"Mary, I
do not
ogle Giselle," Lex said, adding extra emphasis on the âdo notâ to get the message across. "And our relationship isnât like that. Weâre just friends. It would be very inappropriate to..."
"Inappropriate to what?" Mary interjected, her mouth full of fried chicken. Seriously,
how
was she eating? "To act like a totally normal person and actually ask her out so that she can decide for herself if thatâs what she wants, rather than making assumptions of your own? She clearly has a checkered past, and some unspoken burdens weighing down on her. Sheâs literally like the perfect template for a damsel - a competent, self sufficient damsel, yet a damsel nonetheless - who could clearly use being rescued by a knight in shining armor. Or, you know, you in your suits. Speaking of, have you decided to never wear anything else ever again? You know a work uniform isnât like a prison sentence. You can wear jeans occasionally, especially when youâre the boss. Or between work hours."
Lex facepalmed again, but Mary wasnât having any of it.
"Hey, donât blame me for speaking out the truth. Youâre the one who got all mushy on me by saying Iâm a friend you can trust. Well then, buddy, trust me to share my honest thoughts with you. Itâs about time you tried dating someone who isnât a terrorist. Or is this also one of the things you want to somehow blame on your parents? Did they forget to give you the talk about the birds and the bees? Itâs okay, I am more than qualified to give you the talk."
The conversation was so absurd that Lex just started laughing as he looked up at the ceiling, unsure how to get Mary to stop. The chicken must be laced with some drugs. Thatâs the only thing that made sense.
"Mary, youâre being ridiculous," Lex finally said. "You know my life and future are uncertain. I could face death at any given moment. How can I get romantically involved with someone, knowing that I could die at any time?"
"So, you donât want to ask out the silver-haired hottie because you could die at any time? Like all the mortals on earth where you used to live? You know, the ones who dated, got married, and gave their faithful friends little nephews and nieces to play with?"
Lex looked up in the air and grinned again - not because he was happy, because the absurdity of the situation was overriding his brain. Laughing and smiling was just his reaction to stress now, it seemed. And since when had Mary become an expert debater?
"Could you please not refer to her like that? And you know my situation is different," Lex said.
"Oh, look at you, knight in shining armor, here to defend the ladyâs honor behind her back. But, fine, Iâll stop. Consider me a lady with a soft heart. But youâre not fooling anyone. You can flirt around with each other for the next several hundred years before considering asking each other out. Most love stories in the cultivation world span millions of years anyway.
"I remember, there was one story where the girl was so shy, she waited 700,000 years before seeing her crush again. It took several million years for them to even talk to each other. But my god, the writing was so good. The tension was palpable. I was a daily reader for, I donât know, a few centuries while the story was running."
Lex secretly breathed a sigh of relief when Mary agreed to put the topic aside...
"So if not Giselle, how about that oracle girl? Youâre quite chummy with her..."
Lex facepalmed once more. It seemed that today he could not avoid being teased. If that was the case...
"Oh Mary, donât you see. How can I be entranced by another when youâre right there, on my shoulder, designed to look like my first crush? Maybe... my last crush."
Instead of feeling teased by Lexâs attempts, Mary actually burst out laughing, and took the opportunity to bite a huge chunk out of a drum stick when she was done.
So sexy.
"Kid, Iâm old enough that even if you live another hundred million years, Iâd be considered a pedophile for even looking at you the wrong way. Not to mention, I was married once,
and
had kids,
and
many descendants, many of whom are probably Dao Lords by now."
"Wait, really?" Lex asked, suddenly stunned. It just occurred to him that he actually knew next to nothing about Maryâs own life.
"Nah, not really," Mary said, leaning back. "Dating as a Celestial is such a chore, and once youâre a Dao Lord the dating pool really shrinks by a lot. But I certainly dated a whole lot more than you. I think one of my old exâs might even be alive."
Once again, Lex was stunned. "Seriously?"
Mary snorted.
"Of course not. The system wonât allow me to tell you anything about my old life. Too much risk of you trying to look into things you shouldnât be looking into. My point is, I know Iâm gorgeous, but really, Iâm way too old for you. Why donât we stick to actual, living, breathing females for now? Hopefully within a century of your age, and with somewhat cultivation talent close enough that thereâs hope of her at the very least becoming a Celestial Immortal down the line."
Lex groaned.
"Youâre not going to drop this, are you?"
"Why should I drop anything? What about that elf girl you wrote a poem for once? I donât remember her name, but you were quite smooth with her, werenât you?"
Lex facepalmed, and then sighed. This was going to be a long day.
"Would you be open to a blind date? I know this one girl who visits the Inn every once in a while. A little sweetheart who owns a grocery store back on her planet. Youâd be surprised by her cultivation talent, though. Sheâs low-key a super genius."
Lex sighed once more. Heâd sighed more today than in the last twenty years. He would just teleport away... if only Mary couldnât just appear on his shoulder whenever she wished.
"Wait a minute, donât tell me itâs because youâre conscious of your weight? Yeah, itâd be a problem if you crush your girlfriend to death. Better be a body cultivator."
Lex facepalmed once more.