Chapter 500: Chapter 467: No Going Back
Having finished speaking, Su Yaoqi turned around, but Song Yuanbao grabbed his arm. "Can you tell me, why did you decide to become a monk back then? As a noble scion, without having experienced major upheavals or disasters, I donât believe you truly saw through the mortal world. Is there some hidden story? Or do you have any unfulfilled wishes? Tell me, Iâll help you."
Hearing the phrase "Iâll help you," Su Yaoqiâs eyes appeared momentarily lost.
"Speak up!" Song Yuanbao shook his arm.
Su Yaoqi pressed his palms together, "Entering monastic life was a matter of the heart, unrelated to birth or experience."
"I donât believe it." Song Yuanbao stared into his eyes. It was clear he couldnât reclaim the carefree innocence of the fourth young master Su from the past. Yet, he was unwilling to give up. "Is it because of my mother...?"
Su Yaoqi spoke out to stop him, "Itâs unrelated to anyone."
How could it be unrelated to anyone?
Song Yuanbao thought of the young man who first fell for Wen Wan, and then looked at his current worldly aversion and felt uncomfortable. "I remember you said back then that you wanted to pass the imperial exam with your ability and become a good and upright official. Have you forgotten all that?"
Su Yaoqi didnât reply, "The master is still preaching in the hall. If you have no further business, may I take my leave?"
Song Yuanbaoâs hand, clasping Su Yaoqiâs arm, was removed.
He stood there dazedly, watching Su Yaoqi walk through the main door, just about to follow when Zhao Xi suddenly emerged from inside.
Seeing Song Yuanbao, Zhao Xi seemed unsurprised, "Since youâre here, arenât you planning to come inside and listen?"
Song Yuanbao remained unmoving, his expression somewhat vacant, "Did Your Highness already know he had taken the vows?"
Zhao Xi didnât deny it, "He is a monastic. Since he doesnât plan to renounce the path, what difference does it make whether he shaves his head or leaves his hair? Itâs just a difference in appearance and doesnât affect his inner nature."
Zhao Xi had come out on the pretense of doing so, mindful that the teaching was still in progress inside, hence he couldnât linger too long outside. He asked Song Yuanbao, "So, do you want to go in?"
"I donât want to." Song Yuanbao felt uncomfortable seeing Su Yaoqiâs state.
The time spent with Su Yaoqi wasnât long, but the impression he left on Song Yuanbao wasnât bad. He considered him a friend, especially during their studies together at the Imperial College, where they got along quite harmoniously beyond family feuds.
Now, the carefree young man had become a bald monk accepting the Buddhist vows, reminding him that everyone can never return to the past.
Song Yuanbao couldnât quite describe the feelingâperhaps itâs melancholy, perhaps itâs loss, or maybe itâs both.
Zhao Xi noticed his low spirits, "I might take a while to finish here. You should go to the Divine Soldier Bureau and ask Song Sicheng if thereâs anything you can help with."
Song Yuanbao muttered quietly, "Iâm just temporarily unable to accept it. I wouldnât go to extremes and hang myself, so why send me so far away?"
Zhao Xi said nothing, simply watching him.
Song Yuanbao: "Alright, alright, Iâll go. Isnât that enough?"
...
Song Yuanbao didnât return to Yutang Palace, and went directly to the Divine Soldier Bureau.
Seeing him alone, Song Wei questioned with a hint of confusion, "Whereâs Your Highness?"
Song Yuanbao said, "I met Su Yaoqi in the palace earlier."
Song Wei acknowledged, "Master Xu Yun was invited to the palace to preach. Itâs not surprising for Su Yaoqi, being his disciple, to follow."
"But he shaved his head." Song Yuanbao felt quite uneasy. "Wasnât it agreed he would leave his hair as he practiced? I was even waiting for him to return to secular life and take the imperial exams together."
On this point, Song Wei was a little surprised.
The last time he took Wanwan to Fahua Temple for the second time, Su Yaoqi still kept his hair while practicing. Now, less than half a year later, he had shaved it.
Yet, recalling the experiences of Abbot Cunxin, Song Wei thought it wasnât significant.
"Su Yaoqi isnât suited to stay in the Su Family; his monastic life first comes from inner calling, second because the Buddhist path is his best home."
"Father, you speak too much like a Buddhist." Song Yuanbao completely disagreed, "Leaving aside whether he can return, based on what he told me in the past, itâs impossible to believe he became a monk without reason."
