Chapter 679: Insignificant [1]

"...!"

The pain seeped into every corner of his body.

It surged through his bones, tore through his muscles, and finally clawed its way into his mind.

Lazarus felt the pain vividly.

It was sharp, and it sent chills down every corner of his body.

He wanted to scream.

Scream until his lungs gave out, until it felt like he had ripped them straight from his chest.

However, in the faintest of corners, a figure appeared, soothing his pain.

Comforting it.

’....I’ve been through much worse. This is nothing. You can easily withstand this.’

’I’ve been tortured for six months by a dragon. I’ve been poisoned by some strange creature. I’ve endured so much pain, I’ve ripped my own hair out because of it. I’ve endured days without food, living next to a bunch of dead people. I’ve lost someone who is very dear to me. Had to let go of someone I love.’

’What you’re experiencing.... It’s nothing.’

’With my help, you can withstand it. You can—’

No.

Lazarus clenched his teeth and brushed all the voices away.

This temptation.

This memory...

He had to fully let go.

He had to become his own person.

BANG—!

"Ukh!"

But even though he knew, he hesitated.

He was scared of what was to come. He was scared of the pain that he was going to suffer. He was scared of possibly losing himself to the pain.

He wasn’t Julien.

He... wasn’t real to begin with.

This much was obvious.

Regardless of how much Julien tried to force himself to be someone else, a large part of him rejected the notion. One couldn’t simply become someone else in the blink of an eye.

To some extent...

Lazarus was merely an act.

He was like Azarias and David. A fictional character that he was supposed to discard after the ’act’ was over.

Each character had their own motivation.

Their own depth.

...But what about Lazarus?

He had no real depth. He was merely a merchant who came from afar, with the sole purpose of experiencing new things.

He was merely an entity that was supposed to exist for a very brief moment.

But...

Somewhere down the line, he started to develop his own ego.

His own identity.

He started to become someone different from Julien.

He started to truly live as a different entity.

While Julien’s emotions still lingered at times, they weren’t necessarily his.

Julien and Lazarus were starting to become two different people.

...And it was this creation of identity that scared Lazarus.

Because he knew that once all of this was over, he’d go along with the experience. He’d just become a drifting memory of the time when Julien decided to be someone else.

And that...

That scared him to no end.

[Fear]

Feeling the trembling in his chest, Lazarus’s head slowly lifted to stare ahead.

Toward the massive eye that loomed before him.

Even though its presence was overwhelming, so immense it felt like it could crush him with a single glance, what truly unsettled Lazarus was the thought of vanishing completely, as if his entire existence was nothing more than a stepping stone for Julien’s evolution.

’I don’t want to be like that.’

’...I really don’t want my existence to feel so small.’

’So meaningless.’

[It looks like you’re faltering, human... Can you really resist forever like you suggested?]

As tentacles burst from the ground and wrapped around his neck and torso, Lazarus could only watch and feel as he was slowly torn apart from both ends, his organs and flesh scattering through the water.

The pain once again hit him, and his mind drifted towards the comfort spot that existed within his mind.

Julien.

His mind drifted towards the entity known as Julien.

’Help me...’

’Take the pain from me.’

’It hurts too much. It...’

Lazarus but his lips, his mind stopping just a few moments shy of reaching Julien. He wanted to desperately seek the comfort that was known as Julien, but he knew that his life was numbered.

That this was going to be the end of him.

As such, he stopped himself.

In pain. In breath. In mind.

He wanted to be himself in the last moments.

That’s why he chose to forget.

That’s why he chose to let go of Julien.

...And it was also then that the pain became real.

[Still standing?]

Xa’hurl’s voice came crashing down on him like a whisper of death.

It sent shivers down Lazarus’s body as a tentacle snapped up and reached for his neck, closing down on it and slowly squeezing, leaving him with no air at all.

’I can’t breathe!’

With Julien’s disappearance, the weight of the pain became real to him.

’I can’t breathe...!’

[Remove the loop, and I’ll let you go. I can see that you’re faltering. I can keep going for a very long time. Can you...?]

’No, I can’t...’

’I can’t keep doing this for that long!’

Just the thought of needing to go through all of this torture made Lazarus want to quit.

He was alone now.

A mere blank character with no trauma or anything of the sort to help him cope with the pain.

"Hhaaaa—!"

At one point, Lazarus found himself screaming.

Recovering again and seeing the gigantic eye in front of him, Lazarus screamed. The pain was starting to consume his mind.

He could hardly hold on.

He was starting to lose grip of himself.

’Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop.’

How could anyone keep doing this...?

How could anyone subject themselves to such pain without losing it?

"Haaaaa!!"

[I like the sight of this.]

Xa’hurl seemed to be enjoying Lazarus’s pain and suffering. The human had changed. His facade had crumbled.

He was no longer the steady and calm human from before.

He was a shell of what he once was.

He was almost... like a completely different person.

Xa’hurl took advantage of this and tortured him even more.

BANG!

