She pressed more with her broken voice and a face completely different from the one she usually wore. A face that Jax himself wasnāt able to register as belonging to the girl he knew.
"But Professor, I am not a weapon. And I donāt want to be treated like one." Her words trembled. "I am a person. I have emotions too. I have my own desires. I can have feelings too like the one thatās eating me alive right now. This jealousy that I donāt even know why itās..."
Tears started forming in her eyes. She looked at him with a face so pathetic, so stripped of every layer of pride she had ever carried, that it looked like someone else entirely.
"See this?" She pointed at her own face. "I canāt remember the last time I cried. And thatās all your fault, you scum."
Her voice cracked further.
"I donāt even understand whatās happening to me. Iāve tried. Iāve sat alone in my room replaying every single interaction weāve had and I still canāt put a name to this thing inside my chest."
She pressed her palm against her sternum as if trying to reach whatever was rotting inside.
"The more I look at you, the more I interact with you, the more I just want to be close to you. And in response, all I get is more distance. With my power I could have gotten everything I feel jealous of. I could have gotten the time with you. I could have bounded you as my slave or someone only mine. And if things didnāt work out, if you still drove me insane, I would have thrown you away from my life. From this land."
Her voice dropped. "But I couldnāt even do that."
A painful smile crept onto her face.
"I called it foolish. Called the same thing foolish that I used to be prideful of. The same thing I had done so many times to people who crossed my path without a second thought. But you were different. And the feeling we carried was different too."
She swallowed.
"I knew something was wrong with me. I knew you were using some kind of magic against me. The kind I warned others about. Magic that draws someone into your presence. Or even without your presence."
She wiped her tears roughly with the back of her hand.
"Your magic started to corrode me when I realized I didnāt respond to your insults by punishing you. In fact, there was a time I smiled at your mocking. Forget the past, today itself I donāt know why I was craving just one more teasing. Just one more insult that would make me say I hate you when you werenāt showing up."
She looked at the sky. Her eyes glistening against the evening light.
"I always said that I hate you. But in reality, I never did. Hating you would have made things so much simpler. Despite everything you did to me. Every insult. Every time you looked at me with that distant eye like I was some problem child. Instead of hating it, I was enjoying it."
A broken laugh left her. "How foolish of me, isnāt it?"
She lowered her gaze back to him.
"I had so many questions. What makes you that special? What makes me lose myself like this? Is it just because youāre the first person to talk to me the way you do? Is it because you donāt treat me like a noble, or some trouble, or an asset like everyone else does? Or is it something else entirely?"
Her voice hardened with frustration.
"All of this makes me lose my mind. And I canāt keep going like this. I canāt keep watching you give pieces of yourself to everyone else while I get nothing."
Silence fell after her words.
Jax looked at her. At the utterly broken form standing in front of him. The tears. The sobbing. The emotions she had been burying for god knows how long finally erupting out of every crack in her armor.
He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. Pulled her into his chest. Her face buried against him and her body shuddered with the sobs she had been fighting. His hand rested on the back of her head, gently patting her hair.
"Iām sorry, Astrid." His voice came out quieter than she had ever heard it. "Iām sorry that I failed you. As a teacher. No, as a person. I failed to see what my own student was going through."
He held her for a moment longer. Then loosened his grip and stepped back just enough to look at her face.
"Tell me what you want from me. Tell me how I can pay for my mistake."
She went silent. Even her sobbing died in an instant. Her mind was working. Processing. Turning over every possible answer.
Then her expression said it all. She had found the best possible answer she could muster.
"Time."
Jax blinked. "Time?"
"With you." She met his eyes. "Just time. Where thereās no one else except us. No class or tournament drama. No student-teacher formalities. No other students pulling you in ten different directions."
Her voice went firm.
"I want to understand what this is. What Iām going through. Why your presence does this to me. Why your absence makes it worse. I canāt figure it out alone. Iāve tried. It doesnāt work."
She took a breath.
"I want you to open up to me. Not the professor. But the person I saw in that demon realm dungeon. The one who was completely different. The one that keeps appearing in my dreams again and again."
Then her cheeks flushed. Red spreading across her face like a wildfire she couldnāt contain. She looked embarrassed. Mortified even. But she pushed through it.
"So I want a... I want..."
She swallowed hard.
"A date."
And there it was. The peak of what the world calls embarrassment. A color so red it consumed her entire face, crawled up her neck, and turned even her ears into burning signals of humiliation.
She started panicking immediately. "Not a date! I mean just two people talking alone without the whole world watching or interrupting or existing. Thatās technically not a date. Thatās a strategic debrief."
She barely glanced at Jaxās confused face before trying to correct herself further. "What I mean isā"
But Jax cut in. "Tomorrow evening."
Her mouth froze mid-word. "...What?"
"Iāll clear my schedule tomorrow evening. And if you have a problem with tomorrow, we can schedule our strategic debrief for later."
Astrid couldnāt believe it. She needed to confirm. "Youāre agreeing? Just like that? You didnāt even mock me or tease me for my pathetic situation."
Jax gave her a clean chop on the top of her head.
"You sure like getting insulted. Iāve only heard about these kinds of kinks from rumors."
She pouted. The pout that brought back the Astrid he recognized. And with it, a smile returned to his face.
"And as for agreeing, why wouldnāt I? I canāt see my student in pain. Also, youāve accumulated enough points for me to face Zharina on the leaderboard. So consider it a bonus."
The warmth that had been building in Astridās chest was immediately interrupted by a tournament staff member approaching them.
"Lady Aleris, your next match will begin in five minutes. You are requested to appear at the inspection hall immediately."
She nodded. Turned to follow him. But her left hand was grabbed from behind.
Jax held it gently. Turned it over. Scanned the wound that had been patched to a certain extent but still looked painful. Bloody gauze wrapped around the palm where the blade had cut deep.
He looked at it and said. "Donāt fight stupid. And show up in one piece. I canāt take damaged goods on a strategic debrief."
He let her hand go.
She started following the staff. Then looked over her shoulder with a smile that carried more life than anything she had shown in days.
"I canāt guarantee that. Iāll be farming maximum points by winning this final."
And she was gone.
After some time, Astrid and her opponent stood in the arena. The seats were packed. The crowd was buzzing. Two of the most popular girls in the academy were standing on the stage and everyone wanted to see the final clash even after knowing what the result might be.
Astridās opponent was a final-year student. The youngest person ever chosen as an apprentice by the head of the Mage Tower. She was from Zharinaās roster, pulled into the tournament through Zharinaās tricks despite having no interest in competing.
And she was guaranteed to win this match. Even if Astrid wasnāt injured.
The girl scanned Astridās condition. The bandaged hands. The cuts. The exhaustion written across every inch of her body.
"I donāt think you can fight like this. If you push forward in your condition, youāll only make it worse for your body."
Her voice was calm. Analytical. The voice of someone who had already calculated the outcome.
"You donāt stand a chance against me. Not in the state youāre in. So it would be betterā"
Astrid cut her off with a grin. The kind that had been missing from her face for days.
"It isnāt just you. Every fool watching us is nursing the exact same fantasy."
She rolled her injured wrist and cracked her neck.
"But you have my word. I will not even allow you the dignity of reaching my shadow, let alone my level."
In the VIP box above the arena, every word was heard. Every detail was being watched even the heated moment between the teacher and student. The sight of a daughter who had been falling apart now standing with a fire that hadnāt been there an hour ago.
Astridās father stood at the glass. His expression was unreadable and beside him, Sylvie watched the same scene with a knowing look.
She leaned toward him and said. "Did you hear that?"
-x-X-x-
[A/N: Please check the notes below.]