Chapter 405: Siyao, Dad Is Leaving

Qin Siyao shook her head hard, forcing that unacceptable thought out of her mind.

Qin Siyao turned her head and glanced at her father.

Seeing that her father’s expression was still as peaceful as it usually was, she let out a soft breath of relief.

Without realizing it, Qin Siyao and her father arrived at the sleeping quarters where her eldest brother and second brother used to live.

Under normal circumstances, Qin’s princes would live in the imperial palace before the age of sixteen, each with his own palace hall, and only after sixteen would they move out of the imperial palace and establish their own residences.

But because Qin Jingsu and Qin Jingyuan had been very close when they were young, the two of them lived together, until the year Qin Jingyuan turned sixteen, when the two of them left the imperial palace together.

Even though no one had lived in this palace for a long time, the layout and the objects inside it were all preserved in their original appearance.

Looking at this familiar place, Qin Siyao could not help thinking of her eldest brother and second brother. Her eyes lowered slightly, and her delicate hand could not help gripping the hem of her skirt.

But very quickly, Qin Siyao forced herself to look spirited again, and continued following at her father’s side.

“Back then, when your eldest brother was just born, I paced back and forth outside, anxious in my heart. Only at the very moment your eldest brother truly came into the world did this heart of mine finally settle down.

“But, ah, because Jingsu was the eldest son, every single day I never gave him a good face.”

The Qin Shengtian drew his sleeves together and said with a smile. Even the way he referred to himself changed—from “We” to “I.”

“Back then, I was extremely strict with Jingsu. As long as he did something wrong, if it was light, I scolded him; if it was serious, I hit him.

“And at that time, he was only a three-year-old child.

“In truth, I also knew that Jingsu had done quite well.

“But I always felt it still wasn’t enough.

“Your mother—when she saw me beating and scolding Jingsu, in her heart she couldn’t bear it.

“But even if your mother couldn’t bear it in her heart, she also knew your eldest brother might take on the role of Qin’s ruler in the future, and he had to be strictly disciplined, so she didn’t stop me.

“Later, your second brother was born.

“When your second brother was born, your eldest brother was very happy.

“First, because he was going to have a younger brother,

“Second, because your second brother’s birth made your eldest brother feel that once he had a younger brother, my attention wouldn’t always be fixed on him, and I wouldn’t always be beating and scolding him.

“That day your second brother was born, your eldest brother waited outside for a very long time.

“When your eldest brother saw his little brother, his whole pair of eyes lit up.

“After that, your eldest brother took care of his little brother even more than I did as their father.

“At that time, he was only three and a half.

“The two of them gradually grew up, and your second brother ran after your eldest brother’s backside all day long.

“Your eldest brother lived much happier than before.

“Because as his father, I wouldn’t only stare at your eldest brother—I would also stare at your second brother.

“And with a younger brother, he wouldn’t feel lonely.

“Later, after your mother had you, your second brother also began to look like an older brother.”

As he spoke, a trace of gentleness flashed through Qin Shengtian’s eyes:

“In fact, I also knew that. For your eldest brother, he had no interest at all in this throne.

“Compared to being Qin’s Crown Prince, your eldest brother actually preferred that life of idle clouds and wild cranes. He wanted even more to be a wandering cultivator, to entrust his feelings to mountains and waters.

“Your eldest brother saw too clearly.

“He knew that power was not some particularly good thing.

“For the benighted, power is a tool for them to play and indulge even better.

“But for some people with ambition, with responsibility, power is a weight one must bear for an entire lifetime—from the moment you take it, until the moment you die.

“Originally, your eldest brother only thought that as long as he had a younger brother, then Jingyuan could be Crown Prince, and he could leave the court.

“But what he didn’t expect was that your eldest brother couldn’t bear it, either.

“Jingsu knew Jingyuan’s temperament was somewhat stubborn, and he felt that if he ascended the throne, he was afraid he would exhaust himself to death on that position for his whole life.

“And it was at that time that Jingsu had the resolve to be Crown Prince.

“As for your second brother, he was naturally competitive, he admired your eldest brother, and he also wanted to surpass your eldest brother. So when it came to the matter of the Crown Prince, your second brother really did want to contend with your eldest brother.

“Originally, I was happy to see it.

“Under that sort of competition, the two of them would grow faster through pushing each other.

“When Jingyuan proposed ‘to marry Jin’s Eldest Imperial Princess, and thereby scheme against Jin,’ I also knew that for him, this matter would certainly be perilous beyond measure.

“But in my heart, I thought—thought that Jingyuan would be able to turn danger into safety.

“And our Qin would crush Jin, and even swallow up this thorn in our side in one fell swoop!

“When your eldest brother wanted to go to war against Jin, to avenge your second brother, if I had been a little more forceful and didn’t let your eldest brother go, perhaps your eldest brother wouldn’t have met with disaster.

