[ Mission Complete: The Iron Dawn]
[ Objective Achieved: Witnessed the birth of Iron Man. Yinsen survived.]
[ Reward: 3,000 System Points, 1x Random Tech Blueprint.]
[ Current Balance: 5,010 Points.]
Ethan dismissed the glowing screen, his grin widening. Over five thousand points and a random tech blueprint. The New York Sanctum was about to get some serious upgrades.
"Alright, Stark," Ethan said, clapping his hands together and dusting the sand off his jeans. "The military choppers will be here in about ten minutes to pick up our distress signal. My work here is done."
He raised his hand and spun his fingers in a tight circle. A shower of golden sparks erupted, opening a portal directly into the cool, air-conditioned foyer of the New York Sanctum.
Tony stared at the portal, then at Ethan. "Where does that lead to?"
"Oh, it's my home. 177A Bleecker Street, New York," Ethan said casually.
Without a single second of hesitation, Tony walked right past Ethan and stepped completely through the portal.
Ethan blinked, looking through the ring to see Tony standing in the Sanctum lobby. "Hey! What about waiting for the military rescue? The dramatic desert reunion?"
"Are you insane?" Tony's voice echoed back through the portal. "It's a hundred and twenty degrees out there, I haven't showered in two months, and I have sand in places I didn't know existed. Keep your character development, I'm going home."
Ethan chuckled, shaking his head. You couldn't force a billionaire to sit in the dirt if he didn't want to. "Well, whatever. The mission is done. Dr. Yinsen, what are you waiting for? Let's go."
Yinsen, still looking at the portal like it was a miracle from God, scrambled through. Ethan stepped in right behind him and closed the gateway with a flick of his wrist.
*****
Ten minutes later, deep in the Afghan desert, a military helicopter touched down with a roar of dust and noise.
Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes jumped out of the chopper, his weapon raised, sprinting toward the smoking crater where the Ten Rings camp used to be. He found the destroyed remnants of a heavy iron suit half-buried in the sand. He found a massive blast radius.
He didn't find Tony Stark.
Rhodey lowered his gun, looking around the completely empty desert in absolute disbelief. "Are you absolutely sure the signal came from here?"
"Yes, sir," the comms operator replied nervously. "Right on that exact spot."
****
Back in the New York Sanctum, Tony was busy inspecting the massive oak staircase and the antique relics.
"It really is New York," Tony muttered, looking out the massive front window at the bustling streets of Greenwich Village. He turned back to Ethan, shaking his head. "Damn, that is too convenient. It's completely balance-breaking. Say, how much do you make at this 'magic monk' gig? Would you like a job as my personal chauffeur? Name your price."
"Fuck off, man," Ethan laughed, walking over to the fridge to grab a cold drink. "You can't afford me."
Just as they were talking, a second portal sparked to life in the center of the foyer. The gateway opened to the snowy peaks of Kamar-Taj, and Wong stepped through, his hands neatly tucked into his sleeves.
"Ethan, you are back," Wong said, his eyes briefly sweeping over the two soot-covered men standing in the lobby. "The Ancient One has asked for you. It is urgent."
"Right now?" Ethan sighed, crushing his empty soda can. "Alright, fine. Tony, Yinsen, you guys make yourselves at home. Don't touch the glass, don't eat the blue jam in the pantry, and don't push any weird buttons."
Ethan stepped through the portal to Kamar-Taj, leaving Wong behind in New York to close the gate.
Wong stood in the quiet foyer, slowly turning to look at the billionaire and the doctor.
Tony looked back at the stout, unamused sorcerer. "You know, you have the exact same temperament as my bodyguard, Happy. Just... with a lot more robes."
"Hello, Mr. Stark," Wong said politely.
"Yeah, hi."
Wong reached into his robes and pulled out his cracked, slightly outdated Stark Industries smartphone. He held it up. "Mr. Stark. Since you are here, I have a grievance. When I purchased this phone, it was perfectly fine. But ever since your company announced the new model, this one has become incredibly slow. It lags when I play games. Are you deliberately slowing down older devices so users are forced to shift to newer models?"
Tony just stared at him. His brain ground to a complete halt.
He had just survived a terrorist kidnapping. He had built a suit of armor in a cave with a box of scraps. He had fallen out of the sky. And now, standing in a magical wizard house in New York, he was getting front-line customer service complaints about phone lag.
"What the fuck?" Tony blurted out. "If you have a problem with your phone, call the 1-800 customer service number! Who complains directly to the CEO?!"
Wong didn't blink. He just continued to hold the phone up expectantly.
Tony rubbed his temples, feeling a massive headache coming on. "Listen, mister—"
"Wong."
"Yeah, Mr. Wong. You see, my primary business is weapons. I develop high-tech arms. The smartphones are just a side division running under the corporate umbrella. I have absolutely no say in the software updates."
Wong's expression remained completely flat.
Tony sighed, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Fine. But since you brought the matter directly to me, I will look into it. And I will personally provide you with the latest, unreleased smartphone prototype with top-of-the-industry tech. Happy?"
Hearing that, Wong snickered inwardly. He had learned a few things about scamming rich people from Ethan.
"However," Tony continued, holding his hand out. "I need to borrow that phone right now to make a call."
"Oh, yes. Of course," Wong said, handing it over immediately.
Tony dialed a number from memory. It rang twice before it was picked up.
"Hello?" Pepper Potts' voice came through the speaker. She sounded exhausted.
"Hey, Pep," Tony said softly.
There was a dead silence on the other end of the line. And then, a chaotic crash of a coffee mug dropping, followed by a frantic, tearful gasp. "Tony?! Oh my god, Tony! Where are you? The military just said they found the camp but you were gone! Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine, Pepper. I'll explain everything later," Tony said, cutting through her barrage of questions. "Just do me a favor. Send Happy to 177A Bleecker Street in Greenwich Village. And tell him to bring cheeseburgers."