From tearing his body apart, ripping one limb after another. Suffocating him. Burning him... Xa’hurl did everything.

"Haaa! Haaaa——!"

Lazarus was subjected to all kinds of tortures, his screams echoing throughout the depths of the Maw, with no one but the two able to hear the screams of despair.

At some point, Xa’hurl forgot all about the situation.

It just started to enjoy torturing the human.

"Huekk..."

Stumbling onto the ground, Lazarus grasped the sand beneath him as he clenched his teeth tightly.

’I need to make this stop. I can’t do this anymore.’

But even if he wanted to stop it, he couldn’t stop it.

Stopping it meant the death of him and Julien.

It meant the end of everything.

Julien wouldn’t allow that.

He was stuck.

’Fuck! Fuckk! Fuckkkkkk!’

Lazarus began to smash his fist against the seabed.

Bang! Bang!

Sand flew everywhere.

[Anger]

Rage simmered under his chest as he started to feel the resentment of this situation.

He didn’t just start to resent the monster in front of him.

He started to resent Julien.

’In the end... I’m suffering just for you!’

’...All this pain. This torture... I’m suffering it just to make you better.’

’Fuck!!!’

Lazarus’s body began to tremble. The weight of his own insignificance was finally sinking in, and the fury that came with it was ripping him apart from the inside out.

BANG!

The more he died, the more his rage and resentment built up.

’Stop it! Make this stop!’

Lazarus wanted to reach for Julien. He wanted to help him stop the pain, but his hatred was also stopping him from doing so.

’No, I won’t let you be any part of me in my last moments!’

’I will disappear as Lazarus and Lazarus only!’

’Just know that!’

"Hhhaaa—!"

BANG!

The torment dragged on. Lazarus was treated like a plaything, with Xa’hurl experimenting, twisting him in every imaginable way just to see how much he could endure.

Time slipped by like this.

Lazarus died again and again, his screams echoing through the depths of the Maw as his body collapsed into the sand, only for the loop to begin all over again.

The pain never stopped.

It carried on from the previous loops, filtering into his mind and consuming his thoughts.

".....Eukh!"

Sprawled onto the sand beneath him, Lazarus didn’t want to get up.

He felt like shit.

No, he was shit.

He felt disgusted by himself.

At... how all of his efforts in the end were going to be futile for himself.

At how insignificant he was.

[Disgust]

’I hate myself. Why do I even do this? Why am I even doing this for him...? What do I achieve by doing this...?’

’I am trash.’

’I am... worthless trash.’

But even in disgust, Xa’hurl never stopped.

It’s torture continued.

[Come, human. Don’t break so easily. We still have a long way before I have my share of the fun.]

At this point, Lazarus was starting to grow numb to it.

’Stop... make it stop...’

Crack! Crack—!

He watched as the tentacles appeared from all sides, ripping his arms and legs, sending what remained of his body onto the seabed as blood began to seep out from his body.

He stared at his blood leaking into the water, his mind growing hazier and hazier by the second.

In such a setting, his mind started to calm down.

As his thoughts drifted, he had a sudden thought.

’Even if I were to disappear at this moment, no one will notice.’

He didn’t have anyone.

No family. No home. No... real point of existence.

The only thing he had was a name and title.

Lazarus.

The traveling merchant from afar.

This was the only thing he had that marked his existence.

And the thought...

It hurt so much.

[Sadness]

He was nothing. A nobody. An act.

An entity created for the sole purpose of growth.

He knew.

He knew all along, and the thought shattered him.

It hurt more than any of the pain he had been subjected to.

’I don’t want to fade away.’

’...I don’t want my existence to be so meaningless.’

’I don’t want. I don’t want it. I don’t...’

Lazarus’s chest trembled once more, and as his consciousness faded, he opened his eyes again to the same oppressive eye that had been haunting him for some time.

Lazarus stared at the eye without much thought, ready for his inevitable death.

But...

"....."

[Surprise]

Staring at the gigantic eye, Lazarus noticed several small orbs floating within it.

Orbs...?

Blue, red, green, purple...

Although tiny, they were indeed orbs.

Lazarus had experienced all of this before.

He was well aware of what he was seeing.

Unaware of this, Xa’hurl continued to stare at the human as it prepared to attack him. However, just as it was about to, Lazarus opened his mouth, his words drifting in the water.

"You must be capable of feeling emotions, right?"

[What...?]

Lifting his head up to stare at the gigantic beast, Lazarus raised his hand up slightly, and the orbs within the beast’s body increased.

They grew in size, and the gigantic eye shook slightly.

[What are you doing? What—]

Lazarus shut the beast’s words out of his mind.

He just continued to manipulate the orbs in front of him. What set the primordial monsters to the other monsters was not just their thoughts. It was their ability to feel emotions.

Xa’hurl was no different.

It could feel emotions.

Lazarus was all too clear of this as he looked at the orbs within Xa’hurl’s body. Some were larger than others, and some were more difficult to manipulate than others.

But it didn’t matter to Lazarus.

At this very moment, he understood clearly that his goal had been accomplished.

