The terrorists staring down the barrel of Ethan's glowing fingers clearly had no idea how to process the situation. They were trained to fight insurgents and military operatives, not a guy in a designer t-shirt deflecting bullets with a glowing orange frisbee.
"Kill him!" one of them finally screamed in Arabic, snapping out of his stupor.
Half a dozen men rushed through the doorway, assault rifles blazing.
"So uncivilized," Ethan sighed.
He didn't even bother casting another shield. Tapping into the physical conditioning of his daily Saitama routine, Ethan blurred into motion. He closed the distance before the terrorists could even adjust their aim. He grabbed the barrel of the first rifle, crushing the steel flat in his grip, and delivered a casual, flat-footed kick to the man's chest.
The terrorist flew backward like he'd been shot out of a cannon, crashing into three of his comrades and sending them all tumbling out the cave entrance in a tangle of broken limbs.
Another fighter, panicking, pulled a heavy RPG from his back and aimed it right at Ethan's face.
Ethan just snapped his fingers. "Expelliarmus."
The heavy rocket launcher violently violently ripped itself from the terrorist's shoulder, flying across the room and landing neatly in Ethan's outstretched hand.
"You guys really leave your toys lying around," Ethan smirked. He swung the heavy RPG like a baseball bat, slamming the heavy metal tube directly into the side of the terrorist's head. The man folded like a lawn chair.
Just then, a loud, mechanical hum filled the cavern. The old CRT monitor flashed green.
[ BOOT SEQUENCE: 100% ]
The few remaining terrorists in the cave slowly turned their heads toward the dark corner of the room.
Heavy, mechanical footsteps echoed through the cavern. Clang. Clang. Clang. Tony Stark stepped out of the shadows, fully encased in the bulky, crude, and utterly terrifying iron shell of the Mark I. He looked like a steampunk juggernaut.
A terrorist raised his rifle, but Tony didn't even flinch. He swung his massive, heavy iron arm, backhanding the man completely across the room. The terrorist hit the rock wall with a sickening crunch and slumped to the dirt.
"I told you," Ethan smiled, tossing the dented RPG aside and dusting off his hands. "He's the main course."
Tony's metallic voice echoed from within the heavy helmet. "My turn."
Ethan walked over to where Yinsen was still hiding behind the anvil, completely paralyzed by shock. Ethan grabbed the doctor by the back of his shirt and casually hoisted him up.
"Come on, Doc," Ethan said. "Let's give the billionaire some space to work through his unresolved trauma."
Ethan spun his fingers in a tight circle, opening a shower of golden sparks that quickly formed a portal. Through the ring, Yinsen could see the top of a sandy ridge overlooking the entire Ten Rings camp. Ethan practically tossed the bewildered doctor through the portal and stepped in after him, closing the ring just as Tony engaged the suit's flamethrowers.
From the safety of the high ridge, Ethan and Yinsen had front-row seats to the fireworks.
Down in the valley, the heavy iron doors of the cave burst open. The Mark I stepped out into the blinding Afghan sun. The Ten Rings camp erupted into utter chaos. Terrorists poured out of their tents, firing hundreds of rounds at the metal giant. The bullets just pinged harmlessly off Tony's armor.
"He's actually doing it," Yinsen whispered, leaning over the edge of the rock, his eyes wide. "He built a machine of war to escape a war."
"Yeah, he's got a flair for the dramatic," Ethan chuckled, conjuring a cold soda out of his dimensional pocket and taking a sip.
Down below, Tony raised his arms. twin jets of roaring, concentrated fire shot from the suit's gauntlets. He didn't just target the terrorists; he targeted the massive stockpile of Stark Industries weapons. Crates of missiles, bullets, and explosives caught fire.
The camp went up in a glorious, apocalyptic chain reaction of explosions.
"Alright, playtime's over," Ethan noted, watching the flames lick the sky. "The suit's servos are going to lock up in that heat."
Right on cue, Tony hit the launch button. Crude, high-pressure thrusters ignited on the boots of the Mark I. The heavy iron suit blasted off the ground, rocketing into the sky in a chaotic, uncontrolled trajectory, leaving the burning camp far behind.
"He made it!" Yinsen cheered, throwing his hands up.
"Give it three seconds," Ethan deadpanned.
High above the desert, the makeshift thrusters sputtered and completely died. The Mark I stalled in mid-air, hung for a split second, and then began to plummet toward the unforgiving sand dunes like a falling anvil.
"Oh no!" Yinsen screamed. "He's going to be crushed!"
"Relax," Ethan sighed, cracking his neck.
He didn't Apparate. Instead, he waited until Tony was about two hundred feet from the ground, falling at terminal velocity. Ethan raised his hand, pointing his glowing fingers directly at the plummeting billionaire.
"Arresto Momentum."
A massive, invisible cushion of magical force caught the heavy iron suit in mid-air. The Mark I decelerated instantly, dropping from a lethal free-fall to the speed of a gentle elevator ride. Tony drifted the last fifty feet and landed with a soft, anti-climactic thump in the sand.
Ethan snapped his fingers, opening a portal on the ridge and stepping through with Yinsen, reappearing directly next to the fallen armor.
Tony groaned from inside the suit. The faceplate popped off, revealing his soot-covered, exhausted, but highly alive face. He looked up at the sky, then at the soft sand, and finally at Ethan.
"I was fully prepared to break both my legs," Tony wheezed, struggling to sit up in the heavy armor. "You really couldn't have just done that magical cushion thing from the start? Or, I don't know, opened a portal straight to Malibu?"
"I told you," Ethan smirked, reaching down to effortlessly rip the heavy chest plate off the armor with a flex of his Saitama-enhanced strength. "Character development. If I babied you, you wouldn't appreciate the value of a good shock absorber."
Yinsen rushed forward, helping pull Tony out of the wreckage of the suit. "Mr. Stark! You are alive!"
Tony looked at the doctor, then back at the burning smoke of the terrorist camp on the horizon. A rare, genuine smile broke through his exhaustion. "We both are, Doc."
Just as Tony dusted himself off, the familiar blue screen violently hijacked Ethan's vision, accompanied by the sweetest sound in the Multiverse.
[ Mission Complete: The Iron Dawn]
[ Objective Achieved: Witnessed the birth of Iron Man. Yinsen survived.]
[ Reward: 3,000 System Points, 1x Random Tech Blueprint.]
[ Current Balance: 5,010 Points.]
[ System Note: Congratulations on successfully babysitting a billionaire.]