“But at that time, what I thought was that it would be good for your eldest brother to untie the knot in his heart. And with the Crown Prince going on campaign, and still doing it to avenge his younger brother, it would greatly raise the soldiers’ morale.

“But I didn’t expect the result—your eldest brother and second brother both, because of my selfishness, died on the battlefield.

“I wronged them.”

“Father.” Qin Siyao’s eyes were red as she held her father’s palm. “Father, please do not say that. Your daughter believes that no matter whether it was eldest brother or second brother, neither of them would blame Father.”

“Yes.” Qin Shengtian lifted his head and let out a deep breath. “With the sort of temperament your eldest brother and second brother had, how could they blame me? But how could I not blame myself?”

“Father.” Qin Siyao pressed her thin lips together, not knowing how to comfort him.

“I’m fine.” Qin Shengtian smiled and patted the back of his daughter’s hand. “Come. Let’s stroll around a bit more.”

“Mm.”

Qin Siyao nodded, wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes, and finally took one last look at the palace hall where her eldest brother and second brother had once lived.

Qin Shengtian led his daughter onward.

The places the two of them passed were all ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ courtyards Qin Siyao and her two brothers had often gone to when they were little.

Like the grass in Spring Swallow Garden—Qin Shengtian had taken his wife and the others there to play. At that time, Qin Jingsu and Qin Jingyuan were reciting their books, while Qin Siyao was laughing at the side, chasing butterflies.

Like the lotus pond in Summer Lotus Garden—Qin Siyao followed behind her eldest brother and second brother, running after them, and accidentally fell into the water. Fortunately, a maidservant fished her out in time, but when Qin Shengtian heard, he still harshly reprimanded Qin Jingsu and Qin Jingyuan.

Like the woodland in Autumn Moon Garden—whenever autumn came, Qin Shengtian would bring Empress Shi and his children here to enjoy the autumn, then question his two sons on their studies. Qin Siyao liked watching the two of her brothers when they couldn’t answer their father’s questions, their embarrassed, tense looks being very amusing.

Without realizing it, as the two walked, it was already noon.

“Father, let’s go back. It’s time for the midday meal,” Qin Siyao said.

“No rush. Up ahead is Red Sleeve Palace, where your mother used to live. Your father is a bit tired. We’ll go sit there, and then we’ll go back,” Qin Shengtian said.

“Alright.” Qin Siyao nodded, not thinking much of it.

In the end, the two of them reached Red Sleeve Palace.

At this moment, Red Sleeve Palace did not have a single palace maid, and it looked extremely desolate.

Qin Siyao cleared the snow off the stone stool in the courtyard, then supported her father as he sat down, and she sat beside her father.

At this moment, a bit of white snow began to fall from the sky again, as if tufts of white clouds hanging in the heavens had shattered.

“Thinking back then—your grandfather passed away, and when I had just sat in this position, every house and every clan sent the women of their clans over.”

A trace of remembrance flashed through Qin Shengtian’s eyes, and even a tenderness that was exceedingly rare.

“How could I not know what those great aristocratic families meant?

“They were thinking nothing more than that I had not yet married, hoping that the women of their clans would become Qin’s Empress.

“At the very least, they wanted her to become a consort.

“But at that time, your father’s position wasn’t even stable. If I married a woman from a great aristocratic family, I might not necessarily be able to control the court even better.

“Besides, I threw my whole heart into the court. Every day I couldn’t even finish reviewing memorials. Where would I have the mood to think about those matters between men and women?

“But there are some things where it seems that if you don’t want to do them, it doesn’t mean you can avoid doing them.

“One day, after I finished reviewing memorials, I went out to take a casual walk and clear my mind, and I ended up coming to this place.

“At that time, your mother was sitting in my spot, eating peach-blossom pastries bite by bite.

“She stuffed her mouth full, like a hamster.

“What made me laugh even more was that when your mother saw me come, I was clearly wearing the yellow robe, yet the first thing your mother did was not to salute me. Instead, she hurriedly stuffed the remaining pastries from the jade plate into her mouth, as if afraid I would eat her pastries.

“At that time, I was thinking—how could there be such a gluttonous woman? And yet she was so beautiful.

“But it was precisely that sort of woman who made it so that whenever I had leisure, I would bring some pastries and come to Red Sleeve Palace to chat with her.

“For your mother,

“Compared to me, it seemed that pastries were more tempting to her.”

As he spoke, the Qin Shengtian smiled.

“Later, after I completely stabilized the court, I formally married your mother.

“After your mother became Empress, at first she still didn’t know how to do things, but she kept learning how to manage the inner palace. She often read the classics of the Hundred Schools, thinking about how to be a good Empress.

