Chapter 403: This is the Backstory!
Translator: Novel Saga Editor: Novel Saga
"I feel like taking off my pants to let you compare!" Chu Yang was eagerly waiting to see the reactions on their faces when theyād finally figure out the joke and burst into laughter thereafter. He was looking forward to that expression on their faces. However, he only got to see a bewildered expression on their faces, and a doubtful look in their eyes.
Minister Chuās excitement finally broke down. He couldnāt bear anymore. He shouted in a loud voiceā¦ in utter desperation, "Canāt you see that this thing resembles the āthingāā¦ in our crotch?"
Minister Chu literally blew his top. He had never known himself to get so frustrated after cracking a joke!
[These three people have no sense of humor...]
Minister Chuās frustration wasnāt without a reason. After all, his efforts in building-up this joke had gone down the drain. However, he was completely unaware that he had said something which had misled the others ā āall of us have it!ā
This small sentence had messed it all up!
He had said that they all have āitā... but, the problem was that they all didnāt have the āthingā he had hinted atā¦ they really didnāt have āitā! But, perhaps they mightāve guessed it if he hadnāt said it, and had continued further with his jokeā¦?
Therefore, Minister Chu couldnāt help but blow his top, and eventually had to explain the joke in short. But, he had roared out the last sentence in a very depressed manner.
He noticed that those three had finally understood his joke after he said these words ā including the ones who hadnāt understood it earlier. One individual had been holding back his laughter all this while. He finally clutched his belly, and broke into a wild laughter.
His reaction could be considered as ālaughing oneās a*s outā; [youāre killing me...]
The other two looked at Chu Yang angrily. It seemed from their stances that they were about to charge forward and beat him up!
Minister Chu finally saw that someone had understood his joke, and had also started to laugh. However, the other two were glaring at him with ice-cold eyes for some reason. In fact, the angry glares he was receiving from themā¦ was enough to chop him into a thousand piecesā¦!
Minister Chu felt a chill running down his spine. He was about to burst into laughter, but he held it back in his belly. He smiled in embarrassment, and touched his nose. Then, he scratched his head and asked, "Whatās wrong? Wasnāt it funny?"
"Funny!" Tie Bu Tian clenched his teeth as he tried his best to stop himself from flaring up. However, his rage exploded as he replied, "Funny, my a*s! It was so vulgarā¦ so dirtyā¦ so... you had the guts to declare it from your mouthā¦ and that too so triumphantly... youāre... youāre extremely shameless!"
The other shadow didnāt know whether to laugh or cry. She gazed at Chu Yang, and felt like beating the sh*t out of him.
"Eh..." Chu Yang was stunned. [This joke shouldāve been fine among menā¦ I donāt know how this joke has suddenly backfired?]
[This is very shocking!]
[Could it be that the Emperorās men arenāt the same as ordinary men? Canāt they even laugh at such a joke?]
"Why donāt you just tell that backstory?" Tie Bu Tian angrily said. He seemed rather impatient to change the topic. This joke was embarrassing as hell. In fact, Tie Bu Tianās face that already turned red.
[To speak such a vulgar thing in front of me is simply outrageous! Hateful! This bastard!]
"I... canāt say," Chu Yang lowered his head and replied in a worn-out voice. He spoke in his heart, [a simple joke has triggered such a violent reactionā¦ wonāt I get chopped into pieces at the end of this backstory?]
"Itās alright. Just say it," The male shadow encouraged him. It was clearly visible in his eyes that he was taking pleasure in anotherās misfortune.
"Go ahead and say it." Tie Bu Tian had a cold expression on his face. However, one could also see that he was strongly suppressing a hint of smile in his eyes. [Itās so embarrassing that I canāt even smileā¦ This bastard!]
"Okā¦ So, here it goes ā they say that there was once a manā¦ he was good looking. And, he was also very rich. But, he could never find a wife for himself. He lived for more than 80 years. But, he still couldnāt find a wife, and died in the end," Chu Yang said this, and quickly stole a glance to see everyoneās reactions.
He felt relieved since he saw no major change in their expressions. So, he boldly continued, "...then, he reincarnated. He once again grew up to become handsome, cool and very rich. He again lived for more than 80 years, but still couldnāt find a wifeā¦ and ultimately died single..."
The three people were shocked when they heard this. [Thisā¦ what kind of a backstory is this?]
"What relation does this story have with this mountain peak?" Tie Bu Tian raised his eyebrow and asked. He genuinely didnāt understand the point of such an absurd story...
"Donāt be hasty. Just keep listening, and youāll find outā¦" Chu Yang replied comfortingly, " ...he continued to reincarnate thereafter. In fact, he reincarnated for a total of nine times! When he was on the verge of death in his ninth life ā he recalled that he had remained a bachelor for nine lives! This āvirgin of nine livesā finally erupted like a volcano..."
Chu Yang spoke with griefā¦ and with a similarly āgrievingā look on his face, "So, he made his final wish before he died. He said ā there are males for females, and females for males in this world. The Yin and Yang join together to breed and create myriads of things! This is the principle of Yin and Yang. Why am I the only one who has stayed single for nine lives? Is this the heavenās way to tease me?! Whereās the justice in it? Howās this fair? Whereās the human sympathy? Whereās the heavenās law? Whereās the natureās justiceā¦?!"
Chu Yangās modulating tone and manner of speech added a feeling to the story. The other three couldnāt help but be attracted to this story. They thought that the heaven was at fault to not create a predestined marriage for this man. Even a youthful and good-looking man was made to stay single for nine consecutive lives as a result. Even the thought of this tragedy would make anyone sigh again and again. There was no other explanation to thisā¦ one could only call it the Heavenās injustice...
