Vol 4. Chapter 12: Impersonating a Seasoned Master

“Hey, hey, it’s a girl you don’t know.” As Ferdi talked about it, he looked exactly like some lovestruck little boy going through his first crush. It was hard to imagine this was the same guy who was usually rough as hell and loud and carefree.

It made Vinny feel a little sick just watching him.

“So who is it, exactly? What does she look like? You’re not saying anything, you’re not giving me a single piece of information—how am I supposed to help you??” The ominous feeling in Vinny’s chest only got heavier.

“Her... yeah, she’s super pretty. Blue—ice blue. Her eyes are that color too. Let me think... it’s kind of like your hair color. You remember that support badge I dropped on the ground that day, right?” Ferdi said, like he’d gathered up every last shred of courage just to bring it up.

“Actually... actually, bro Vinny, I’m going to tell you a secret. A secret I absolutely can’t let anyone else know!” Ferdi said in a low voice, solemn as hell.

“...? What secret?”

“Actually, I don’t have any friend who asked me to hold onto a support-fan badge for him. That friend...” Ferdi took a deep breath, like it took everything he had to say it. “That friend... was me!”

“..........” Vinny went silent. After a long while, he finally couldn’t help saying, “That’s what you wanted to tell me?”

“Huh? Yeah! Don’t you think that’s shocking??” Ferdi couldn’t understand why Vinny was being so calm about it.

Vinny fell into silence again.

So you’re the real silence Sorcerer, huh? Even this young master—crowned-rank silence Sorcerer—got silenced by you.

“Bro Ferdi, that so-called secret of yours—everyone in the club already knows. Can you tell me something I don’t know?” Vinny said, dead inside.

“Huh?? Everyone already knows? Ah... I thought people didn’t. Haha. I mean, my image in the club has always been the tough-guy route, you know.” Ferdi said, embarrassed.

Vinny wanted to speak, then didn’t. Then wanted to speak again. He genuinely didn’t know what he was supposed to say anymore.

“But what does that have to do with what kind of girl I like?” Ferdi asked, like he was looking for comfort. Or maybe he was just comforting himself.

“Yeah. It has nothing to do with it.”

“Who says a tough guy—especially a card-playing tough guy—can’t like that kind of girl? Right?”

“Yeah. Nobody says that.”

“And a person’s interests are their own business. There’s no right or wrong. Nobody gets to criticize it, right? That’s how it is, yeah?”

“Yeah. No right or wrong.”

“The type I like is exactly this—tsundere, sharp-tongued, always saying the opposite of what she means, flat-chested beautiful girl. So what?!” Ferdi said indignantly.

“You’re the one who’s always saying the opposite of what you mean!” Vinny finally couldn’t hold it in.

“Huh?” Ferdi looked totally blank after getting yelled at. “Bro Vinny, you... what’s wrong with you?”

“...Nothing.” Vinny pressed his lips together. He knew he couldn’t expose himself, so he could only take the hit and not talk back.

“So, bro Vinny—like I said, that’s my type. Can you help me think of a way, how I can chase her—”

“No chance. No cure. Go back, wash up, and sleep.” Before Ferdi could finish, Vinny fired off a clean combo.

And didn’t Ferdi understand it himself? What the hell did he know about chasing girls? Did he have any experience? Who had he ever chased??

If he opened his mouth and a real seasoned master heard it, wouldn’t he get exposed on the spot? That’d be even more humiliating.

And what was Ferdi even doing?!

Telling me to teach him how to chase me??

Are you even awake??

“Huh??” Ferdi stared, shocked. Of course he wasn’t giving up that easily. “Why? Bro Vinny, am I really that hopeless?”

“Yeah. Hopeless. Not even a little bit of hope. Don’t fantasize. It’s impossible.” Vinny crossed his arms and said it with total certainty.

“Why? Do you know this girl?” Ferdi wasn’t going to accept it if Vinny didn’t give a reason.

“I don’t. Of course I don’t.” Vinny answered without thinking.

“Then why are you so sure I have no chance?!” Ferdi was completely lost.

“Let me ask you, bro Ferdi. Do you know her?” Vinny asked.

