âAs far as I can tell, thereâs no obvious sign that your mind was overwritten,â Alex said as Seven settled back into his body. Somehow, his old friendâs words both helped
and
did absolutely nothing to help with the chaos swirling within him, pressing against his mind until he was tempted to call up a clone and ask that they remove his awareness that the heartcores might have altered his mind so profoundly that the raid system had overwritten what was done to him.
Seven felt himself.
Seven felt impossibly unmoored.
âNow⊠donât take this the wrong way, man, but given everything I saw while going through your memories, I think youâre just unmoored as a result of how you live.â
When Seven shifted his gaze to Alex, he found them fighting down a smile. Ass.
âMaybe,â he agreed, pushing himself up from the Virtuosi Rig heâd been sitting in, letting Alex examine his mind and memories of the raid. Occasionally, theyâd taken breaks to chatâAlex had been especially interested to hear Sevenâs perspective on Emilia, an ever-changing ball of light and energy. As Alex had seen her in passing now and againâalthough theyâd made a point to avoid actually running into herâthey had plenty of stories of her life and the chaos she wrought over Piketown and the university.
Seven had enjoyed hearing stories about the girl, still vibrant and chaotic, even through the traumatic knots he now knew existed within her. Alex had so many second-, third-, fourth-hand stories about her terrorizing heroes and other dormsâapparently, while she didnât often actively take part in the prank wars that a few dorms had going, if someone knew what to look for, they could see her fingerprints on some of the more psychotic pranks that had gone down. As they knew what to look for, it had been easy for Alex to pick out all the stories that were
probably Emilia,
as well as the ones that were
definitely Emilia.
It felt as though it had been years since Seven had laughed so hard, hearing all about the things she did, although he knew this wasnât true. The last decade of his lifeâwhich had stretched into centuries with how much time he spent within the time skewâhad been up and down, but there had been times of joy, times of sadness; certainly, there had been times of loneliness. It wasnât that he didnât have friends. Seven had raiding friends, and he had a few clients that he could see being friends with.
Yet, secrets took a toll on any relationship.
They were an ever lingering scab, scratching against the fabric of friendship until someone finally couldnât take it anymore and they either tore it off and watched it bleed, or they ran away, hoping to spare themself the sight of oozing blood.
âThatâs quite the description,â
Alex had laughed during one of their stretches of downtime, the pair of them laying side-by-side on a bed within virtual space, their bare legs tangled together because apparently they were both so touch deprived that even their virtualselves snuggling was doing something to sate their hunger.
âI get it, though. As much as I have people I still see⊠like, I was always a bit of an outsider? So, I donât really fit completely with the unit, and it's not like I trust the people who work under me to keep my secrets? So, there arenât many people I can really let go with.â
âYou have some people, though? That you trust?â
Seven had asked, wondering how Alex could possibly consider themself an outsider to their unit. Yes, there had always been something of a hierarchy, unofficial as it was, dictating where certain people fell into the friendship of their unit. Personally, he had always been far on the outskirts, unsure how to either make friends or deal with the secret he was keeping from Emiliaâa secret he should probably tell her? Maybe?
Probably, he should get someone elseâs advice on the subject. The question was mostly
who
he would ask. Olivier came to mind first, especially as Seven already knew Emilia had run into him, but given how close he was to both Emilia and the person who had demanded Seven keep what he knew about her a secretâŠ
Well, Olivier had generally been calm and collected
except
when it came to Emilia and the kids. Seven didnât think the man would take the news of what had occurred, back when Seven had first joined Division 30 and realized who Emilia was, well. Another option was The Black Knot, but they also tended to take anything related to Emilia so badly. Maybe that one clone? The one who had been responsible for holding their secretsâbut then again, Varo Hyrat had been specifically chosen for that job because he seemed to neither hate nor love Emilia? Could the guy even be trusted to give him good advice?
At the time he had been considering this, Seven had let his gaze drift towards Alex, and absolutely not. For as much as Alexâas far as any of them knewâdidnât have a black knot, they could be cold-hearted, as the whole
criminal mastermind and overlord
thing proved. This was, unfortunately, something of the problem with their entire unit: they were all insane and perfectly happy to kill people who they didnât deem a positive influence on the world. This, unfortunately, made getting advice from any of them on something so sensitive a near impossible task.
Maybe Hetexia? She was relatively levelheaded and distant enough from most members to maybe give some good advice?
An image of Hyr syn Bur, cute and stoic and looking at Emilia like she was their sun, had shuddered through Sevenâs mind, and okayâthat was actually a good idea. Other people might have balked at the idea of asking a synat for advice, but Seven had the feeling that kid had seen Emilia in visions beforeâjust a feeling, but one he couldnât shake.
Unfortunately, Seven hadnât bothered to friend any of the northerners when he exited the raidâhe really had been exhausted and the moment he left the system, intent to get a drink to give himself a bit of energy, heâd passed right out. From what he had heard, few northerners wore their temporary Censors unless they were actively using them, either. In other words, if he wanted to contact the syn, heâd either have to wait for someone from Nurâtha to show up as available in his contacts or go there himself and track down the kid or Hetexia.
At the time, Seven hadnât brought his up with Alexâthey had been both getting to the end of their designated snuggle time and he hadnât wanted his friend to start asking
why
he wanted to get in contact with the Hyr syn Bur.
