Chapter 247: Protagonist Saves The Ungrateful Young Master!

From the overgrown bushes on our left, two humanoid shapes burst out.

At first, I thought it was Michael and the others, but—

"What the—?!" I blurted in shock as I got a better look.

Those two figures weren’t people at all.

If anything, they looked more like massive globs of drying mud, lurching toward us awkwardly like drunk men.

One of them let out a gurgling, wet sound that almost sounded like a laugh — if mud could laugh.

The other swayed dangerously, its body cracking and flaking with every stumbling step.

I activated my Origin Card, and Juliana wordlessly summoned her swords.

We were about to make quick work of the two monsters when... we both suddenly stopped.

"...Wait," I muttered, narrowing my eyes. "What are they doing?"

Even Juliana looked mildly puzzled. "They seem to be... waving? Bowing? And now one of them is

groveling

?!"

No, she wasn’t exaggerating.

The two mud-glob monsters before us were indeed waving and bowing and groveling.

One even started...

breakdancing

!

The other lifted a lumpy arm, pointed at us, then pointed at itself.

I glanced at Juliana. "Hey, you’re academically smart, right? Is it normal for low-level monsters to... breakdance?"

She shrugged, as impassive as ever. "Not unless they’re shapeshifters. In any case, let’s just kill them."

I nodded. "True, true."

I was just about to conjure a stone lance to impale these breakdancing blobs when one of them began flailing its soggy arms in panic.

"Yo, chill, it’s me! Your BFF!" it croaked, voice muffled like it was shouting through a bucket of sludge. "Ray Warner! I’m Ray Warner!"

I squinted suspiciously.

So did Juliana.

"Impressive," she said. "A monster that can speak and has a name. It’ll fetch a high price if we capture it."

Ray — or what was

allegedly

Ray — started hopping in place, chunks of dried mud flaking off.

"No, no, no! It’s me! A fellow human! Cadet Rank 2!" He turned to me. "Samael, you fawned over my good looks when we first met! Then you begged to be my best friend! Don’t you remember all that?!"

No, actually.

I didn’t remember.

Because

none

of what he said ever happened.

But it did confirm one thing.

This

glob of mud

really was Ray. Because only he could be

that

delusional.

I sighed. "And who’s the second one?"

"...Vince Cleverly," the second one replied, his voice heavy with shame.

I blinked.

Ah, so these two had already met, huh?

In the game, their bromance was infamous.

...Infamous for making you wonder if fate had deliberately paired them together just to make everyone else’s life harder.

Ray was loud, flashy, always flirting with any pretty girl in sight, and had the self-awareness of a concussed squirrel.

Vince was quiet, cunning, and a compulsive scammer.

Together, they were somehow both unbearably annoying and unnervingly effective in a fight.

But right now they just looked like a pair of misshapen clay sculptures that a toddler had abandoned molding halfway through.

Juliana tilted her head slightly. "So, what exactly happened to you two? Mud spa gone wrong?"

"We fought a swamp monster. It...

might

have won," Ray admitted, slumping like wet cement.

Vince let out a broken sigh that

could’ve

been a sob. "We can’t use any Cards! This damn mud has some unique property that blocks us from accessing our Soul Arsenal!"

’The mud? Hmm,’

I thought.

’It’s probably jamming their Essence control.’

Since [

C-rank

] Awakened couldn’t sense Essence and only manipulate it by instinct, they wouldn’t realize if something was disrupting their control.

Juliana raised an eyebrow. "So you two are literally dirt now."

Ray groaned. "That’s

not

the point! We need help before the mud dries out completely and we die from oxygen deprivation! It’s already getting hard to breathe! Feels like I’m buried alive!"

At that, Juliana turned to me with her usual calm deadpan. "I still think we shouldn’t take any chances and kill them. What if they really

are

monsters?"

This girl! She just needed

any

excuse to suggest murder.

"No! Bad, Juli!" I scolded her while walking over to the two of them. "We don’t kill

questionably

innocent people."

"Maybe you don’t," she mumbled.

For my own sake, I pretended not to hear her and reactivated my Origin Card.

"Anyway," I said, stopping in front of Ray. "I’ll help you two. Consider this your lucky day—"

"Samael, get down!"

I was just in the middle of my generous speech when I heard Michael’s shout.

Thwaaam—!!

And then, before I could even blink, he came barreling through the bushes and tackled me from the side, knocking us both to the ground.

"Arghhh!" I groaned. That bastard had slammed his shoulder right into my ribs — the same ribs that still hadn’t fully healed. Writhing in pain under him, I cried out, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Michael scrambled off me and stood up, his dark longsword in hand. "I just saved you from these mud monsters!"

"No! No, you didn’t, you dumbass!" I snapped, clutching my side. "Those are Vince and Ray!"

Michael blinked. His sword lowered as he saw the

’mud monsters’

weakly waving at him. "...Huh?"

"Do you think I’m stupid?" I demanded. "Why would I walk up to two beasts with my guard down unless I knew it was safe?!"

Michael’s face flushed crimson in embarrassment. He shrank in on himself like a scolded child. "I—I thought I was..."

"Don’t! Just don’t save me!" I pushed myself up, wincing. "If you think I’m about to be killed, just let me die! At least then my ribs will stay intact!"

I brushed myself off, still glaring at him.

My ribs throbbed in agony, and I was about two seconds away from manifesting a stone mallet just to bonk him on the head for his

’heroic’

tackle.

Shaking my head, I stepped toward Ray again, when—

Thwaaam—!!

Something — or

someone

— else crashed into me in a blur, smashing through my shoulder.

I hit the dirt again. And already moving past without a single look back... was Kang.

He rushed straight to Alexia’s side, dropping to his knees beside her like the overprotective mutt he was.

"Oh, for fuck’s sake!" I wheezed, clutching my ribs. "Are you blind or just stupid, wolf boy?!"

Kang ignored me completely, his white fur catching the red glow of the moonlight.

His cerulean eyes stayed locked on Alexia’s unconscious face, and his fangs were bared dangerously like he was ready to rip apart the forest itself if it so much as came near her.

"Is she okay?" he growled in tone low and edged like gravel.

Lily stepped out from the bushes and knelt beside him, checking Alexia’s vitals. "Relax. She should wake up in a few hours."

I blinked, then my irritation flared all over again.

I pointed at Kang and started yelling like the entitled spoiled brat I am, "Hey! I’m talking to you! Did no one teach you manners, you fucker?! Apologize right now! Kowtow to me ten times and maybe I’ll forgive you!"

Kang didn’t even flick an ear in my direction.

My temper spiked. "You son of a bitch! How dare you ignore me? Are you courting death?! I’m the youngest son of the Theosbane family! I’ll have you crippled for life, you rabid dog!"

"Samael," Michael muttered behind me.

I waved him off. "No, Michael. Don’t stop me today! I’m going to teach this motherfucker some manners!"

I was halfway through re-rolling my already rolled-up sleeves when Michael suddenly grabbed me and spun me around.

I was about to unleash another tirade — until I saw Vince and Ray.

The mud coating their bodies had

almost

completely dried. They had both fallen on the ground now, twitching uncontrollably.

From the looks of it, they were probably suffocating.

...Oh. Right.

Maybe I should help them first.