The wind at night was not as searing as it had been during the day, gently brushing past, bringing a trace of coolness, just like Ao Qiās unceasing murmurs.
"Thankfully, I had everyone leave," Feng Yun thought.
If Ao Qi had said all this in front of so many people, it would probably have been difficult to settle things down.
"Xiaoqi, lift your head and look at me..."
Ao Qi raised his head, tears swirling in his eyes.
Feng Yun smiled slightly, her eyes that had seen two lifetimesā worth of vicissitudes as if they could understand everything in the world. What they conveyed was not the anger of being offended, nor the shyness of a woman being confessed to by a man, but rather the calmness forged by years and storms, and the wisdom and comprehension that only a mature woman possessed.
After a long silence, when Ao Qi had stopped crying, she bent down and handed him a handkerchief.
"Feeling any better?"
Her voice was gentle and clear.
It was like a beam of light piercing through all pretense, leaving Ao Qi feeling deeply ashamed.
"Lady, donāt you despise or look down on me?"
Feng Yun chuckled softly, "No, I donāt. There is nothing wrong with liking someone. I too had my times of youthful rage and foolish infatuation, losing composure in front of others. Back then, the young man I liked didnāt like me back. All that contradiction and struggle felt like inescapable fetters; the more I liked him, the more unworthy I felt... I understand it all, Xiaoqi. I understand you, and I wonāt look down on you, much less despise you for it."
Ao Qi slowly lifted his chin, looking at her in astonishment.
"Itās nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it disgraceful."
Feng Yunās gaze was somewhat absent, her lips curling into a faint smile.
"That year, in that moss-covered alley in Tai City, I waited foolishly just like you, hoping to catch another glimpse of Master Xiao San, bathed in moonlight as he rode back, not needing his response..."
The dreamlike past, now spoken of, stirred no tumult in her heart.
She began to smile more broadly, "You see, as time passed, I grew up, and he has long been forgotten."
"He was a fool to have lost you," Ao Qiās voice was tight, husky with emotion.
He shook his head, trying to sober up a bit and looked at Feng Yun for a moment, a wordless, bitter smile on his lips.
"I drank too much..."
"I know," Feng Yun said with a smile, looking at him. "Are you feeling a little better now?"
Ao Qi nodded deeply, "Thank you."
"Youāre welcome," Feng Yun extended her hand to help him up from the ground, her expression calm as if nothing had happened.
"Get up, youāre tired today. Go back to your room and sleep. Arenāt you supposed to take His Majesty fishing tomorrow? You canāt disappoint him."
Ao Qi gazed at her, feeling a rush of warmth.
The summer breeze, slipping through the thin fabric of the clothing, was like ants burrowing into the heart, and the post-drunk dry heat left his body as hot as a copper furnace, feeling like he might explode if he didnāt do something.
"Lady..."
He called out gently.
Feng Yun glanced over, ready to reply, when suddenly a pair of warm hands came around, lightly encircling her.
In a half-kneeling posture, the young manās presence wrapped around her with a faint fragrance of osmanthus, instantly enveloping her.
Feng Yun remained motionless, her eyes locked with his dark ones, seeing weariness, pain, and a lost, helpless vacancy.
"Donāt move."
Ao Qiās voice was tight, so husky as to be unrecognizable.
"I just want to hold you. Just for a moment."
He had wanted to do this for so long...
Even though he knew he shouldnāt, he couldnāt control himself.
He embraced her with a sense of desperation, yet his touch was feather-light.
Feng Yunās delicate body finally came into his arms, filled with an indescribable sense of contentment that filled his longstanding longing, but he made no further moves, and could not bring himself to hold her tightly.
"You hate me, resent me, Iām despicable," he confessed.
Feng Yun smiled, gently pushing on his arm, like an elder chastising a naĆÆve younger one.
Tolerant and gentle.
"Okay, go back to your room now..."
Ao Qi looked down at her, his eyes burning.
"The day after tomorrow Iāll leave, and who knows when Iāll see you again. I want to talk to you..."
"Xiaoqi," Feng Yun became serious, "I regard you as a brother, and that is why I can tolerate your boldness. You must know, in my heart, you are the same as Aozai..."
"I am not Aozai," Ao Qi gazed at her intensely, his eyes filled with deep affection.
Aozai could still stay with her every day.
And what about him?
Ao Qi closed his eyes slightly, shook his head, and held her more tightly, as if to freeze time in that moment.
It was the drunkenness that slowed his consciousness, also halting his actions.
He held Feng Yun in his arms, with gentleness as if embracing an invaluable treasure, murmuring distractedly, not letting go even as the noise outside and the approaching footsteps grew closer.