After exiting the Virtuosi System, however, Seven didnât particularly want to get into how disastrous his life and sense of self was with Alexâhe knew he needed to figure his shit out and the last thing he needed was a long talk about
not forcing himself to become someone Emilia would like.
He already knew he needed to become someone he himself wanted to be, thanks, and didnât need a lecture on the subject.
Hence, he asked Alex if he knew which of their Nurâtha teammates came onaether the most oftenâwhile they all had xpherns as well, the kyrfa'Nur'tha were notorious for not checking those often either. While that might be a bit different for their teammates in this post-war world, Seven knew enough younger heroes from virtual raids to know getting a hold of them through xpherns was almost as troublesome as waiting for them to put their temporary Censors on.
âWyren had his on a bit agoâbit past his bedtime now, but you could ask someone to go wake him up, I guess?â Alex had replied, apparently not realizing that while Seven had turned both their unitâs stalking functionâand in the back of his mind, Seven realized that having that stalking function at all somewhat made him a more loved member of the unit, as it had only been given to people the more
core members
of the unit liked and trustedâand the ability to be messaged back on, no one had noticed.
Hence, he hadnât been included in any of the giant group relays. Alex was somewhat scandalized on his behalfâafter all, no one had actually noticed him become available to contact again. Given what he was learning about
why
everyone was so distracted, Seven couldnât be too offended.
He was, however, a little offended when Alex added him to their many group relays, including the one Sorvell had recently createdâthe one named
Make Emmieâs Ex and His Shitbag Friends Suffer
âand still, no one said anything about his suddenly being included! Granted, there was some sort of conversation going on, his addition to the group quickly buried under a discussion of whether Axelle was going to kill any of the kidsâ majenstra babysitters or not.
Tucking the relay into the corner of his visionâit was fascinating to watch everyoneâs opinion on the subject go byâSeven instead contented himself to both going through who was a member of each of the group relays Alex had added him to, as well as what sorts of conversations had been occurring recently. Later, he would sit himself down in a Virtuosi Rigâone that was offaether, as the ones he and Alex had been using wereâand properly read through the decade of missed conversations. For the moment, he skimmed through the plans that everyone was making and set his Censor to determine
why
certain people had been excluded from Sorvellâs new group relay, making a few comments as the conversation went on, curious who would notice him.
Seriously, though, the guy had included Leerin despite the mess occurring on Ship oâStarsâand Seven slotted Darrian in as another person who might be able to give him good, reasonable advice on what to do about his Emilia-related secret, also, Hyr was on that ship, so talking to them about it would be difficult for a bitâbut
hadnât
included Annette.
Mostly, what his Censor came back with was confusing. There had been numerous conversations over the years about the fact that Annette seemed to hold some odd dislike for Emilia, but each of the conversations talked around
why
she didnât like her? It was strange, and from what Seven could figure out, it seemed like half the people in the relays had no idea what the problem was, a few peopleâincluding Leerinâwere on Annetteâs side, while most of the core members of their unit who understood the situation were on Emiliaâs. Perhaps most interestingly, sometimes people knew what the problem was and sometimes they didnât! Other times, they seemed to realize the issue mid-conversation, but then! Theyâd forget theyâd realized it the next time Annette and Emiliaâs strained relationship came up!?
Seven was baffled. Alex simply laughed at them, telling them that was because
he had a memory lock in place for some bloody reason.
Presumably, it was the lock he had been contemplating tugging free earlier. One tug later, and Alex was laughing at him once moreâSeven was rather offended on Emiliaâs behalf!
âWhat is Annetteâs problem?â Seven snarledâactually fucking snarled because seriously! What was that bitchâs problem!?
âDude, why are you keeping that memory locked up so tight? I donât even think you were aware of the parts of it that the entire fucking continent knows? Thatâs like, such a red flag that you know
other parts
of the story,â Alex laughed, tugging him back to sitting, lest he stomp off to tell Annette off. Apparently, the woman rarely showed at get-togethers anymore, due to half the people who generally attended being standoffish with her, thanks to her opinions on
what Emilia should be doing
and
where she should be spending her time, instead of spreading her legs while getting a degree sheâll never use.
âI canât even remember the last time Axelle and her were in the same room. They had this huge blowout a few years backâand like, if you check out of the relay for getting back at Elijah Richmond, a bunch of people admit they didnât think Axelle would show up, due to how angry she is with Emmie for disappearing? But like, that girl loved Emmie so much. Sheâs like Baylor, I think? Their meeting again will be an explosion of yelling or tension or violence, but itâll end the same way: with sobbing and begging.â Shifting, Alex reached towards a small fridge, tugging two bottles of âcyth juice out and handing one over to Seven. âTheyâll both beg Emmie to not leave them again, and then, sheâll be all apologetic, and itâll all be good. Angry or not, they love her, and everyone thinking either are too mad at her to ever make up with herâor even just want to support her from afarâare idiots.â
Grumbling to himself about Annetteâbitch better hope he didnât run into her any time soonâSeven snapped the seal on his drink, the expensive liquid tingling as he sipped, still contemplating Annette, his battered brain, and the secret he had kept from Emilia for far too long.
He needed a distraction, and luckily, he knew just where to find one.