He had fully grasped the fifth level.

He could let go now.

He could... leave.

But that wasn’t what he wanted.

He didn’t want to leave like this.

BANG!

"Huek—!

A tentacle lashed out from behind, driving straight through his chest and releasing a cloud of blood into the water. Lazarus felt his strength slip away, his body growing limp as he stared weakly ahead.

Towards the blood that drifted into the crimson water.

His mind drifted as he stared at the blood.

Something about it triggered something in him.

’I’ve watched myself grow.’

’Felt every change, every experience carve itself into who I am.’

’I’ve learned to become someone else, someone I had to be.’

’But in the end, none of it matters.’

’All those moments will fade.’

’Lost alongside myself.’

’Just like my blood fading into the crimson waters.’

’Insignificant.’

’That is who I am.’

’But even in my insignificance, I’ll leave a mark.’

Because...

Even someone as insignificant as him wanted to leave a mark behind.

And so.

Opening his eyes again and staring at the massive eye that lay ahead of him, Lazarus weakly raised his hand.

The orbs grew, and the surroundings shook.

[What are you doing!?]

BANG!

He died moments after that.

He wasn’t even tortured this time.

He was just killed in one swift motion.

Opening up his eyes again, the red orb within Xa’hurl’s body was larger.

Lazarus raised his hand, and the orb grew.

But at the same time he acted, tentacles shot forth from all over.

[Die!]

Lazarus died once again.

But his death was only short-lived.

Lazarus revived again, and he repeated the process.

He died.

Again.

And again.

And... again.

He continued to die over and over again, his body shattering and killed in the most gruesome of ways.

But even in death, he maintained his goal.

He continued to grow the red orb.

He wanted to leave a mark.

Growing the red orb, he could also see the purple one starting to expand.

Lazarus meddled with that one, too.

His control depended purely on how well he knew the emotion.

Fear and Anger.

He knew them both well.

From his fear regarding his insignificance, to the anger he felt at it.

Lazarus controlled the two orbs as Xa’hurl grew more and more frantic.

[Stop your meaningless actions! All you’re doing is annoying me!]

Lazarus paid no mind to the beast’s words.

Even as the torture grew worse, he continued with his act.

He was going to disappear anyway.

What was this little torture to him?

BANG!

He died again.

But as he died, he saw it.

The cracks in the beast’s indomitable power.

Red turned bigger, and so did purple.

These were the only two orbs that grew.

And as the cycle repeated over and over again, the purple orb started to overtake the red orb.

[Stop.]

It wasn’t long before it had completely overtaken it.

[What are you doing...? Stop it at once.]

Lazarus could hear the traces of fear in its voice.

It wasn’t clear at first, but as the cycles continued, the fear grew more and more pronounced.

[S-stop this. H-how long are you going to continue this for?]

"For... as long as I can."

[Stop it.]

"No."

[S-stop it.]

BANG!

Feeling his body get torn apart again, Lazarus woke up to see the eye shaking before him.

Step.

He took a step closer to the beast.

This time, the beast didn’t attack him.

In fact, it trembled.

[M-make it stop. Don’t... come closer.]

Its entire body was now purple.

Step.

Lazarus took another step.

It took everything for him to move.

Even though he was physically fine, his mind wasn’t.

He was broken. Shattered.

He was... fading.

’Not yet.’

Step.

He took another step.

As he did, memories of his past resurfaced in his mind.

He didn’t live a very long life.

Just half a year.

But in that time, he experienced a lot of things.

From the hidden beauties of the Mirror Dimension, to the struggle the people within go through. He developed a shop, sold goods, and even met a Goddess.

He also met An’as.

...His assistant. A man who needed to grow.

A man who was in the process of doing just that.

Lazarus’s lips pulled slightly.

An’as... He still needed to grow a lot.

But that was fine. He was doing a very good job at that.

He didn’t need him anymore.

Then, there was Anne.

He didn’t know her for long, but in the moments he knew her, she had helped him learn a lot.

The only reason he was able to breathe underwater was because of her.

She had also taught him to walk on water.

It was just half a year, and yet, he experienced so much.

Step.

’...Ah.’

Before Lazarus knew it, he was standing right before the eye.

It wasn’t moving.

It was just staring at him.

Lazarus understood that there was no way for him to defeat the primordial creature.

He was too insignificant for that.

But seeing it tremble as he stood before it, Lazarus understood that he was close to achieving his goal.

He raised his hand.

And...

.

.

.

Reached for the eye.

.

.

.

His fingers touched it.

He felt it.

And...

.

.

.

He poured everything he had left into it.

.

.

.

The surroundings froze in that moment.

Lazarus stood still, his body standing right before the eye as it froze.

He remained frozen like that until his lips gently pulled up.

And then...

His eyes closed, and everything grew silent.

Lazarus faded in the silence.

He was nothing but a mere character.

An insignificant being.

But even in his insignificance, he had left a mark.

Such was Lazarus.

The traveling merchant from afar.

[Joy]