Luo Xuan squinted his eyes, as if sizing up Xiao Man.
"Luo Xuan... donāt you think the outside world is beautiful?" Xiao Man smiled, a toxic smile, "Without so much killing... the noisy nights, the drunkards and riddles, the clamor, the laughter, and the love between men and women, living an ordinary life like that for a lifetime would truly be Paradise... Iāve grown accustomed to such a life, you canāt make me go back, I canāt do it."
"When I first encountered such a world, it felt so novel. So this is what an ordinary world looks like, with everyoneās face bearing a smile, looking so nice. I tried hard to shed my original appearance, looking for an opportunity to survive among these people, to become like one of them..."
As Xiao Man spoke, her face was full of yearning.
"For the first time, I realized that you donāt necessarily need to experience so many life-and-death situations from birth, donāt need to learn to survive in the primeval forest, donāt need to eat raw meat, donāt need to fight with wolves and leopards..." She paused for a bit, and laughed desolately, "Donāt need to endure so much suffering, the meaning of being āhumanā is not what I had understood. They are born and joyfully grow up in the arms of their parents, loved and spoiled... I tried to glimpse the secrets of those peopleās growth, envying them every time I saw. Each time, I despised my parents more, wondering why they gave birth to us but didnāt want us, letting us grow roots in that kind of place..."
The "us" Xiao Man referred to was her and her sister.
Xiao Man had a sister, named Helena. She only knew she had a sister, and perhaps her sister knew of her too; she knew they were in the same place, yet they had never met.
The last time she heard any news of her sister was many years ago.
During a mission, her sister perished.
The one known as their master only told her this sentence, without any additional information.
"When Li Sinian first gave me flowers, I finally understood the meaning behind those peopleās smiles. He did many things for me that you wouldnāt know of, showing me what itās like to be lovedāperhaps, he was supposed to love me, right? Sometimes even I am not sure..." she said, laughing desolately again, sighing, "Living in such a wonderful world, how could I bear to go back. So little by little, I eliminated those people the master had placed by his side. I wanted to say goodbye to that world once and for all, even though I knew that was impossible. One day, those people from that world would still come for me, as long as I am still alive."
She didnāt need to hide, for she knew she would be found wherever she went, so she simply lived openly, doing all that ordinary people should do, while he would take care of all the bloody work for her.
For a very long time, she didnāt have to worry about those things; she really thought she was just Xiao Man.
However, Luo Xuan arrived.
He came to tell her that she was not Xiao Man; she was Heather.
"Yet even so, what of it? I would rather die than go back to that place. Ever since I left, this is what I thought: either to be killed by those sent by the master, or to be found by Li Sinian and die by his hand... although, it might not be that quick."
Who knows, in the end, by what means he will let her die.
"Heather, you donāt need to tempt me here," Luo Xuan listened until she finished, then scoffed coldly, "I have no attachment to this world."