Khan had expected a similar statement. After all, he knew Monica like the back of his hand and could sense the emotions afflicting her mana. However, nothing could have prepared him for actually hearing those words.
"What do you mean?" Khan asked. "Why?"
Monica wanted to reply, but another sob clogged her throat, making her unable to speak. Tears started flowing down her eyes, and she diverted her face to avoid being seen by Khan.
"Is it because of humankind?" Khan questioned, not giving up as he stepped forward and grabbed Monicaās shoulders. "My Uncle will deal with that, and Colonel Norrett also knows about everything now."
Monica tried to escape Khanās grasp but was unable to. She couldnāt oppose Khan unless he played along and let her.
"Everything is safe here now," Khan continued. "We donāt have to stay here anymore."
That was true, at least from Khanās perspective. Monica aimed for the seat of Matriarch inside the Solodrey family, but that could wait. It actually had to wait for Baoway to reap more benefits for Monica to be eligible for that position.
"So," Khan said. "Come wit-."
"Donāt say it!" Monica shouted, stopping struggling while lowering her head. "Donāt ask it."
Khan fell silent, his grasp on Monicaās shoulders weakening. She was properly crying now, and he felt lost. He couldnāt control his emotions, no matter how much his rational side had prepared him for that possibility.
"If you ask me," Monica sobbed, "Iāll do it. Iāll do anything you want me to do. I wonāt be able to refuse you at all."
"Donāt you want to be with me?" Khan asked, making sure to choose his words carefully.
"Of course I do!" Monica cried, lifting her head to look at Khan. "I desperately want to. I want to be with you all the time forever, but thatās not all."
Monica gulped, breathing deeply in a desperate attempt to control her tears. She failed, but Khan waited until she could speak again.
"If," Monica muttered, her voice cracking. "If I come with you, youāll kill yourself twice as hard. Youāll always be conflicted between what you should and must do, and youāll blame yourself for it."
"You are the one who always deals with my doubts," Khan reminded. "I donāt know where I would be if it werenāt for you."
"I know where," Monica exclaimed without explaining further. "But, that was then. I donāt know now. I canāt understand you most of the time."
"What are you even saying?" Khan questioned. "If you donāt understand me, who can?"
"Donāt pretend to misunderstand!" Monica cried. "Donāt reassure me! You know that better than me. You know better than anyone else. I canāt see your world. I canāt reach you anymore."
Strength abandoned Khanās arms. They fell limp at his sides while he studied Monicaās core. She was breaking apart but summoned her entire strength to last long enough to deliver her message.
"Iām-," Monica said before a sob interrupted her line, forcing her to lower her head again. "When Iām with you ā¦ Khan, Iām scared. You scare me."
Khan instinctively tried to reach for Monica, only to lower his hand again. He had noticed that development before Monica could come to terms with it. Yet, Khan was innocent. He wasnāt actively trying to scare Monica. His existence simply was too much for her.
"Itās not your fault," Monica promptly reassured. "Itās mine, and it isnāt. I even thought about increasing my attunement, but how would that work? Iām not as good as you. Iāll never be as good as you."
"I never asked you to be good at this," Khan stated, "And I can wait as long as you need."
"Khan, you just killed an evolved warrior," Monica exclaimed. "Meanwhile, Iām at the same level I was one year ago."
Monica raised her head. Tears tainted her desperate, helpless, beautiful face. It pained her to have that conversation, but she had to. She knew Khan would burn the entire universe to search for non-existent solutions otherwise.
"And," Monica continued. "I donāt want to. Thatās not my world, Khan. It never was. I forced myself to join it because you were there."
"And I never asked you to join it," Khan declared. "I donāt want you to. Do you think I like putting you in danger?"
"But you thrive in it!" Monica shouted. "I hate it. Iād do anything to stop you from going there, but you belong there. You want to be there. It is your world, and I canāt separate you from it."
Khan fell silent. That discussion felt strangely similar to what he had with Cora, but she never popped into his mind. Somehow, his brain realized everything was different at that time.
"Believe me," Monica added. "I tried."
"Canāt you love me even if I scare you?" Khan asked, almost not believing the words coming out of his mouth.
"Donāt you get it?" Monica sniffed. "I do love you. I love you more than anything. I love you more than myself."
Khan opened his mouth, but Monica spoke again, interrupting him. "Which is why I canāt come with you. Iāll just be a burden. Iād weaken you, and I canāt allow that."
"I canāt ask you to wait for me," Khan stated, "Here, alone. I donāt know how long Iāll be gone. I donāt know what Iāll be when I return, especially after being without you for a while."
"Youāll be whatever you need to be to save us all," Monica declared, "And Iād love you anyway, even if being in your presence would suffocate me."
"Is it suffocating to be with me?" Khan asked.
Monica wanted to reassure Khan, but a sob interrupted her. She covered her mouth, doing her best to finish what she had set her mind to do, but it took her a while to calm down. As for Khan, he obviously waited for her.
"If you depart knowing Iām waiting for you," Monica continued once she calmed down, "Youād be afraid of doing what you must do. Youād be worried about how I could take it. Youād worry I wouldnāt love you anymore."
"What does this mean?" Khan questioned.
"It means," Monica sobbed. "I must do the only thing I can do at this point. Iām not worthy of being at your side anymore, but Iāll never let that weigh you down."
"Monica," Khan called, stepping forward to seize Monicaās wrists. Her eyes trembled in sadness and sorrow while she looked at him. She didnāt want to say those words, but her love for Khan demanded it. Even if he couldnāt see that yet, Monica knew her decision was for his own good.
"Iām leaving you, Khan," Monica revealed. "I love you more than anything in the world, so I must leave you. You wonāt be able to save yourself otherwise."