Chapter 99: I Forgive You A Thousand Times Over

Yelena’s tears spilled freely, shimmering as they rolled down her cheeks, her body trembling with the sheer force of her emotions. She gripped Mika’s shirt desperately, shaking her head again and again as if to chase away every dark word he had spoken.

"No! No, Mika, don’t you ever think like that!" Her voice cracked, breaking into sobs. "I would never turn you away! Not after everything, not after all the years I waited, longed, prayed you’d come back to me."

"...How could you believe I’d look at you and walk away? How could you think I’d abandon you?"

Her words came out between hiccupped sobs, wet and raw. She pressed her forehead into his chest, her voice muffled but no less fierce.

"You’re my everything, Mika. My heart, my joy, my reason for breathing. Even if you had hurt me a thousand times, even if you pushed me away for a lifetime, the second you reached out to me I’d take your hand again. Always."

She lifted her head again suddenly, her eyes fierce through the tears.

"Don’t you dare believe you don’t deserve it. Don’t you dare. Because you do. You’ve always deserved my love, every ounce of it, even when you rejected me. I never stopped loving you. Not once."

"...You think I cried alone every night because I hated you? I cried because I loved you so much it tore me apart!"

Mika widened his eyes slightly, feigning surprise, though inside his mind he was smiling slyly. Every word she poured out was more than he could have hoped for, an avalanche of devotion, exactly what he wanted.

Yelena then cupped his face with trembling hands, pulling him down so close their breaths mingled. Her tears dripped onto his skin, warm trails marking his cheeks.

"S-So if you’re sorry, if you’re saying all those cold years meant nothing, then listen to me now. I forgive you. A hundred times over. A thousand."

"I don’t care about the past. I only care that you’re here now, in my arms, finally letting me love you the way I’ve wanted to."

Her lips pressed to his forehead, then his cheeks, frantic and overflowing, like she couldn’t kiss him enough.

"I’ll never let you go again! Never. I’ll chain you to me if I have to. I don’t care what it takes, Mika, you’re mine."

She hugged him again with crushing strength, her sobs shaking through both their bodies.

"So, don’t ever say it’s useless again. Don’t ever doubt me again. Because I’ll always take you back. Always. Even if the world turns against you, even if you fall into hell itself, I’ll be right there, holding onto you, dragging you back if I must!"

Mika felt her clutch him like a lifeline, her tears soaking through his shirt until the fabric clung damp against his chest.

He had known this would happen, of course he had. Yelena had always been too vulnerable where he was concerned, too desperate for reassurance, too unable to resist the honeyed lies he spun so casually when the moment demanded.

He knew his words had been nothing more than a carefully placed act, a deliberate manipulation to ease her suspicions and make sure that from this day forward she would never doubt his affection again.

He had predicted this exact end result, her tears, her desperate cries of devotion, her promises that she’d never let him go.

And yet...

His heart lurched painfully all the same.

Because no matter how much he told himself this was necessary, that it was calculated, that it was for the best, seeing Yelena’s face twisted with desperation, her body trembling, her sobs breaking against him, it was too much.

Even if these weren’t tears of sadness, even if they were tears of relief and love, they were still tears, and they cut him deeper than he wanted to admit.

He thought he could bear it, play his role to the end. But he couldn’t. Not when she looked like this. Not when she clung to him like she would collapse if she let go.

He felt horrible, guilt gnawing at his chest as he held her tighter. And in that instant, he abandoned the plan to let her weep it out. He knew he had to cheer her up before she drowned herself further.

Luckily, he knew her well enough to know exactly how to do it.

While she cried against his chest, he slid his arms more firmly around her, pulling her close. His hand began moving in slow, gentle strokes across her back, steady and soothing. He then lowered his head, his lips brushing close to her ear as he whispered softly, his tone as tender as he could make it.

"Don’t cry, Yelena. Don’t cry, alright?" He chuckled faintly, adding lightness to his words. "I mean, you’re supposed to be the adult here, aren’t you? The proper one. The one who takes care of others, not the other way around."

His hand smoothed circles along her spine as he continued,

"You remember, don’t you? In the past, whenever I was upset, whenever I cried over something small and stupid, you were the one who cheered me up. You hugged me, comforted me, made everything feel alright again."

He pulled back just enough to glance at her with a crooked smile.

"And now look at us. It’s completely reversed. I’m the one hugging you, stroking your back."

"...If Charlotte saw us like this, what do you think she’d say? She’d probably scold you for crying like a child."

That earned a small, shaky laugh from Yelena, though her tears still clung to her lashes. She pulled back slightly, wiping at her face with trembling fingers, her voice breaking as she tried to explain herself.

"But...But, Mika, I just can’t hold it back." Her lips trembled as she spoke. "Just thinking that for so long you lived with those thoughts, thinking that I, of all people, would reject you..."