“Of course I do! Her name is Vinnia—hey, it even sounds pretty close to your name, bro Vinny.”

Vinny ignored that and continued seriously. “Does she know you?”

“Uh... no. I was down under the stage. She was on the stage.” Ferdi scratched his head.

“On the stage? What were you doing then?” Vinny kept going.

“Uh... we were watching a beauty contest. She was a contestant in it. Ah, you didn’t know? When she won first place, she was so dazzling!”

“Oh. Then it’s even more hopeless.” Vinny analyzed it with the air of a seasoned master.

“Huh?? Why is that?!” Ferdi was stunned. Normally in class he was a hundred kinds of not serious—he wanted to do everything except listen. But now he was listening harder than anyone, like a model student.

“Think about it. You two don’t even know each other. She doesn’t even know who you are. How are you supposed to chase her??”

“We can get to know each other!” Ferdi said.

“How? Do you even know what class she’s in?” Vinny raised a brow.

“Uh... no. I’ve never dared to go look for her.” Ferdi looked extremely embarrassed.

“Look at you.” Vinny immediately put on the posture of a veteran of the dating battlefield and started lecturing Ferdi. “Why don’t you dare go look for her? If you don’t even have the courage to find her, how are you going to start? How are you going to chase her??”

“I... it’s obviously because—”

“Because you’re afraid of being rejected, afraid she’ll hate you, right?? I’m telling you, bro Ferdi, with that mindset alone you can’t chase any girl. Before you even start, you already lost at the starting line.” Vinny clicked his tongue.

“First, you said she’s a beauty-contest champion, right? A woman like that definitely isn’t lacking guys chasing her. Whether you’re good enough or not—forget that for now. Just on the courage part, you’re already filtered out, bro Ferdi. She can’t even see you. She doesn’t know who you are. Do you understand??”

“A real man either charges straight ahead, or he doesn’t start thinking about it in the first place. This wavering—wanting it but not acting, hesitating without deciding—this is the most torturous way to treat yourself, and it’s also the most disrespectful way to treat the other person. If you ask me, if you’re going to approach her with this timid, failure-fearing mindset, you might as well not go at all and just let it die in the womb.” Vinny shook his head.

“.........I understand, bro Vinny. You’re right!” Vinny thought he’d made Ferdi back off. But after getting scolded like that, Ferdi went quiet for a moment, then suddenly looked enlightened. “So what you mean is—I have to gather my courage and confess?!”

“I didn’t say that?!” Vinny had thought Ferdi was going to give up. He’d said all that specifically to make him give up. He hurriedly said, “What I mean is—cough! You need to understand her first. Understand what kind of person she is, right? Then we can prescribe the right medicine.”

“Oh! Right, right, right—bro Vinny, you’re totally right. That makes sense. That’s exactly what I should do!” Ferdi nodded again and again.

“Right? You don’t even know much about her. How are you going to chase her? How are you going to cater to her preferences? If you ask me, there are some girls in this world—you just can’t chase them.” After Vinny said that, his tone shifted, and he started laying groundwork and poking around the edges.

“For example... you’re not her type. For example... she’s not interested in you. Or you don’t have fate. Or—maybe... she’s kind of special.”

“Huh? Kind of special—what does that mean?” Ferdi didn’t understand Vinny’s hint.

“Ahem. Special is special. It means you can’t use normal methods to chase them.” Vinny kept hinting.

“Then what? Bro Vinny, in your experience, is Vinnia that kind of girl?” Ferdi asked nervously. “If she is, what method should I use to chase her?”

“Hey, hey, bro Ferdi, don’t do that. Don’t come in that impatient right away, okay? That’s how you trigger a girl’s guard.” Vinny sighed softly.

“Ah, so that’s how it is. Then what should I do, bro Vinny?”

“This... I don’t know. I’m telling you, some girls are special. They’re not the kind a guy can chase.” Vinny tried to organize his words.

“Huh?? What do you mean ‘not the kind a guy can chase,’ bro Vinny??” That sentence outright crashed Ferdi’s processor. Like he’d touched a brand-new world.

“It means exactly what it says.” Vinny spread his hands. “What else could it mean?”

“It can’t be that those girls don’t like guys, right?”

