1121. An Ominous Feeling

Three figures stood at the center of an empty stage.

The Isolation Sphere kept them hidden from the fighting across the veil, which was an invisible threshold that neither figures could make out. The exit was also intentionally hidden away. Unless the inhabitants were aware of its location, it was incredibly difficult to find it.

This was half in part because it could be anywhere within the Isolation Sphere and the other because it was not always visible. If the creator of the Isolation Sphere was particularly sadistic, then they could hide the exit as an invisible door in an utterly obscure location.

It was for this reason that the figures inside of the Isolation Sphere could not leave. Soon, a fourth figure slipped through the threshold. They tripped on the rubble scattered across the ground. To the figures already inside, it appeared as though she had been teleported here.

“Black Wing.” She announced her title reflexively. “It’s just you three? Good. I was scared I’d find a stray Corrupted Denizen in here.”

She addressed the three figures, who were standing near at the furthest edge of the threshold. The Isolation Sphere was roughly seventy-five meters in diameter, which was extremely small.

Raoul peeled away from the edge and gave Abigail a sigh of acknowledgement.

“It must have become dangerous if they ordered you to retreat. What is the situation like?”

“The Head’s Moons touched down moments ago. Before that, the Frost doppelgangers helped us push the Corrupted back. I’ve never seen so many Corrupted Denizens at once. Is that normal? We’re not in a Corrupted Zone.”

Abigail’s stoic demeanor cracked at the last few words. She was familiar with the horrors of Elysia and knew what the Corrupted were capable of. However, it was one thing to understand it, and another be experienced with dealing with the Corrupted.

One had to remember that Abigail’s time as a Black Wing was much shorter than the Black Wings that had started at the same time as her. This was because Black Wings were required to train within an Isolation Sphere. Basically, she had ten times less experience compared to a baseline Black Wing despite possessing a high rank.

She was not the type to allow her fears to manifest, especially in front of people. Black Wings were the last people one was expected to break. But her exposure to the Second Night, the Atelier War, and the endless waves of Corrupted, Anids and Act X personnel preyed on her inexperience.

It sapped Abigail of her mental strength.

Raoul recognized the cracks. He had seen that face countless times, and he could not offer her any assurance. Words of comfort were a waste. His lackluster levels also meant that he could not keep any promises.

In the end, it was better to remain silent, as he always had. However, he felt a tug by his side. He glanced down at the twins, and they stared back at him with crooked heads.

Did I imagine it? I must be starting to lose it.

They didn’t touch him. He would have noticed new creases in their coats. Then, against his better judgement, he began speaking before he realized it.

“Normal? In Elysia? It’s never changed. The world must look different in the eyes of a Healer. Hah. Shit’s only gotten worse. You ever been outside of the Nex Megalopolis?”

“No. I lived my whole life in the City of Hearts, except for the few times I had to travel to the Ascelpien. I’ve seen the Dungeons and the last Atelier War. Anything before that were rumors. I’ve never seen the Second Night. Not that I knew there was a second night... How does anyone survive out there? Denizen, the Anids…”

“It is what it is.” Raoul dismissed it, as if Abigail was burdening herself with petty thoughts.

Dismissing the horrors of reality was why Raoul rarely empathized with people. Their circumstances were no different than the last thousand people he had crossed. Why should he concern himself with them? It was easier to close his mind.

Eventually, it became second nature and was praised by his peers for his stoicism.

However, in his heart he knew what it truly was. If they knew the weight of his aversion, and the fear he held of the future, then would they think of him as a coward? As pitiful, like how his sisters saw him?

In the past, he’d believe that they did not understand him.

“We can’t change what’s inevitable. Change, to begin with is a fucked up mistress in a world that moves faster than we can adapt. Head southwards from Emvita. The shit that goes on between the Ateliers and in this damned Nex Megalopolis can’t hold a candle to the wars in Eleph. Hell, head to Gnawer. An army of ten thousand is a scouting party for the Insectids.”