She choked on her words, her eyes red and wet.

"It breaks me inside. It makes me feel so horrible. To think you might have wanted to come back to me, but stopped yourself because you thought I’d push you away, it’s unbearable."

"If only I had pushed harder, if only I had been more persistent, then maybe you would’ve come back sooner. Maybe all of this wouldn’t have dragged on so long."

"...Maybe you’d have been back home with your family already, and everything would’ve been alright."

Her breath hitched, her tears spilling again.

"But I...I didn’t do enough. I didn’t fight enough for you. And because of that, you were left all alone. That’s my fault. It’s because of me you had to suffer. Because I wasn’t strong enough to bring you back."

Mika looked at her with a tender, almost pained gaze. He could see it, she was placing all the blame squarely on herself, shouldering a guilt that wasn’t hers to carry. And he knew he couldn’t let that stand. Slowly, he lifted his hands to her face, cupping her cheeks with surprising firmness.

"Listen to me, Yelena." His voice cut through her rambling like steel, firm and unyielding.

She blinked, startled by the sudden tone, her tearful eyes locking onto his.

"First of all..." He said sharply, though his smile softened the edges of his words. "None of this, none of it, was your fault. Do you understand me? Not even a little. It was all mine."

"I was the one who pushed you away. I was the one who kept my distance. I was the reason for every lonely night you had. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me. Only me."

Her lips parted, ready to argue, but before she could speak, Mika squeezed her cheeks gently, squishing them together so she couldn’t get a word out.

"Don’t interrupt...Just listen."

His voice was low, unwavering, as he kept her gaze locked on his.

"Second, none of that matters anymore. Not the past, not the reasons, not who was at fault. Whether it was me, or you, or fate itself, what happened, happened. And it’s over. I don’t care about it anymore. Because right now..."

His expression softened, his smile warm.

"...right now, I don’t have those thoughts. Not once have I thought you’d reject me if I came back today. I don’t carry that fear anymore. It’s gone."

Her eyes widened, her lips trembling as her muffled voice squeaked against his hand.

"R-Really, Mika? You really don’t think that anymore? You’re not scared of coming back to us?"

Mika nodded slowly, loosening his hold on her cheeks so she could speak clearly again.

"Really. I don’t think that way anymore. Not about you. Not about anyone. I’m done being scared."

"Maybe in the past I felt that way." He admitted softly, then his lips curved into a faint, genuine smile. "But after seeing you right now, after watching you cry for me like this, after hearing the way you begged me never to think such things again, all those fears just vanished. I don’t feel them anymore...Not one bit."

"Because I know I’m loved, Yelena. I know I’m cherished. And right now, sitting here in your arms, I can say wholeheartedly that I don’t believe for a second you’d ever hurt me. I believe, with all my heart, that I can be one with you again. With all of you...With my family."

Her eyes widened at his words, joy bubbling up so intensely it was almost visible and unable to hold herself back, she suddenly burst forward, arms wrapping tight around his neck again as she squealed out between broken sobs and laughter.

"Oh, Mika, thank God! Thank God you finally understand!" She squeezed him until it almost hurt, burying her wet face into his collar. "Don’t you see? No matter what happens, we would never abandon you! Never! That’s the last thing we could ever do!"

Then she pulled back just enough to see his face, her expression shifting from overjoyed to stern in an instant. She gripped his cheeks again, her brows knitting as if scolding a naughty child.

"But the fact you even had that thought in the first place, that you actually dared think I’d leave you, was wrong, Mika. Very wrong. I should punish you for even imagining something so horrible."

Mika blinked at her seriousness, then burst out laughing. "You’re right. I was wrong, completely wrong. I should’ve never doubted your love in me for even a second."

Seeing him laugh, her strict glare melted into a warm smile, her heart easing at his words.

She considered letting the matter drop right there, not wanting to drag things out when she was already so happy, but then another thought struck her, one that made her lips curl with mischief.

So, to implement her plan, she gasped dramatically, clutching her chest.

"But Mika..." She said in an exaggeratedly tragic tone, making him blink in mild confusion. "Even though you apologized...and even though I accepted it...I still can’t forget the pain of the past. The wound in my heart is still fresh."

"I remember chasing after you, I remember how you ran from me, how it hurt so badly. That pain, Mika, it’s unbearable." She sniffled theatrically, her voice trembling on purpose. "I don’t know if I can bear it anymore..."

Mika squinted at her knowingly. He could already tell she was up to something. And sure enough, she tilted her head, her eyes gleaming with a sly, sneaky glimmer.

"...But."

She said suddenly, her tone shifting into playful sweetness.

"If you do something for me, if you compensate me for all that pain you caused, maybe, just maybe, my heart will feel better."