“Hey, bro Ferdi, correct. No prize, though.” Vinny had been waiting for Ferdi to reach that conclusion, and he smoothly pushed it forward. “That’s what I mean. Some girls don’t like guys. How are you supposed to chase that? You can’t. You’ll never catch them.”

For example, that white-haired nutball who has to wear a pair of disposable gloves just to touch a guy—then throws them away after.

“A girl who flat-out doesn’t want to take the move—what can you do? What method do you have??”

“Th-then... if that kind of girl doesn’t like guys, she can’t possibly like girls, right?” Ferdi couldn’t help saying.

“Hey, congratulations. Correct again. Can’t rule out that possibility.” Vinny explained with the calm air of someone who knew everything.

“Then... Vinnia can’t possibly be that kind of girl, right?” Ferdi still wouldn’t give up.

“Hard to say, bro Ferdi. Really hard to say.” Vinny shook his head.

“Bro Vinny, how can you tell? Is there some sign?”

“Hey, hey, signs and all that—you have to feel it yourself.” Vinny waved a hand, looking deep and unfathomable. “People always say you need techniques to flirt with girls. If you ask me, there’s no such thing.”

“No technique. Practice makes perfect. It’s a feeling. An experience. An intuition.”

“Uh...” Ferdi felt like he didn’t understand, but it also seemed insanely impressive.

Yeah. Exactly. That’s the feeling I need.

Vinny had to pick this kind of stuff—things you can’t quite understand, things that sound like something but also like nothing, like he said something but also didn’t—but somehow still sounds powerful. Only then could he avoid exposing the fact that he was a romance newbie too, and make Ferdi trust him and stop thinking about this stupid mess.

My brother wants me to teach him how to hook up with me. What kind of situation is this??

Vinny was extremely speechless inside.

“So... in your experience, bro Vinny, you think Vinnia isn’t straight??” Ferdi looked like he couldn’t believe it.

“I didn’t say that. I haven’t seen it with my own eyes. But I think... we can’t rule out that possibility.” Vinny kept it vague. Even a one-percent chance was still a chance.

“Ah... is that so.”

“So, bro Ferdi—people are complicated and multi-layered. Any possibility can exist.” Vinny said.

“I get it! Bro Vinny, you mean I should observe more, and understand what kind of person she is, right?” Ferdi looked like he’d achieved enlightenment.

“Ah, yeah! That too! What you said is right. Yes, that’s it. Not bad. Great comprehension—teachable, teachable!” Vinny praised him, even though he didn’t know what he was saying either.

Good. Go. Go investigate.

Anyway, Vinnia didn’t even exist. Investigating was pointless. If you can’t even find the person, how are you supposed to understand them? Where would you even start??

Let Ferdi go torment himself alone. There was nothing else to do. Who told him to fall for someone he absolutely shouldn’t fall for??

This was as far as Vinny could help him. After a while, when Ferdi’s three-minute enthusiasm cooled off, this whole thing would pass too.

That’s what Vinny thought.

“Alright. That’s basically all I had to tell you. Stuff like this—what other people say to you is basically useless. The most important thing is you practicing yourself, understanding yourself, comprehending yourself. I’ve taught you everything I can. How far you can go depends on your own fate.” Vinny stood with his hands behind his back, looking like some master giving instruction.

“Ah, okay! I understand! Thank you, bro Vinny! If I succeed, I won’t forget to thank you properly!” Ferdi hurriedly said.

Succeed my ass! What are you dreaming about?!

Vinny almost wanted to jump up and smack Ferdi on the head to wake him up.

Bro, you’re really starving. What the hell are you trying to do??

After sending Ferdi away, Vinny went to find Shicodale, who had been waiting for him up ahead.

“Dale, sorry to keep you waiting.”

“No, Vinny, not at all. What did big brother Ferdi say to you?” Shicodale asked. “If it’s convenient... can you tell me?”

“That guy Ferdi fell for a girl. He came to me for advice.” Vinny simplified the story. Even though Shicodale knew Vinnia existed, Vinny still didn’t want to talk about it.

Because—how do you even say it?

This whole thing was really not something you could just casually say out loud.