"Youâre not him; how do you know he didnât?"
"Intuition."
"To remain calm and composed after being disfigured in a fire indicates a genuine enlightenment; hence, considering monastic life is quite normal. However, if Iâm correct, someday he might return to secular life for various reasons."
"Really?" Song Yuanbaoâs face was full of astonishment, "But heâs already shaved his head and taken vows, how could he? Is it because his parents objected so strongly they forced him back?"
"Just a speculation."
Abbot Cunxin, whose entire family was wiped out, remained as the sole survivor and returned to secular life. Such pain must be unimaginable.
If Su Yaoqi repeats that fate, then the Su Family might have something happening in the future.
Song Wei quelled his thoughts and didnât think further.
These words werenât suitable for Song Yuanbao, so Song Wei kept silent, finding an excuse to take him to see the twelve mechanical beast models crafted by the artisans.
...
The Buddhist teachings at Chonghua Hall finished in the afternoon.
As Su Yaoqi was leaving the main door, Empress Su intercepted him.
"Little Four."
Empress Su frowned, evidently displeased, her gaze fixed firmly on him. "Why have you turned yourself into this?"
Su Yaoqi stood quietly, not responding.
"Does your father and mother know about you shaving your head?" Empress Su pursued the question.
"Since even the Empress knows, they will soon receive the news."
Su Yaoqiâs answer was void of emotion, somewhat detached.
Empress Su pursed her lips, "I always thought that you were merely speaking out of youthful ignorance, and that before long youâd be back."
Who would have thought the Su Family actually sent a son into the Buddhist path this time; what open-hearted brothers and sisters-in-law.
Su Yaoqi didnât know how to respond to Empress Suâs words. Everyone believed he should remain in the Su Family, continue being the young master, continue being doted upon by his parents, but no one ever asked if he wanted that life, if he wanted to be that fourth young master of Su.
Whether he was kidnapped or fell from a horse, or even got burnt and disfigured, he had little resentment. His heart simply housed the Buddha, wishing to follow his true heart.
Seeing him silent, Empress Su proposed, "Okay, come with me to Kunning Palace first. Iâll send word to Duke Mansion, bring your parents here, then if they blame you, your aunt can mediate somewhat. Otherwise, if they storm into Fahua Temple, it wonât end well for you. What do you think?"
Su Yaoqi raised his eyes, glanced at his waiting master ahead, then informed him, and followed Empress Su back to the palace.
...
The Su Family was close to the Imperial City. After a stick of incenseâs time, Duke Su and his wife appeared at Empress Suâs Kunning Palace.
Entering and seeing their sonâs state, the Duchess felt waves of dizziness beset her, nearly fainting on the spot.
Duke Suâs face turned awkward, his hawk-like eyes landing on his sonâs bald head, asking, "Little Four, where is your hair?"
Su Yaoqi remained silent.
"Little Four!" Duke Su called him again, "Speak."
Su Yaoqi turned to his parents and knelt, "I have shaved my head and become a monk."
"How did you promise the old man then?" Had it been any other son angering him like this, Duke Su would surely grab him and deliver a stern scolding, but the one before him was Little Four, the son he raised with utmost care, he couldnât bear it.
Su Yaoqi wasnât intimidated by the Dukeâs imposing manner, "I will not return to secular life. Shaving the head and practicing without are no different."
"Then why not practice without shaving?"
"As a disciple of Buddhism, the rules of the monastic order must be followed. Purity is a prerequisite for entry."
Duke Su nearly spat blood, "Are you trying to anger me to death?"
"Little Four." The Duchess approached, intending to help her son up.
Su Yaoqi remained kneeling, unmoving.
"Good child, listen to your mother and donât be foolish." The Duchess wiped her tears, trying to persuade softly, "Letâs not become a monk, come back to secular life. Whoever you want to marry, Iâll let you marry them. Whatever you want, Iâll give it to you, okay?"
Su Yaoqi felt helpless, lifting his head, "Mother, didnât we originally agree that I could enter the monastic path? Why have you all changed your minds now?"
"But back then, your father agreed to let you practice without shaving, he didnât let you shave your head."
"Even without shaving, I canât possibly return to secular life." Su Yaoqiâs stance was firm, "You should stop persuading me. Shaving was my choice. If according to your wishes, I return, marry, and have children, I might be despondent for a lifetime."