Chapter 262: If Not Killing Living Beings, Then Kill Me

Song Gudao left Chen Changsheng’s courtyard and immediately went to find Gou’er.

The courtyards were close by, so less than an hour passed before Song Gudao left; no one knew what he said to Gou’er.

But on that day, Gou’er knocked on Mr. Chen’s gate once again.

He wanted to hear Mr. Chen’s opinion.

“Song Gudao found you earlier, didn’t he?”

“Um…”

Gou’er kept his head down. “He spoke about a matter.”

Chen Changsheng asked, “Did you agree?”

“I’m still hesitating.”

Gou’er paused, then said, “Does Sir know about this matter?”

Chen Changsheng answered, “He came to ask me first before he went to find you.”

Gou’er pressed his lips together. “Then in Sir’s view… should I go? What can I do if I go?”

Chen Changsheng shook his head. “For something this high risk, only you can decide.”

Gou’er fell silent.

He couldn’t make up his mind.

“Sir told me to look further ahead. But Sir didn’t explain what Buddha is. I heard Chieftain Song say that Sir calls me ‘Monk’. What does that mean…”

Gou’er spoke these words, but then drifted off talking about other things unintelligibly. He was distracted, unable to decide.

He lifted his head. “Back in the Mortal World, Mr. Chen said I should become a Killing Talent, not a Buddha. Before, I didn’t understand what Sir meant by Killing Talent. I understand now. It’s this Buddha…”

Chen Changsheng explained, “The so-called Buddha… is actually a state of mind. Letting go of all worldly distractions, greed, and ignorance. Being able to view all desires, pains, gains, and losses lightly and with acceptance. Thus achieving freedom and release of mind, reaching a transcendent state. Facing all the extraordinary things in the world with an ordinary heart. Doing things willingly as they come, staying contented wherever you are. That is Buddha.”

“Letting go… viewing lightly…”

Gou’er murmured. He thought about everything he had experienced.

The great flood disaster. The struggle beneath the City Platform. The fighting among tens of thousands. All turned to smoke and ashes. Scene after scene flashed through his mind like a lantern show.

Suffering. Greed. Murderous thoughts. Life and death…

When it came to doing things willingly and staying contented… he had never achieved it. Every time he saw those things, he felt they shouldn’t be this way, yet he was powerless to change them.

Gou’er looked up. “If that’s true… it seems I’m still far off…”

Chen Changsheng said, “You have merely started on this path.”

Gou’er raised his head. “Then what about the Killing Talent Sir spoke of?”

Chen Changsheng replied, “Song Gudao is a qualified Killing Talent.”

“Chieftain Song…”

Gou’er opened his mouth. He recalled Song Gudao’s face. It matched perfectly with what he imagined. He, too, felt only Chieftain Song deserved the name Killing Talent.

Then Gou’er thought of himself.

So what was he?

Not Buddha. Not a Killing Talent. Wandering uncertainly between the two. Never reaching a decision.

Gou’er felt himself ordinary. Plain as dust. The kind who, thrown into a crowd, would hardly be noticed.

But why… did it seem many people placed great hopes on him?

Sir did. Chieftain Song did. And that person he rescued back in the Mortal World…

But he himself, from start to finish, never thought of killing anyone.

Not only because he couldn’t bring himself to do it, but more importantly, because his heart held kindness. He had a different view on most things.

But after seeing the corpses strewn across the ground, and after seeing the Divine Domain… he realized he had been completely wrong.

After several moments of numbness, he completely forgot what he had believed and yearned for.

Gou’er looked up. “Mr. Chen… if I go… how likely is it I return alive?”

Chen Changsheng stated, “Less than one in ten.”

“I see…”

Gou’er pondered deeply, yet still couldn’t fully resolve himself.

“Thank you, Mr. Chen, for clearing my doubts.”

Gou’er stood up, bowed respectfully, then said his goodbyes to Sir.

After leaving the courtyard, he carefully closed the gate behind him.

Chen Changsheng also withdrew his gaze, then drank down the final sip of murky wine in his cup.

In the following days, Gou’er locked himself inside his own courtyard. After nightfall, it remained utterly silent, not a single sound could be heard.

.

.

When Chen Changsheng next visited the tavern, he clearly saw many more people drinking.

Most were unfamiliar faces.

Surprisingly, Song Gudao seemed idle too. He stood at the counter arguing with Du A’niang.

“You old widow… you’re a decent person, but your mouth! Your first husband probably kicked the bucket from sheer frustration with you!”

“What? Does that mean you want to shack up with me? Have me mourn you as a widow?”

“You think I’d even look at you!?”

“Well this widow ain’t looking at you!”

The two bickered. The patrons drinking in the tavern paid no attention, as if long used to it.

“Seriously…”

Song Gudao turned his head and spotted Chen Changsheng entering.

“Senior.” Song Gudao greeted him.

Chen Changsheng walked forward. “Taking some time off recently?”

“Not exactly.”

Song Gudao nodded. “Just stealing a bit of idleness.”

Du A’niang chided, “Him? Steals two moments of rest for every moment worked. Blink, and his day is gone.”

Song Gudao widened his eyes. “Can’t you say anything nice about me?”

“What’s nice about you?”

“…”

Song Gudao thought about it, then could only snort coldly. “Won’t lower myself to argue with a woman.”

Du A’niang laughed. “Coward.”

Song Gudao didn’t get annoyed. Between them, it had always been this way.

After Du A’niang poured the wine, Chen Changsheng and Song Gudao sat down at a table.

“Did that… um… that guy come talk to you?” Song Gudao asked, blinking.

Chen Changsheng answered, “He came not long after you left.”

“Oh?”

Song Gudao looked up. “Did he say if he would go? I noticed he’s locked himself in his yard lately, hasn’t come out at all.”

Chen Changsheng shook his head. “He’s likely hesitating.”

“Is that so…”

Song Gudao stroked his chin, already forming an idea.

“Wait three more days,” Chen Changsheng suggested.

Hearing this, Song Gudao relaxed again. “Very well. We’ll listen to Senior.”

Chen Changsheng nodded. The two finished their drinks and parted ways at the tavern door.

Chen Changsheng walked towards his home. As he was about to arrive, he saw Gou’er waiting at his gate.

Gou’er turned to look at Mr. Chen. He seemed to have reached a decision.

Chen Changsheng asked, “Why are you standing here?”

Gou’er replied, “Sir… I want to become the Killing Talent Sir described. But… I don’t think I would be like Chieftain Song.”

Chen Changsheng stood at the gate, watching him.

Gou’er continued, “I cannot become a Killing Talent. Nor can I become Buddha.”

He had no desire to kill in his heart.

Yet Gou’er’s tone shifted as he added, “But… what if… if sacrificing myself…”

“Could save tens of millions?”

His gaze rested on Sir, as if hoping for an answer.

Chen Changsheng pondered for a moment, then told him.

“Perhaps.”

Suddenly, a light shone in Gou’er’s eyes.

After a brief silence.

Gou’er took two steps back. Then, just like he had done by the lake that time, he knelt and kowtowed three times.

“Gou’er thanks Sir for clearing my doubts!”

He couldn’t do it. Killing one to save many millions? Killing millions to save one? Neither worked for him.

Since his heart and mind refused to let him take lives.

Then he would kill himself.

That way… it wouldn’t count as killing living beings, would it?

Gou’er stood up. He looked at Mr. Chen one last time, then turned around and walked away. He never glanced back again.