The leather seats of the black town car were suspiciously cool against my back, a blatant lie in the sweltering Miami furnace. Outside, neon-lit streets bled into a psychedelic smear â the tranquilizer dart before the main event. Miamiâs peace is always a setup. I pulled out my phone, bracing myself.
The Appreciation Society
. Christ. A name so dripping with faux innocence it belonged on a cult recruitment pamphlet left in a dentistâs waiting room. Subtext stacked thicker than the divorce papers lurking in half these womenâs futures.
The notification badge:
147
. One hundred and forty-seven reasons to regret ever teaching them how to use a group chat. A veritable hive of bored, wealthy hornets, buzzing with unresolved tension and unlimited data plans.
The Appreciation Society
Vivienne Carter:
Ladies, itâs been three days. Has anyone heard from our mysterious friend?
Translation: Vivienne Carter, vintage wine villain, recent divorcĂ©e (his loss, obviously, probably couldnât handle the emerald-eyed death glare). Profile pic: A headshot so icy it could freeze champagne. Collects grudges like rare Bordeaux.
Anastasia Romanov:
Nothing. Starting to think we imagined him
Pic: A Fabergé egg, because subtle...
Gabrielle:
You donât imagine a man like that. Trust me, Iâve tried.
Celeste Dubois:
Perhaps heâs busy with the bride-to-be? Amandaâs been suspiciously quiet (Celeste: Gallery owner, âart connoisseurâ)
Amanda Wells:
Not a bride anymore, remember? And yes, Iâve been... occupied (Amanda: Recently fired fiancĂ©e, current walking around my penthouse only in my big shirt on.
Ashby Rousseau:
Occupied? Do tell!
Amanda Wells:
A lady doesnât kiss and tell
Vivienne Carter:
Since when are you a lady? đ
Burn from the Ice Queen. Points deducted for predictable cruelty; points added for accuracy.
Sophia:
Can we discuss how Madison just disappeared with him? That little heiress played us all (Sophia: Museum something-or-other. )
Madison Torres:
I didnât play anyone. I just moved faster than you old bitches
Anastasia Romanov:
OLD? Iâm 31!
Madison Torres:
Like I said... đ
There she is. Madison Torres. My Queen and actual chaos agent, walking switchblade in a ballgown. I can Imagine she had a deliberate smirk, eyes holding enough wit to defuse a bomb or start one, while she typed that. The only one here not auditioning for a reality show reject reel. Played them? Danced. Around their slow, predictable asses. Respect.
Vivienne Carter:
Has anyone managed to decode what ChĂąteau Margaux pairs best with disappointment? Asking for a friend whoâs been waiting days.
Anastasia Romanov:
Vivienne, darling, at least you have wine. Iâve been staring at this FabergĂ© egg trying to remember why I collect beautiful, untouchable things.
Darling, the eggâs a metaphor. For you. Untouchable, cold, and ultimately hollow. Deep, Anastasia. Real deep wanting to be touched.
Gabrielle:
Ladies, weâre being dramatic. Heâs probably handling actual business, not the kind we were hoping for.
Celeste Dubois:
Gabrielle, your optimism is adorable. Howâs your husbandâs pharmaceutical conference?
Gabrielle:
Extended. Again. Barcelona must be fascinating this time of year.
ZING! Celeste, unexpectedly vicious. Gabrielleâs optimism crumbling faster than a cookie in milk. Barcelona? Yeah, fascinating anatomy, I bet.
Amanda Wells:
At least your husband has an excuse for absence, Hahahahaha!
Vivienne Carter:
Amanda! By the way we thought youâd fallen off the earth.
Amanda Wells:
Just off the grid. Renovating my life choices.
Ashby Rousseau:
Is that what weâre calling it? I need to renovate immediately.
Sophia:
My museum is hosting a private exhibition on "transformation in modern art." Suddenly feeling very inspired.
I scanned the list. Vivienne, the Emerald Ice Queen. Anastasia, the FabergĂ© Faker. Gabrielle, the Pharma Princess. Celeste, the Gallery Ghoul. Amanda, my new woman. Ashby, the Jet-Set Jester. Sophia, the Museum Maven (of Misery). And Madison. The Lone Wolf in Sheepâs Clothing.
My
kind of trouble.
Time to poke the hornetâs nest. With a flamethrower.
Eros:
Ladies, forgive the silence. Miami has been... educational.
The typing indicators didnât just light up. They
detonated
. A digital supernova of desperate interest. Like dropping a steak into a shark tank during Black Friday doorbusters.
