Chapter 123 | Permission to be Difficult

Naomi’s face crumpled. The tears came all at once. Silent. Running down her cheeks. Dripping off her jaw.

I wanted to look away. Give her privacy. But she still held my hand with her free one so I stayed exactly where I was.

Her mother kept talking. Pride and relief and fear all mixed together.

"Your brothers are going to lose their minds. Mikal has been asking every day if you’re okay. Devon drew you a picture. It’s on the fridge. A superhero with pink hair saving people."

Naomi laughed through the tears.

"Tell him I’ll call tonight. Tell them both I’ll call."

"We’re so proud of you, baby. So proud."

"I was scared," Naomi admitted. "I was so scared I’d fail. That I’d come here and prove Captain Cross wrong for sponsoring me."

"You proved him right," her father said. His voice thick. "You proved everyone right who believed in you."

They talked for another five minutes. Her parents asking about food, sleep, friends, professors. Naomi answering everything with increasing steadiness. Her voice getting stronger as the conversation went on.

When she finally hung up, she sat there holding her phone with both hands. Staring at the black screen.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Making me call them."

"You would’ve called eventually."

"Maybe." She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "Maybe not. I get in my head sometimes. Start thinking I don’t deserve to celebrate until I’ve done more."

"That’s stupid."

She laughed. Actually laughed. Wet and genuine.

"You’re bad at comforting people."

"I’m great at comforting people. I just don’t lie while doing it."

She put her phone away. Looked at me properly. Her pink eyes still wet but not crying anymore.

"You killed the alpha."

"Team effort."

"You broke formation. Ran forward when Belle was in trouble."

"She was screaming."

"She told us afterward it was tactical screaming."

"Sure it was."

"Misato said you could’ve died. That breaking formation was reckless."

"Worked out fine."

"This time."

She shifted closer on the bench. Our thighs touched. She didn’t move away.

"I was mad at you."

"I know."

"Still am. A little."

"Fair."

"But you held my hand while I called my parents. And you didn’t have to do that."

"Wanted to."

Her face did something complicated. The same expression from last night when I’d said similar words. Like she was trying to figure out if I meant them or if this was strategy disguised as sincerity.

I squeezed her hand once.

"You’re allowed to be mad and happy at the same time. They’re not mutually exclusive."

"That’s confusing."

"Life’s confusing."

"You’re confusing."

"Also true."

She leaned her head against my shoulder. We sat there watching the ocean pretend it cared about human drama. The waves kept coming in. Going out. Doing their thing regardless of rankings or assessments or systems that counted down to death.

My phone buzzed. Probably Belle. Or Aurora. Or Blair sending death threats via text.

I ignored it.

"Are you okay?" Naomi asked.

"Define okay."

"Your shoulder. From the Crawler bite."

"Bruised. Not broken."

"You should go to medical."

"It’ll heal."

"Jace."

"Naomi."

She lifted her head. Looked at me with that expression that meant she was about to be stubborn.

"Medical. Today. Promise me."

"After Aurora."

"Before Aurora. Because if you die on your date from infection I’ll be upset."

"That’s your concern? That I’ll die before the date?"

"I have priorities."

I laughed. Couldn’t help it. The sound came out genuine and surprised.

She smiled. Small but real.

"There. That’s better."

"What is?"

"You laughing. You haven’t done that much this week."

"Been busy."

"Busy dying and collecting girlfriends."

"That’s. Fair actually."

We sat in silence for another minute. My phone kept buzzing but I kept ignoring it.

Eventually Naomi spoke again. Quieter this time.

"Aurora’s really pretty."

"Yeah."

"And ranked."

"Yeah."

"And experienced. Probably. She’s a second year."

"Probably."

"I’m just. I’m just me."

I turned to look at her fully. Her pink and black hair. Her pink eyes that matched the hair. Her brown skin catching the afternoon light. The shell necklace from her mother. The way she bit her lower lip when nervous.

"You’re Naomi."

"That’s. That’s not a compliment."

"It is though."

"How?"

"You chose me when I was nobody. When I was two hundred fifty out of two hundred fifty and couldn’t run a mile without dying. When I had no stats, no abilities, no friends, no prospects."

"You needed help."

"Lots of people needed help. You helped me."

Her cheeks warmed. The pink spreading down her neck.

"That doesn’t make me special."

"Makes you different than everyone else here."

She looked away. Toward the ocean. Her fingers tightened in mine.

"I’m going to be terrible at this. At. Whatever this is. With you and Belle and now Aurora."

"You’re doing fine."

"I cried this morning about you having a date."

"That’s allowed."

"It’s pathetic."

"It’s honest."

"Same thing."

"Not even close."

She turned back to me. Searched my face for something. I didn’t know what.

"You really don’t mind that I’m. That I get jealous and insecure and need reassurance constantly?"

"Everyone needs reassurance."

"Not Belle."

"Belle needs it too. She just hides it better."

"You’re probably right."

"I’m always right."

She shoved my shoulder. The one that wasn’t bitten. I barely moved but made an exaggerated wounded sound anyway.

She laughed. Then immediately looked guilty.

"Sorry. Sorry I didn’t mean to."

"I’m fine. The Crawler did actual damage. You’re just being mean."

"I’m not mean."

"You’re a little mean."

"Only to you."

"Why only me?"

"Because you’ll let me."

That. That was probably accurate.

My phone buzzed again. This time with a group chat notification.

MISATO: Team meeting. My place. 1400 hours. Non-negotiable.

BELLE: Why your place?

MISATO: Privacy.

JORDAN: I hate meetings.

MISATO: Noted. Show up anyway.

I showed Naomi the screen. She read it and sighed.

"Two o’clock. That’s three hours."

"Plenty of time."

"For what?"

"Medical. Then lunch. Then we show up and find out what fresh hell Misato has planned."

"You think Blair’s going to do something?"

"Blair’s definitely going to do something. Question is what and when."

Naomi stood. Pulled me up with her. She was tall enough that we were almost eye level. Just a couple inches of height difference.

"I’m glad you’re not dead."

"Same."

"And I’m glad we’re on the same team."

"Also same."

"And I’m. I’m trying. With the Belle thing. And the Aurora thing. And whatever other things happen."

"I know."

"But I reserve the right to be difficult about it."

"Wouldn’t expect anything else."

She smiled. Then kissed me. Quick. Soft. Over before I could really process it.

When she pulled back her cheeks were pink again.

"What was that for?"

"Because you held my hand while I called my parents. Because you killed an alpha when you didn’t have to. Because you’re you."

My chest did something weird. Uncomfortable. Like someone had reached in and rearranged my organs without permission.

I covered it by checking my phone.

"Medical’s in Zone Four. Ten minute walk."

"Then we should go."