The Fauna they were speaking of wasnāt just anyone.
No, she was, Fauna Lumirielle Necrosia, one of the Five Battle Angels, ascended now into the ranks of the divine, worshipped across nations as the, "Plague Maiden of Eternal Life and Rotting Death".
Her SSS-Class blessing was as miraculous as it was horrifying.
With a single touch, she could restore a man on the brink of death, even if his limbs had been severed, even if his body rotted with incurable disease.
To those who saw her radiant light, Faunaās gift seemed nothing short of saintly, her hands glowing with warmth that could rival the mercy of God Himself.
But in the very same breath, she was also feared.
For that gentle touch could turn cruel in an instant. If she willed it, she could summon pestilence to sweep through entire nations, causing organs to fester, bodies to twist and blacken, and the air itself to choke with rot.
To anger Fauna was to invite genocide, to beg for a slow, agonizing end as plagues consumed all life.
She was a being of contradiction, life and death, blessing and blight, a figure both beautiful and terrifying in equal measure.
But none of that was why Mika trembled now.
No...Mikaās fear came from something entirely different. Something far more personal.
Fauna, for all her divine power, was utterly helpless when it came to her feelings for him.
Her love was simply...Overwhelming...Smothering...Catastrophic
Especially when he was sick, she became a bit too much.
She treated him like the most delicate thing in existence, as though a single breeze could shatter him, and lavished such relentless attention on his care that he still had nightmares about it.
Like when Mika got a fever when he was eleven years old, she stationed herself at his bedside like a divine guardian angel, glowing hands constantly on his forehead, whispering prayers under her breath as though a single sneeze would end his life.
Every time he coughed, she gasped like sheād been stabbed in the chest. "Donāt you dare leave me, Mika! Breathe! Breathe!"
She also spoon-fed him porridge as if he were a newborn chick, blowing on each spoonful for what felt like hours.
Then came the worst of it:
The time she pre-chewed his food.
"Oh, Mika, your poor throat is too weak for chewing." She cooed with tragic determination, turning away as her jaw worked the morsel like some doting bird-mother. Then she held it out to him reverently, as if offering a holy offering. "Here...Mama Fauna will make it easy for you. Open up~"
Mikaās soul had left his body that day.
But it didnāt stop there.
She declared his room a "Sacred Quarantine Zone," barring even other battle angels and duaghters from entering. She burned incense to "cleanse the air" every hour, stuffed healing talismans under his pillow, and circled his bed sprinkling holy water until the floorboards squeaked.
And the baths...Oh god, the baths.
Fauna had personally carried him, bridal style, into steaming tubs filled with rose petals and sacred oils, muttering fervent chants to "draw the sickness out."
She washed his hair with painstaking care, her fingers massaging his scalp as though he were a dying emperor. Then she tenderly scrubbed his back, humming lullabies in a voice so soft it made his skin crawl.
At night, she swaddled him in no fewer than twelve blankets, wrapping him so tightly he couldnāt wiggle a toe.
"Youāre too delicate, Mika." She whispered fiercely, pressing her glowing palms to his chest. "I wonāt let the cruel world harm my precious boy, not while Iām here!"
And then if that wasnāt embarrassing, she tried to burp him like a toddler.
"Mama Fauna will take care of everything." She murmured as she patted his back. "Even if I have to keep you safe from your own tummy troubles~"
Mika felt sweat drip down his temples as he clawed back to the present moment.
"Sheās insane!" He croaked hoarsely, his face pale and haunted. "If you call her, Yelena...sheāll turn this hospital room into her personal nursery."
"Sheāll rock me to sleep in her lap, bandage my entire body, and treat me like Iām five years old again."
"I canāt survive that. Iām begging you, donāt let her near me!..Not now, not ever!"
He thought he was the only one in the room panicking at the prospect, but to his surprise, Charlotteās playful smirk had vanished. Her brows furrowed in a way that was rare for her, and there was even a faint, almost fearful glint in her eyes.
"You know..." Charlotte began, her voice quieter than usual. "What Mikaās saying actually...makes sense."
That alone was enough to make Mika blink at her in shock. "Wait, youāre agreeing with me?!"
She nodded solemnly, folding her arms over her chest. "Yes. Aunt Fauna is...sheās such a sweet, fluffy person. You look at her and think sheās like a teddy bear you wanna hug forever. And I love her. I really do."