Vivienne Carter:
Educational? Weâre all eager students here.
Anastasia Romanov:
Iâve always excelled at private tutoring.
Madison Torres:
Down, girls. Heâs been handling actual business.
Madison, playing defense? Or just marking territory? The swagger suggests sheâs doing both.
Celeste Dubois:
Madison, possessive doesnât suit you. Though that dress at the Setai certainly did.
Celeste, attempting a catfight. Madison wouldnât suit? Darling, Madison could wear a potato sack and make it look like couture warfare.
Gabrielle:
Speaking of which, is anyone else still recovering from that party?
Ashby Rousseau:
Recovering? Iâve been reliving it. Particularly that conversation about French wine versus Italian
Sophia:
That wasnât about wine and we all know it.
Finally, Sophia states the obvious. Gold star for Captain Obvious.
Amanda Wells:
Subtlety is dead in this chat, isnât it?
Vivienne Carter:
Subtlety is for people who arenât clear about what they want
Eros:
And youâre all very clear? Letâs see how deep this rabbit hole goes.
Anastasia Romanov:
Crystal. Like the vodka Iâm currently not drinking alone.
âNot aloneâ implies a phone. Or a cat. Either way, tragic.
Celeste Dubois:
Itâs past midnight. Perfect time for clarity.
The chat flowed now, a masterpiece of haute couture horniness. Every word draped in silk, hiding the naked ambition underneath.
They could talk about âdrinksâ and âartâ and âvodkaâ all night, but the subtext was screaming:
ME. PICK ME. LOOK AT MY STUFF/MONEY/AVAILABILITY.
It was a high-end silent auction, and I was the only lot.
Gabrielle:
My schedule is surprisingly open tomorrow. Barcelona extended again
Ashby Rousseau:
Paris can wait. Miami has better... views.
Celeste Dubois:
Madison, that greedy girl, sheâs been hoarding him
Madison Torres:
Can you blame me?
Amanda Wells:
Sheâs sharing the wealth with me
Ashby Rousseau:
Speaking of sharing... are you available tonight?
Vivienne Carter:
Is that an invitation?
Anastasia Romanov:
I have vodka and a penthouse. Just saying
Gabrielle:
I have champagne and a yacht
Celeste Dubois:
I have wine and my gallery. Very private after hours
Amanda Wells:
I have his attention. Sorry ladies
Madison Torres:
WE have his attention
Ashby Rousseau:
This is becoming territorial
No shit, Sherlock. The claws are unsheathed, the Louboutins are sharpened, and the chat is moving faster than crypto during a pump-and-dump scheme.
Sophia:
Can we discuss how he just vanished after basically making every woman at that party consider divorce?
Vivienne Carter:
Already divorced, so I was ahead of the curve
Anastasia Romanov:
My husbandâs in Moscow. What he doesnât know...
Gabrielle:
Mine thinks Iâm at a spa retreat
It was like a The Confessional Corner. Vivienne: Smug DivorcĂ©e. Anastasia: Adulterer. Gabrielle: Pathological Liar. Itâs a Real Housewives reunion, minus the reunion budget.
Eros:
Ladies, you flatter me.
They pounced like starving hyenas on a T-bone.
Celeste Dubois:
Weâre trying to do more than flatter you
Ashby Rousseau:
Much more
Amanda Wells:
So much more
Madison Torres:
Eros, stop encouraging them!
Eros:
Why? This is entertaining
Because watching wealthy, bored women unravel is better than pay-per-view. And mildly terrifying. Like watching a powder keg wearing mink coats.
Vivienne Carter:
We could be more entertaining in person.
Anastasia Romanov:
Group meeting? For drinks?
Gabrielle:
"Drinks"
Sophia:
I love "drinks"
Celeste Dubois:
My gallery has an excellent wine collection
Ashby Rousseau:
When?
Amanda Wells:
Now?
ARIAâs voice came through my earbuds: "Master, youâre literally creating a feeding frenzy. These women are about to form a mob."
Madison Torres:
ABSOLUTELY NOT. Itâs late and heâs busy
Vivienne Carter:
Busy doing what?
Madison Torres:
Business things
Anastasia Romanov:
Is that what weâre calling it now?
Gabrielle:
I have business too. Urgent business
Celeste Dubois:
My business is very pressing
Sophia:
Critical business that requires immediate attention
Eros:
Ladies, as much as Iâd love to attend to all your... business... tonight isnât possible
Vivienne Carter:
đ
Anastasia Romanov:
When then?
