Qi Taiguo found Cheng Su in the orphanageâs playground. She was sitting on a swing, gently swaying back and forth, her lips slightly pressed together, lost in thought.
He walked over and sat on the other swing. Cheng Su felt the frame slightly tremble and sink, turned her head, and said, "You, with your over 170 pounds, better not break this swing."
Qi Taiguo looked up, tugged at the two iron chains, and said, "Itâs quite sturdy, it wonât break." He paused and hesitantly asked, "It shouldnât break, right?"
Cheng Suâs lips curled slightly, then she looked down again and asked, "Whereâs she?"
"Who? Oh, the child? Sheâs asleep!" Qi Taiguo replied.
Cheng Su made a sound of acknowledgment.
"I saw you crying in the deanâs arms just now. Thinking it over carefully, my proposal really isnât suitable," Qi Taiguo said. "You are you, and Little Cheng Su is also you. We might have no worries about food and clothing while raising her, but it might turn out a bit awkward. How do you face her, and how do I face her?"
Cheng Su looked at him.
Qi Taiguo, feeling a bit embarrassed, said, "Isnât she not even two years old yet? But when I look at her, I canât help but overlap you and her, treating her as if sheâs the current you, rather than a child. To be honest, itâs quite bizarre."
When he was just looking at the child, he indeed had such a strong notion. While touching her face, he felt he was touching Cheng Su, which made him feel particularly vile.
With the child this young, having such thoughts already, how would he perceive her as she grows older each day?
Thinking about that scenario, Qi Taiguo couldnât help but feel that his suggestion to adopt was truly too rash!
"If we didnât know the truth, we wouldnât have such immersive thoughts, but since we know, itâs impossible to see her as someone else," Qi Taiguo said. "If things really go this way, when she grows up, I wouldnât know how to face her, let alone how to face you. No matter how I think about it, it feels quite awkward!"
Cheng Su was momentarily stunned; upon realizing it, she glared with angry eyes: "Qi Taiguo, how can you be so vile!" How could he think of that?
Qi Taiguo awkwardly said, "Didnât this thought come to me just afterwards?"
Cheng Su was at a loss for words, but when she thought carefully, there indeed could be such a possibility. She was already an adult, and when the child grows, she too would become an adult, a woman. But if itâs obviously herself, can Qi Taiguo treat that âselfâ as a daughter? If not, then...
Cheng Su shivered and exchanged a look with Qi Taiguo, seeing the awkwardness and a hint of shame in each otherâs eyes.
"Letâs drop this idea!" Cheng Su spoke.
Even she couldnât accept such a scenario, let alone Qi Taiguo. If such a scenario indeed happened, it would be too much of a shock.
Qi Taiguo nodded.
"Actually, I was just wondering whether I myself cut off my own path to change my fate. Qi Taiguo, Iâm really a bit confused," Cheng Su sighed. "Itâs like the unsolvable question of which came first, the chicken or the egg. I donât know if itâs because I came here first, leading to being fostered and then pulled down the stairs, or if it was being pulled down first, then coming back here. Which truly happened first?"
Qi Taiguo reached over and held her hand, saying, "Donât think about it. Existence is the reason. Remember what I just said? Everything is heavenâs arrangement!"
Cheng Su reluctantly curled her lips, looking at their hands clasped together, and said, "What Iâm actually afraid of is, if itâs the former, then, Qi Taiguo, why would I jump off the building? Have you ever thought about this question?"