“When it came to her own clan, your mother never showed favoritism. If members of the Shi clan wanted to enter the court as officials, the greatest obstacle wasn’t me—rather, it was your mother.

“Slowly, those aristocratic families who originally opposed your mother becoming Empress all shut their mouths.

“And even among the common people, your mother’s reputation grew greater and greater. Qin’s people called her a worthy Empress.

“And the student surpassing the master.

“Siyao, Dad also believes in you. As long as it’s something you want to do and you earnestly go do it, you will also surely be able to do it.”

Qin Shengtian turned his head and looked at his daughter with a smile, his expression also carrying a bit of pride.

“Siyao, over these nearly three years, you’ve already become very skilled in handling all kinds of affairs. Whether it’s military matters, mulberry and farming, or the people’s livelihood and moral instruction, you also have many views of your own.

“Yesterday, I showed the memorials you reviewed to Prime Minister Li and the others, and they all praised you without end.”

“It’s all because Father taught well,” Qin Siyao shook her head. “And your daughter, when I run into things I don’t understand, not only do I have Father, I also have my husband to explain things to me.”

“No. The things I and Xiao Mo can teach you are limited.”

Qin Shengtian shook his head, gratified.

“It’s that you truly have talent. In fact, Father already knew long ago that you are actually smarter than many, many people.

“Whether it’s cultivation or governance, or other matters, you have more talent than Jingsu and Jingyuan.

“You might not even have realized yourself that compared to many rulers and nobles, you are far more outstanding.

“It’s just that in the past, Siyao, in your daily life you were a bit lazy.

“Only, Siyao—you’re still too kind-hearted.

“Many times, the thoughts in those court officials’ hearts—it’s not that you don’t understand them, but that you always feel they might not be as bad as you imagine in your heart.

“But most of the time, those court officials are exactly as bad as you imagine.”

Qin Shengtian continued, as if giving his daughter final instruction.

“Siyao, you must remember—do not be afraid to judge others with the greatest malice.

“Siyao, you must also remember—do not treat everyone as bad people. The world also does not lack those with ideals.

“Siyao, you must remember even more—water can carry a boat, and it can also overturn a boat. No matter what, do not let the common people lose hope, lose a way to live.”

“Father.” Qin Siyao’s eyes trembled, and her eye sockets could not help reddening.

“Silly daughter. Father is only talking to you. Why does it look like you’re about to cry?” Qin Shengtian smiled.

“Alright, alright. I won’t talk anymore. The Imperial Kitchen seems pretty close to Red Sleeve Palace. Do you want to go to the Imperial Kitchen and casually make two dishes? We’ll eat here at noon. How about it?”

“Alright, Father.” Qin Siyao wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes. “Your daughter will go right away. Father, please wait a little.”

“Mm, good.” Qin Shengtian nodded.

Qin Siyao pinched her skirt hem and ran out of Red Sleeve Palace.

In the empty front courtyard, Qin Shengtian removed the jade pendant at his waist.

With the concealment of the magical treasure gone, Qin Shengtian’s life-flame—like a spark that could go out at any moment—was exposed amid the heavy snow.

“Xiner, soon, I’m going to come and see you all.”

Qin Shengtian looked beyond the courtyard gate and murmured softly.

“Only, after I go, Siyao truly will be left with only herself.

“Will that Xiao Mo brat bully her?

“Can she really hold up by herself?

“I hand this burden to her—was it really a mistake?

“She’s only a woman, a daughter we’ve always spoiled.

“I really am selfish. I truly am not a qualified father.”

Qin Shengtian’s consciousness grew heavier and heavier, and his vision also grew blurrier. Gradually, he could no longer hear the sounds around him, nor feel the cold.

“Siyao, forgive Father for handing everything to you.”

“Siyao, forgive Father for not being able to stay with you.”

“Siyao, Dad... is leaving.”

The man placed both hands on his knees, sitting bolt upright on the stone stool. His eyes slowly closed, yet would never open again.

“Father, I casually made two dishes. Take a look and see if they suit your taste.”

A little over half an hour later, Qin Siyao carried the food box and ran into Red Sleeve Palace at a trot.

But the moment Qin Siyao stepped into Red Sleeve Palace and saw her father sitting on the stone stool with his eyes closed, Qin Siyao’s expression froze like a lake of ice.

Her steps could not help slowing. The fingers holding the food box tightened more and more.

The woman pressed her thin lips together tightly, walking step by step toward her father.

“Father, your daughter made three dishes. One is red-braised chili chicken, and another is steamed Moon-Snow Fish, and also a warming pig-heart soup.”

Her voice trembled.

Even though her father gave not the slightest response.

She still kept naming the dishes as she took them out of the food box one by one, set them on the table, and served her father a bowl of rice.

“Father... eat.”

The tears in the woman’s eyes fell in streams, dripping onto the steaming rice.

“Eat, Father...”