Chapter 18: Practice (1)

While the second pill the old men provided did a lot to restore him, Sen still felt fatigued for several days after what he thought of as the filth purge. While the effects hadn’t been nearly so awful on the second pass, he found himself wondering where all that filth had come from. Most of what he remembered about the first filth purge was just a hazy recollection of pain, so he couldn’t properly compare them. Had the most recent purge gone through him the same way, or had it reached parts of him the first pill hadn’t? Sen was almost sure that this pill had reached deeper inside him. He didn’t remember that scouring fire touching his bones the first time. With an annoyed sound, Sen put those thoughts away. He either couldn’t remember the first time well enough, or he just didn’t want to remember it. He’d just have to wait for the next time and compare how things went. That idea brought him up short.

Did I just make a plan based on the next time

, Sen asked himself. He supposed that he had. While he didn’t imagine that he’d ever relish those purges, he was just as happy to have all of that out of his body.

Master Feng had apparently sensed that Sen wasn’t up for anything too strenuous. He told Sen to practice what he knew in the mornings, go for a run, and to rest otherwise. It became very clear that had been practical advice when Sen did his run around the walls the first day. The number of times around the manor had gone up steadily over the months. Sen was up to a hundred and, before the purge, thought he was probably ready to add some more. That first day, he’d been ready to quit after fifty loops and certain he might die as he closed in on the hundred. His mind knew that it was temporary. The pill had left him drained in some meaningful way. His body didn’t care one bit that it was temporary. His performance was lackluster enough that even the big cat had taken pity on him. She simply kept pace with him, rather than effortlessly dashing ahead.

Still, even after taking a long nap in the afternoons, he found himself with a lot of extra time on his hands. If practicing with his body was out of the question, he would take up the other task he’d been told to practice. It was also agonizing, but only for his mind. He would take out the scroll that Uncle Kho had given him and slowly piece together the words into complete thoughts. Initially, it was everything he could do just to make himself keep going. It was a battle between him and those stationary marks on the scroll. After several evenings’ worth of practice, though, he realized that the scroll was telling a story. As he became engrossed in the story, he worried less about reading and more about finding out what happened. Of course, Sen had never imagined that the kingdom had seen so much war. There were wars for the throne. There were wars for honor. There were wars to stave off invasion. There were wars of invasion. Even more surprising was how often these things were kicked off by some kind of murder or attempted murder.

Despite his many painful encounters with them, Sen managed to squeeze out a tiny bit of sympathy for the nobles. All too often, it seemed like some daughter of a noble was kidnapped or a son was killed in an ambush. That led to revenge attacks or demands for the king to take action. Other noble families would take sides, or the king would issue orders, and soon the entire country was burning. Sen wasn’t sure how growing up with possibilities like those hanging over someone’s head would affect them. It would be frightening if nothing else. Sen hadn’t had brothers or sisters, so could only imagine what it would feel like to hear that one had been taken or killed. He imagined it would make him angry. He supposed that living that way could also make some cruel. Yet, it was a poor reason to be cruel if that was the case.

As fascinating as Sen found the scroll, he also found it left his mind churning. He had always thought of the kingdom as a safe place. True, it hadn’t been particularly safe for him, but he’d always thought that was because he was poor and, when necessary, a thief. He’d avoided stealing whenever he could, but it was a better choice than starving to death. In his opinion, anyone who thought otherwise had never really been hungry. When hunger got bad enough, even the smell of food could make you almost crazy. Yet, Sen always assumed that life was safe for other people, people with homes and names. Every thief knew they were taking a risk. Reading that scroll made him think that

nobody

was ever safe. Even kings got killed. If anyone should be safe, it seemed like kings would be safe. They had guards and armies. If that couldn’t keep you safe, what would? How could he ever see the world and stay safe if kings couldn’t do it?

The idea troubled him so much that he went looking for Uncle Kho the next afternoon. He found the old man sitting and reading a different scroll. Sen was almost curious enough to ask what it was about but changed his mind. He had enough on his mind from the scroll he was already reading. For all Sen knew, that other scroll would tell him things that he’d find even more disturbing. Uncle Kho eventually looked up and waved Sen over.

“What can I do for you, Sen?”

“I’ve been reading that scroll you gave me.”

“Really? That’s good. Did you find words you couldn’t understand?”

“I did,” said Sen, “but that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“I see. Well then, do sit down and tell me what’s on your mind.”

Sen sat and tried to put his thoughts in order. They were in such a tangle that he didn’t know where to begin. After failing to find the right place to start for the third time, he just started talking. He poured out his thoughts about what he read, what it seemed like the scroll was saying about life and his own fears about what that would mean for him when he went out into the world. Uncle Kho listened patiently, absently stroking his long white beard. When Sen finally ran out of things to say, Kho closed his eyes for a long moment.

“Let me put your mind at ease about at least one thing,” offered Kho when he opened his eyes again. “The kingdom isn’t constantly at war. I suppose it’s not obvious in that scroll, but the kingdom is very, very old.”

Sen brightened up at those words. “No. I mean, I know the kingdom is old, but not how old.”

“It’s even older than me, which means it’s positively ancient,” said Kho with a little smile. “Many of the wars you read about happened centuries apart. There are times when entire generations will come and go without war troubling the kingdom.”

Sen felt some of his worries slip away. “I’m happy to hear that.”

Then, Kho pulled the rug out from under him. “Unfortunately, you’re not wrong. Even in times of peace, no one is ever really safe. For peasants and merchants, there are bandits and nobles who may kill them or have them killed. For nobles, there are other nobles and the king. The king is always under threat, either from ambitious nobles or from other kings. Everyone is at risk from someone.”

Sen thought hard for a moment. “There has to be a way. How do you make yourself safe?”

Uncle Kho was quiet for a long time. He went to speak on several occasions, only to close his mouth. Every time he didn’t speak, his eyebrows got a little closer together. He finally let out a breath.

“The only way is to make yourself so powerful that no one dares to challenge you.”

“Is that what cultivators do?”

“It’s what a few cultivators do. It’s what many cultivators try and fail to do. But even becoming a cultivator is no real protection. Granted, most bandits and nobles won’t dare challenge a cultivator. Even kings walk with care around advanced cultivators. But you only trade those dangers for danger from other cultivators.”

“I don’t understand,” said Sen. “Why would cultivators be a danger to other cultivators? You and Master Feng get along.”

“Feng and I have been friends for a long time. You don’t usually attack your friends. As for the rest, well, it’s not really my place to explain the Jianghu to you. Feng will explain it to you when he thinks it’s appropriate. What I will say is this. Challenges can improve you. Steel sharpens steel. Some cultivators will seek out challenges wherever they can find them.”

Sen let those words settle into his mind. It didn’t all make sense to him, but he had an inkling of what Uncle Kho meant. “Thank you for explaining, honored uncle.”

“Don’t let me put you off going out and seeing the world for yourself. Just because there are dangers, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. After all, where you find danger, you can also find opportunity.”