Ashby Rousseau:
Tomorrow?
Gabrielle:
Iâll clear my schedule
Amanda Wells:
I already have
Madison Torres:
You vultures!
Celeste Dubois:
Says the girl whoâs been monopolizing him
Sophia:
Sharing is caring, Madison
Sophia:
The museumâs closed tomorrow. I could give a private tour.
Madison Torres:
Youâre all shameless.
Vivienne Carter:
Says the woman who marked territory at the party like a cat with Chanel.
Amanda Wells:
Can we discuss how Madison literally created a human barrier?
Madison Torres:
Strategic positioning.
Anastasia Romanov:
Is that what weâre calling it?
I watched them banter, these women who moved in circles where money was assumed and power was currency. Each one successful, sophisticated, and apparently bored out of their minds with their current situations.
Eros:
You all seem to know each other well.
Celeste Dubois:
Miamiâs elite circles are surprisingly small. Weâve all been to the same terrible charity galas.
Vivienne Carter:
Supported the same questionable causes.
Ashby Rousseau:
Avoided the same boring husbands.
Gabrielle:
Speaking of avoiding youâre avoiding the earlier conversation... is anyone free tomorrow evening?
Sophia:
Depends on the invitation.
Anastasia Romanov:
I could be persuaded.
Eros:
Celeste, didnât you mention your gallery has exceptional wine?
Celeste Dubois:
I might have mentioned the â61 ChĂąteau Margaux. Among other exceptional things.
Vivienne Carter:
Using wine as bait? I respect the strategy.
Amanda Wells:
Is this happening?
Madison Torres:
No.
Ashby Rousseau:
Yes.
Gabrielle:
Absolutely.
Sophia:
The gallery is very private after hours, isnât it, Celeste?
Celeste Dubois:
Extremely. Discretion is guaranteed.
Anastasia Romanov:
Nine tomorrow?
Eros:
If Celeste is hosting...
Celeste Dubois:
Consider it confirmed. The Dubois Gallery, 9 PM. Iâll arrange everything.
Vivienne Carter:
"Everything" is doing a lot of work in that sentence.
Madison Torres:
This is a terrible idea.
Amanda Wells:
The best ideas usually are.
Ashby Rousseau:
Iâll bring champagne. The kind that makes good decisions optional.
Gabrielle:
Optional decisions are my specialty.
The taxi pulled up to my destination as the chat continued its delicate dance between propriety and proposition.
Gabrielle:
Already planning my outfit
Ashby Rousseau:
Or lack thereof
Amanda Wells:
Subtle, Ashby
Sophia:
Who needs subtle?
Madison Torres:
I hate all of you
Vivienne Carter:
No, you donât. You just hate sharing
Anastasia Romanov:
Poor little heiress, having to share her man
Sophia Chen:
Should we discuss dress code more?
Anastasia Romanov:
Sophisticated with potential for less.
Vivienne Carter:
Thatâs every outfit if youâre creative.
Celeste Dubois:
My gallery, my rules. Come as you are, leave as you want to be.
Madison Torres:
Thatâs not even subtle.
Amanda Wells:
Nothing about this chat is subtle.
Eros:
Tomorrow then. Try not to terrorize Miami in the meantime.
Ashby Rousseau:
No promises.
Gabrielle:
None at all.
I laughed.
Eros:
Ladies, until tomorrow. Final warning again: Try to behave
Gabrielle:
Whereâs the fun in that?
Celeste Dubois:
My gallery, 9 PM. Iâll have the ChĂąteau Margaux â61
Vivienne Carter:
Pulling out the big guns
Anastasia Romanov:
This is war
Madison Torres:
Youâre all ridiculous
Amanda Wells:
Ridiculously excited
Ashby Rousseau:
Ă demain, mon cher
Sophia:
What she said, but in English
I closed the chat as I entered the hotel, already seeing another dozen messages appearing. These women operated on a different level â where desire was currency and discretion was assumed rather than requested.
"Master," ARIA observed, "youâve just arranged a gathering of eight wealthy, women at a private venue after hours. Youâre planning an orgy, arenât ya?"
"Noticed that, did you?"
"The subtext in that chat could kill someone. Theyâre being subtle like a Lamborghini is subtle."
Tomorrow night at the Dubois Gallery would be the most interesting evening of their lives.
But tonight, I had vultures to destroy and evidence to deliver to a certain lady. The Appreciation Society would have to appreciate patience.
Though based on that chat, patience wasnât their strong suit.
Time to meet her!