Chapter 378: Unwantedness

***

The next two days passed somewhat quickly.

Kaya decided it was silly for the ladies to all be attempting to keep each other in check because while they did that, the hours were passing and no one would get what they wanted.

Instead, they needed to not be so selfish and accept that circumstances being as they were, there needed to be compromises.

So then Caius spent the last days of the school week before the Mid-Semester Break in the company of at least one of the girls.

And he absolutely loved it.

For Kaya, Eloise, and Aylin, their time with Caius practically meant going at it as many times as they could to take advantage of the limited time together. But in the midst of the pleasure throes, there were conversations. Heartfelt ones.

Caius learned Kaya was dreading returning home for the Break. The past month and a half spent completely away from her family had been bliss. And that was not even because of Caius. Just because there was always an unwelcome aura in that home which at times got stifling.

And so, to now be on her way to return...

"You can come stay with me," Caius told her. His tone was light but he actually meant it.

Kaya smiled.

"Tempting..." she said and she meant that.

Still, as much as she dreaded it, she wasn’t sure she wanted to avoid returning home and facing her father, siblings, and stepmother. No matter what, they were still family and while the fact that eighteen years hadn’t changed the air of unwantedness she felt in that manor didn’t fill her with much confidence, she knew she would return. She’d dread it. She’d frown all the way. She’d meet the cold looks she might get with uninterested looks of her own but she would return.

"Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment," she said in a very low voice then as she let out a sigh.

She had just said that when she realized all that led her to say that had been in her head so Caius must be confused.

Except he wasn’t.

He understood her predicament much more than she could possibly have expected.

"I don’t think so," he said in an equally low voice,

"I think you care. I think underneath the layers of disinterest that there might be, their company—which you’ve had for almost two decades—is something you don’t quite know how to do without. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing."

Caius got lost in this introspective that it was only after he was done that he sensed Kaya go perfectly still by his side.

’Yeah, I said too much,’ he decided in his head and readied himself as he looked to the side at Kaya.

Her expression wasn’t angry though. It also wasn’t even suspicious. It was an amazed expression. His words had aligned so perfectly with her thoughts— even those of caring for her family that she’d prefer not to acknowledge.

It was true that even in the murkiness of disinterest, she had memories of her siblings actually being supportive when they ever stopped being assholes. She hadn’t been abused in any way. Not even neglected really. She had been cared for.

Really, outwardly, she had led a life befitting a Noble.

The problem was that the feeling of unwelcome was always present. And she hardly ever even talked about it because if she were to describe her life, any criticism might just come off as whiny as she couldn’t even properly quantify the unwelcome feeling.

Even though she knew what she felt and knew it wasn’t all in her head, describing it left her at a loss for words so she hardly ever bothered. Not that she ever had any person to talk to about it before Lochxen anyway.

Caius took the look in her eyes as confirmation that he hadn’t overstepped. So he continued.

"I’ve known you for a month and a half— it might not seem like that long a time but it is. I’ve seen your strength not just in magic but in character.

No one can make you feel unwelcome anywhere. You have as much claim to that manor as any of your siblings and the reason you want to return despite how you feel is that you know you can handle anything they toss your way.

Because you’re Kaya Aeisling."

Kaya’s smile was glowing. And then she rolled her eyes.

"You say my name like it means something," she said in an attempt at being cavalier.

"It *does* mean something. Kaya, you’re unique and special. All of them put together are not worth a smidge of your talent and character.

So how dare anyone make you feel unwelcome?"

He wasn’t saying all this just to give Kaya a pep talk, but also because he knew the cause for that unwelcome aura. And it’s somewhat complicated in the sense that it is both all in Kaya’s head as well as being a definitely legitimate concern.

You see, someone in the Aeisling Manor didn’t quite like Kaya’s presence there but they were doing their best not to make it obvious.

However, emotions, especially repressed ones tend to gain a ’life’ of their own. Essentially, they can be imbued with magic to practically become an entity of their own. These particular emotions of unwantedness had gained the ability to exist separately from the originator and have spread all over the Aeisling Manor.

This is why it’s a legitimate concern.

However, no one else can sense this aura and it’s not because it’s only directed at Kaya. Really, the moment the emotion gained independence from its originator, it became directed at anyone who could perceive it. And that was no one. No one except Kaya.

And the reason was that Kaya was very perceptive as a child. She sensed that she wasn’t wanted but her perception was not refined enough to know who exactly it was who didn’t want her.

That said, her perception of not being wanted opened her to the aura of unwantedness that had gained independence.

Kaya made a false equivalence between the unwanted feeling whose source she couldn’t decipher and the independent aura all over the Aeisling Manor. This in turn connected her to said aura so that as long as she is in the vicinity of the Aeisling Manor, she’ll feel it. Not because the aura targets her specifically but rather because she had fostered a connection with it since she was a child.

This in turn has thrown her into a state of paranoia where she is convinced no one in the manor wants her there. Even here at Lochxen, away from that aura, she avoids communicating with them because every message is tinged with this paranoia. Hence why it’s technically also all in her head.

As far as the original canon was concerned, the first step in Kaya’s finding a solution to the situation was deciding she was tired of feeling unwanted. To which a ’pep talk’ could really go a long way in helping.

Caius could have just told her all that he knew of the situation. However, even ignoring the fact that he wouldn’t be able to tell her *how* he knew, the truth was he would just confuse her. Because he himself didn’t understand the details of what was involved. [To Kill A Demon Lord...] had been very vague in that regard.

He really wished he could have helped her out more and when Kaya looked at him with her leaf-green eyes glowing in adoration at his words of affirmation, he felt a little unworthy of such vehement, silent praise.

"Come here," Kaya said and made to draw Caius close and show her adoration in other ways when Caius raised something between their bodies.

Kaya recognized it. It was a Loqui-link; A magic device used to converse across distances. Each is made with unique Arcane signatures making it a direct line with no interference. At least that’s how it’s advertised.

It’s a tool of the elite. Especially one like this which had not just an audio option but a visual option as well. It was capable of projecting images to make conversations feel more in-person.

"I should have given you one earlier," Caius said as Kaya took the Loqui-link from him and looked it over.

"Anything happens and you need help, reach out immediately with this," Caius added.

This was Caius’s attempt at a failsafe in case Kaya couldn’t quite handle what might come her way.

Kaya didn’t hear the worry in his voice though, she was just grinning widely.

"Oh, forget that," she said, "I’m talking to you every day."

It was so clearly a promise. One that she sealed by pulling Caius into a kiss as their bodies then came together more intimately. One that almost pushed away Caius’s worries.

Almost.