Mika nodded along emphatically. "Exactly! Thatās how they get youā"
"But..." Charlotte continued, cutting him off as her lips twisted into a frown and her body gave a small, visible shiver. "Iāve also been there during my fever days. I was treated by Aunt Fauna for an entire week straight."
The memory alone made her hug herself, her eyes glazing over slightly as if reliving some unspeakable torment.
"I donāt want to remember that time ever again. Ever. Again."
Mika jabbed a finger in her direction, looking vindicated. "See? See what Iām talking about? You get it!"
Charlotte nodded gravely.
"And not to mention..." Mika added, his voice rising again with righteous frustration. "The hospital here already ran every single possible test on me!" He threw his hands up. "Blood tests, x-rays, MRIs, ultrasounds, you name it!"
"...They poked and prodded me like I was some kind of science experiment."
Yelena sighed, trying to regain her composure, but Mika wasnāt done yet.
"And the worst of it..."
He continued, his face paling slightly as he clenched the blanket tightly in his fists.
"The absolute worst of it, they even tried to...tried to do a prostate exam on me."
Both women froze.
Yelena blinked in surprise. "They...what?"
Charlotte tilted her head in confusion. "A...What kind of exam?"
Mika looked utterly traumatized now.
"I didnāt even know what was happening! The doctor just told me to lie on my side, and I thought it was another scan or something. But then, then that bastard came in with gloves on andā"
His voice cracked slightly as his eyes went wide with horror.
"...and he reached for my waistband! I swear, I thought I was about to be violated!"
Charlotteās jaw dropped. "W-What?!"
"I panicked!" Mika exclaimed, gripping his hair with both hands now. "I didnāt know what to do, so I jumped off the table and ran out of the room. I didnāt stop until I was three corridors away!"
There was a moment of stunned silence.
Yelenaās lips twitched. She was trying, trying very hard to keep a straight face, but the corners of her mouth kept trembling with suppressed laughter.
"Thatās...quite the mental image..."
But before she could finish her thought, Charlotte suddenly slapped her palms on the bed and shot forward, her face twisted in pure indignation.
"WHAT?!" She shrieked, her voice high and horrified. "HOW DARE THAT DOCTOR EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO MY PRECIOUS MIKA?!"
Mika blinked, startled by her outrage. His eyes softened slightly as he thought to himself, āFinally. She understands. Sheās showing empathy for the traumatic experience I went through. Sheās supporting me...ā
But before he could bask in the comfort of her concern, Charlotteās next words made his blood run cold.
"HOW DARE THAT DOCTOR TRY TO STEAL MIKAāS BUTT VIRGINITY!" She cried, her fists clenching tightly as her eyes burned with righteous fury.
"W-What?" Mika choked, his entire body jerking.
"I mean, if anyoneās going to take Mikaās butt virginity..." Charlotte continued, her voice dropping into a low, sultry tone as a lewd smile curved across her lips. "...then itās going to be me."
"C-Charlotte?!" Mikaās face turned pale as his voice cracked like a teenagerās.
She then leaned in closer, her eyes glinting wickedly. "I absolutely must be the one to see how flustered you get when it happens. Thatās non-negotiable."
Mika opened and closed his mouth like a fish, utterly dumbfounded. His horrified gaze darted to Yelena, silently begging her to rein her daughter in.
But Yelena only stared at Charlotte, her expression frozen in shock. Her lips opened slightly, but no words came out.
Finally, Mika spoke up, his voice awkward and strained as he forced a laugh. "Yelena...you really raised your daughter well, didnāt you?"
His words dripped with sarcasm as he gestured helplessly toward Charlotte, who was still smirking like a predator ready to pounce.
Yelena blinked once, twice, then slowly turned her head away, pressing a hand to her forehead.
"What daughter?..." She muttered under her breath. "I donāt remember having a daughter whoād say something so absurd."
Of course, deep down, Yelena knew how much her daughter adored Mika, how ridiculously, hopelessly in love she was.
But still...there were lines. Sacred lines. And this?
This wasnāt just crossing the line, it was torching it, dancing on the ashes, and declaring war on common sense.
If the public ever caught wind of this, she could already hear the scandalized gasps and imagine the headlines:
"Daughter of Goddess Declares Desire to Peg Boy, Continent in Outrage!" or worse. "Battle Angelās Heiress Wants to Dominate Fragile Mortal and poke is Chrysanthemum, Public Demand Explanation!"
āDear heavens...I canāt let this hit the news. If it did, Iād have to flee to another realm out of sheer embarrassment for raising such a crazy daughter.ā
Yelena pressed her fingers to her temple and groaned...