Chapter 118: I... I am not used to this

They finally got into the carriage, and the moment the carriage door clicked shut, the frantic shouting of the reporters and the blinding flashes of the cameras were cut off, replaced by a heavy silence.

The carriage lurched forward, beginning its journey away from the Imperial Palace, away from the court, and away from all prying eyes, but the space inside felt smaller than it ever had before.

Julian waited for the Duke to set him down on the opposite bench. He waited for the Duke to adjust his robes and return to his usual stoic, distant self. But the hands around his waist and under his knees didn’t loosen. Instead, Alaric settled onto the seat and kept Julian firmly in his lap.

For a moment, Julian didn’t exactly know what to do. It wasn’t that the Duke’s lap wasn’t comfortable; it was, and the warmth from him was soothing, but...

How could they be like that the whole time?

"L-Lucien," Julian whispered, his hands still clutching the Duke’s lapels. "The carriage is closed, and we are alone now. You can... You can let me go now."

"I could," Alaric murmured, his voice low and vibrating over Julian’s head, a beat that made Julian feel so aware of himself all of a sudden. "But I find I don’t particularly want to."

He adjusted his hold, pulling Julian closer until there wasn’t a breath of space between them.

"B-but..." Julian wanted to protest.

He was afraid that, in this position they were in, just sitting still with their bodies joined would not be the end of it.

But even as he was afraid of that, his heart kept going pita-pata, causing him to rethink his whole ideal and wonder if it was actually fear... or anticipation.

The Duke leaned his head forward, resting his forehead against Julian’s. His blue eyes were dark and swirling with an intensity that made Julian’s ’Calm Mind’ feel like a flickering candle in a hurricane.

’Calm Mind’ won’t save him this time.

"Just a moment longer," Alaric said, his voice dropping to a jagged whisper. "In that hall, I had to watch you stand trial for your life while my brother looked at you like a piece of meat. I had to stand behind you while you bled for my sake."

"Lucien, I just did what I had to," Julian said, his voice also low, as if they didn’t need anyone to hear their conversation. "I had to stand this time."

"I don’t like it."

Julian felt the Duke’s arms tighten, a possessive, almost desperate grip. Alaric buried his face in the crook of Julian’s neck, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

The sensation of the Duke’s skin against his own sensitive skin and the heat of his breath sent a jolt of electricity straight down Julian’s spine.

"Lucien, I’m right here," Julian gasped, his head tilting back involuntarily. "I survived, and we won the trial."

"We did," Alaric whispered against his skin. His lips brushed softly, almost accidentally, against Julian’s earlobe, then traced a slow, burning path down to the curve of his neck.

Julian’s breath hitched. This was entirely new territory. In his past life as Kim Jowoon, he had been a man of logic and discipline, always the one in control of the classroom, the one with the answers. But here, trapped in the arms of a man who moved like a storm, he felt his composure shattering.

His heart was hammering so loudly he was certain the knights outside could hear it.

Alaric pulled back just enough to look at him, his gaze lingering on Julian’s flushed face and parted lips. One of his hands traveled up Julian’s neck, his thumb tracing the line of his jaw with agonizing slowness that made Julian’s trembling more apparent.

"You’re trembling," Alaric noted, his voice thick.

"I... I am not used to this," Julian admitted, his voice a dry rasp. He wanted to look away, but Alaric’s gaze was a tether he couldn’t break. "You’re acting very differently from the Duke I first met."

The one who had caught him, but held a stillness in his eyes.

But come to think of it, the Duke held him then, too, when he was no different from a stranger and suspected as a thief trying to steal the only apple on the frozen tree, even though it was withered.

"That Duke did not realize how much he had to lose," Alaric replied. He leaned in again, his lips grazing the pulse point at Julian’s throat, and Julian swallowed.

"What... What are you going to do?" He asked, his pulse quickening by the second.

"I told you, if you really want to thank me, Julian... There is something you can do to thank me."

Julian’s eyes dilated, and the heat in the carriage felt nearly unbearable.

"Do you want me to thank you... with my lips?" He asked, and the Duke’s eyes widened, lifting his gaze to meet Julian’s eyes.

It looked like Julian had used up all the courage he had to utter those words.

He was certain this was what the Duke wanted, but to his surprise, the Duke responded,

"No," his grip on Julian tightened once again. "You can thank me by staying healthy, out of trouble, and treating Lucius as you have been up till now."

Julian went silent, his heart calming down now. He did not expect the Duke to make such a request.

But this meant his feelings went past the physical attraction. He was glad.

He reached up, his fingers tentatively brushing the back of Alaric’s neck, pulling him closer. He didn’t know how to play this game, but he would join it and learn the rules along the way.

"Thank you, Lucien," he whispered, his forehead touching the Dukes. "I plan to do just that, so don’t worry. I hate trouble more than anything else."

The Duke let out a bark of a laugh, feeling Julian’s words contradicted everything that had been going on up till now.

"And yet..." he spoke softly. "Trouble always seems to find you."

"It’s not my fault," Julian said, equally letting out a soft laughter flow through his lips. "But I plan to stay healthy and by Lucius’s side for as long as I can, so that can work out well..."

His eyes landed on the Duke’s once again, the moment flowing slowly, and their breaths synchronizing.

It felt... beautiful. Julian thought.

How this single solemn moment could make it seem like their world had always flowed around each other up till now.

"Lucien," Julian called, his insides screaming as the question he was about to ask pranced around in his head.

"What is it?" The Duke asked.

"Do you... Love me?"