“… I can handle the death of a few. A hundred is easy. But I can’t picture thousands of people just… All I can think about is ‘was it worth it?’.”

“The cost of a life can be measured in gold. Not surprising that it’s just as disposable.”

“You lived in the Nex Megalopolis and you’ve never been exposed to the Dungeons?”

“Inflow Direct has strict protocols. I wasn’t that old of a Healer. I had no reason to be exposed to a Dungeon.” It was only until recently that Abigail became exposed to the truths of the world, and with it, its horrors.

Though she was strong and could face any threat head on as a Black Wing, she had moments of vulnerability that only Acedia was aware of. For her to reveal it in front of Raoul meant that she had reached a breaking point.

“I gotta wonder what Oboros Infinitas wants from you. What sort of contract did they get you on? Assuming you’re on one.”

“It’s one part contract, and another part voluntary. I chose to do this. But this is also half-true. Acedia. I want to repay her. The hard part is figuring out how.”

Her unwillingness to answer caused Raoul to click his tongue. He empathized with her inability to know what she wanted. A part of him was also oddly glad that she was doing this voluntarily. The mention of a contract, however, still rubbed him the wrong way.

“As long as you understand what it means to work with Oboros Infinitas. Keep your wits out with CogitO. They’ll be the ones to watch out for. The lunatics in blue won’t miss an opportunity to see how far you can bend.”

Edge crept into his voice. A pair of hands tugged at his sleeves again. His name was called by the twins. He did not hear it. Instead, he heard the faint whispers of a memory he had long buried.

The memory dated back to the construction of the Nex Megalopolis. It was not far from the City of Spades Massacre and was shortly before the incident involving the twins and the Leviathan.

“Oboros Infinitas has a method to the madness. You get thrown into the deep end, and they place a bet on whether you’ll come out learning how to swim. Against all odds, and the bullshit the Ateliers like to throw at people like us, they’re fucking reasonable. CogitO…”

He tapped on the back of his head, where a CognitO Transmitter had been installed now that he was a Repenter. He could precisely make out the shape of the space it occupied in his brain. Furthermore, every conscious and unconscious thought he made was relayed back to CogitO.

It did not stop him from warning Abigail.

“… I knew a few Thrums. No Healer can fix what’s messed up in here.” He tapped again, and the twins rose slightly on their toes, nodding.

This memory was shared between him and the twins. The reason he knew that the mind could not be fixed was because the twins had once tried to heal the mind of a Thrum he knew. This person, incidentally, was a close friend.

“Never knew their name. Neither did they. She called herself the ‘Beast’. Was always a proud shmuck whenever she managed to finish a job. Three hundred and twenty-seven successful missions. Three descents into the Maw of the World. Her eyes were always set on something I could never see…”

He shut his eyes and lowered his head. His hair drooped forward, casting a heavy shadow over his face.

“… Now she’s buried in three hundred and twenty-seven different graves. CogitO figured she was fixed.”

Raoul was a Star of the Nexus during this time. He had witnessed countless allies pass on, and he remembered the futility of hoping to change their fate. He received news that she would be cured from her disease once and for all and gave Raoul and the twins a hug before she was escorted away by CogitO personnel.

“We couldn’t save them.” Orth solemnly whispered.

“Diseases of the mind are incurable.” Thras paused, adding: “Except, through death.”

“But we’re Healers.” (Orth).

“We cannot administer that cure.” (Thras).

“… And still we…” Orth’s gaze fell elsewhere suddenly.

Thras’ hand moved with unexpected urgency. It anchored on Orth’s shoulder, and her sister was instantly brought back. Thras shook her head and then turned to Abigail. Her eyes were suddenly fixated on her weapon.

“Abigail. Black Wing. Did you choose to become a Healer? Or a Black Wing?”

Raoul silently observed their exchange. In the meantime, he was unexpectedly assailed by past regrets. The tiny hands that held onto him felt like a branding iron. It burned him, and because of it, he recalled his failures and ultimately, his inability to be there for them all.

He wondered if it would be better to fade away.