Tie Bu Tian thought of this in particular. He couldnāt help but sigh. He said in his heart, [Is it the heavenās fault that thereās no marriage written in my destiny? I wasnāt supposed to meet himā¦ but I did. We couldāve been togetherā¦ but Iām bound to a life of solitude for various reasons... thereās not much difference between my story and this manāsā¦]
Tie Bu Tian couldnāt help but sigh. He then asked, "So... what wish did he make in the end? Did he ask for three wives and four concubines?" Tie Bu Tian guessed at this since he believed that a common man would harbor such a desireā¦ especially if he were to spend nine lives as a bachelor.
"No." Chu Yang smiled strangely, and continued to narrate, " ...he faced towards the sky, and shouted loudly. He said ā whatās the use of this heaven if I canāt find a partner? Whatās the point of taking another rebirth? Everyone marries and mates in this world. They allow their Yin and Yang elements to complement each other, but the heaven is unfair to me. I canāt take this anymore. This is unbearable! I couldnāt join with someone in this lifeā¦ but, I wish to join with the heaven when my body dies!"
Tie Bu Tian uttered an āahā. Then, he turned silent. He was stopped by the sudden surge of shame in his heart. He felt a strong regret in his heart; [Itās better that I donāt say anything. It doesnāt matter whether this guyās story is good or notā¦ itās definitely embarrassing to death...]
Chu Yang was overjoyed. He shrugged his shoulder and said as he smiled, " ...he took off his clothes after he was done making the wish. And then, he lay down on his back with his legs spread out, and died! His grievances rushed upwards, and impacted the ninth heaven. Suddenly, the thunders rolled, and the lightning flashed in the sky. Then, his body suddenly underwent an incredible mutation!"
Tie Bu Tian felt like askingā¦ [What mutation?] But, he decided to hold back for now. [I know that this guy is incapable of saying nice things. As the saying goesā¦ no good words are to be expected from a scoundrel...]
" ...The mutation caused his body to transform into a great mountain. His arms turned into canyons, his blood turned into riversā¦ and his hair transformed into flowers, plants and trees... he basically turned into a towering mountain! And, the āthingā in his crotch excitedly stood tall and upright. It became the tallest peak on his mountain. It charged into the sky to penetrate itā¦ in accordance to his death-wish! It was as if the sky wasā¦ one big hole!"
The other three heard thisā¦ and felt as if they had been struck by a lightning. They were stunned. They looked like silly ducks. They blankly stared in a daze as their bodies covered in cold sweat...
[This backstory is really... it is really... something that canāt be narratedā¦]
"Thatās why the peak before us is called the āChun Yang Peak!ā" Minister Chu finally dropped the curtain on this story. He smacked his lips again and again as he looked at that cylindrical and smooth āupright stoneā. But, he looked like he had something more to say. So, he said, "This mountain peak has another name. We all are more familiar with this name. Moreover, this other name even depicts the very image of the..."
"Donāt say it! Donāt say it!" Tie Bu Tian cried out loud. His face turned from white to redā¦ from red to blueā¦ and, from blue to black. He was so angry that it seemed like his belly would explode.
He remembered how he had felt a moment ago. He had felt that something like this had happened to him as well. He had even felt sorry for himself in the secrecy of his heart... and, those feelings and emotions had come from such a ābackstoryā?! He couldnāt help but be ashamed of himself. One couldāve clearly seen the look of pure rage on his face if the magical jade pendant hadnāt concealed it. He looked at Chu Yang, and got even more furious, [my anger wonāt calm down until I beat him up!]
Tie Bu Tian firmly stared at Chu Yang, and clenched his teeth to control his anger. He somehow uttered these words, "Ministerā¦ Chu! You are very... knowledgeable!"
"Youāre flattering me haha..." A smile had long been present on Chu Yangās face like a blossom. His entire body trembled like a small plant that was swaying in the wind as he laughed uncontrollably, "Wa ha ha ha... ha ha... he heā¦"
Tie Bu Tian was fuming on the other sideā¦
It was alright if this joke was told to a man... in fact, it wouldnāt have been a big deal. But, the problem was ... the problem was...
Minister Chu was in big trouble!
He was laughing, and his whole body was rocking back and forth as if he was having cramps. Tie Bu Tian and the female shadow attacked him, and pinned him down. Minister Chu was so pleased that he had lost his sense of measure, and thusā¦ was caught off guard. He was unable to dodge, and was captured in one neat move.
And then, a rain of fists poured down!
Bang Bang Bang Bam Bam Bam
Poor Minister Chu didnāt know where this disaster came from. He hadnāt even stopped laughing when he suddenly started to take a severe beating... he came to his senses after a long time, and furiously asked, "What is this? Why are you doing thisā¦?"
The two women refrained from giving him a reply. They just continued to beat him mercilessly. And, Minister Chu continued to scream endlessly...
A long while passedā¦ the two women eventually got tired of beating him. So, they finally stopped and let go of him. Minister Chu jumped to get up. His body ached all over. He got agitated, and angrily asked, "Why would you beat me up all of a sudden?! Is this the law of the land?!"
"Iām the law of the land!" Tie Bu Tian snorted with pride. He rubbed his wrist. It was sore from excessive punching. However, his pent-up anger still hadnāt subsided...
The two shadows couldnāt help but smile as he stated this sentence! [Which law of the state are you talking about? The Emperor is standing right here!]
Someone else would be called āan ignorant who doesnāt know the immensity of heaven and earthā if they were to speak this sentence. However, who could refute if the Emperor were to say that he was the law of the state...?
Chu Yangās eyes looked bland. He realized that he didnāt stand a chance against these people. So, he replied in a defeated manner, "I admit that I took a beating... butā¦ at least give me a reason..."
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