Out of nowhere, the motherfucker called.
"Motherfucker, what's up?"
"That damn motherfucker… *sigh*… An unknown object just fell to Earth. Your tech is the best, so I need you to check it out."
This would be Thor 1 timing. Honestly, there was nothing to gain and it'd resolve itself, so I was going to ignore it, but now he'd called.
"It's in New Mexico, right? Shaped like a hammer."
"This is driving me crazy. How do you know?"
"It's all over the internet. The hammer no one can lift? Motherfucker, don't you use social networks like Instagram?"
"I'm too busy for that. And most of my work is classified. You think that's possible?"
"Fair point. Anyway, I'll go myself."
"Music to my ears. Phil Coulson's on site. Use him however you want. And don't forget to share intel."
I left the company to Minerva and drove to New Mexico alone in my Hummer.
"America's definitely got the best driving."
I cruised down the endless highways and arrived in New Mexico to find SHIELD agents in black suits setting up mobile buildings and equipment. Phil Coulson spotted me and walked over.
"Jin, you're here. I'm Phil Coulson. We met at the hearing, remember? The Director told me about you."
We shook hands lightly.
"Nice to meet you, Agent Coulson. Director Nick Fury asked me to take a look at what fell."
"The Director briefed me. If you need anything, just say the word. We'll support you however we can."
I looked around but didn't see who I expected.
"The guy who's good with a bow didn't come?"
Coulson paused before answering.
"I don't know how you knew, but he's busy on another mission."
With Natasha gone, they really were short-handed. That meant if anything beyond human capability happened, they expected me to handle it. Nick Fury was probably counting on that.
I said I'd help with the big stuff once in a while, and the motherfucker's cashing in already… seriously, motherfucker.
"Let's take a look first."
"Understood. We've confirmed there's no radiation or contaminants, so you can go see it directly."
Phil Coulson and I headed to where Mjolnir was. They'd installed so much — quarantine zones, labs — we had to wind through everything to finally arrive.
I get it's a government agency, but this is excessive.
"There's the hammer."
When we arrived, the soil under Mjolnir was mounded up. People must've tried hard to lift it. Researchers and guards watched as I approached.
"Hmm… this is a metal called Uru."
"Do you know the material?"
"If Earth has vibranium, the universe has Uru. It's extremely rare."
Phil Coulson quickly told the agent next to him. Not that it mattered — Thor would just take it anyway.
"Notify the Director immediately. The Magician knows what the hammer is."
"Understood."
The agent Coulson ordered rushed off. Probably to contact Nick Fury. And apparently SHIELD called me 'the Magician.' Better than Konosuba's cringey 'Silver Flash' title, I guess.
"So SHIELD calls me that."
"Yes. Cool, isn't it? Magician! You fight with a staff and throw cards, so I think the codename fits."
Phil Coulson was sincere about this stuff. Come to think of it, he was a surprisingly well-developed side character.
"I see."
"Do you know anything else about Uru?"
"I don't know much myself, but it's nearly indestructible and can hold special power. That's all I know."
To be exact, it could hold magic. And in MCU canon, it was slightly stronger than vibranium.
"So normally, can't people lift it? Or is there a condition?"
"Regular Uru wouldn't be impossible to lift."
"You're saying?"
"Probably some power is infused in this hammer, making it unliftable."
Odin enchanted it so only the worthy could lift it. I couldn't say that part.
"I see. It's mealtime, so let's eat. The food might not suit your taste, but it's not bad. The coffee's excellent."
We moved to the mess hall. The menu was steak, potatoes, and roasted vegetables. I sat with Phil, ate, and drank coffee. Phil knew I was ultra-rich and worried the food wouldn't suit me, but it wasn't bad. I wasn't born rich anyway.
"Um… could I get your autograph?"
A few SHIELD agents approached, asked for autographs, and we took photos together.
"I'll go file my report. There's a lot to write today. If you're bored, there's a town nearby. Feel free to visit. I'll contact you if anything urgent comes up."
These guys have no intention of letting me leave easily. I gave them this much info — they should handle it themselves. I'm busy too.
This was definitely the motherfucker's doing. Meaning they'd keep me here in case something happened. Since I was here, I figured I'd go see Thor, the slap-master 'Jane Foster,' the unexpectedly genius 'Darcy Lewis,' and the weird doctor 'Erik Selvig,' so I left the SHIELD site.
"The town was called Puente-something…"
I zoomed out on the navigation map. The only town nearby was Puente Antiguo, so I headed there.
"'Nearby town,' my ass."
Phil said there was a town nearby, but Puente Antiguo was some distance away. Maybe they say that because America's so big.
I arrived, got gas, and drove around. It wasn't a big town. While looking around, I saw the exact diner from the movie, so I parked nearby and peeked through the window. Lucky timing — Thor, Jane, Darcy, and Dr. Selvig were eating.
"How were you in the clouds?"
I entered the diner just as Darcy was asking Thor questions.
"I like this drink!"
"I know, it's pretty good, right?"
"Another!"
Thor shouted and was about to throw the cup to the floor, so I caught it.
Catch!
"Whoa, calm down, friend. This is Earth. If you're on Earth, follow Earth's laws."
"Oh, oh, oh, that's Chairman Jin! Am I dreaming? My love Jin appeared!"
Huh? My love?
Darcy said something weird. Jane and Dr. Selvig looked shocked, mouths open, staring at me.
"Y-you, why are you here…"
"I had business nearby. Just stopped in."
Thor glanced at me briefly and spoke.
"Handsome friend, you're strong."
Thor must've felt my strength through the cup. Right now Thor's power was sealed, so he was just a buff guy, which made it more noticeable.
Darcy suddenly grabbed Jane's research journal, flipped to the back, tore out a blank page, and handed it to me.
"Um… can I get your autograph?"
Jane glared at Darcy for that, but Darcy ignored her. The situation was weird, but I signed it anyway.
"And a photo too…"
So we took a photo.
"I'm so happy! I'm gonna die. This isn't a dream, right? Can I hug you just once?"
"Hey! Stop it!"
Jane thought Darcy had gone too far and stopped her.
"Sorry. Darcy's your huge fan."
"It's fine."
Darcy was pretty, so I wasn't upset, but it was a bit much. Then Thor said,
"Handsome friend, do you know me?"
"I do. Asgardian."
"Then help me. I need to find Mjolnir."
"Sure. I'll help."
We left the diner and headed to my car.
But why are they following me?
Thor sat in the passenger seat, and Jane, Darcy, and Dr. Selvig climbed into the back. I looked back and Darcy was giving me an intense stare, so I immediately faced forward.
"Ahem… let's go, then."
We drove toward the SHIELD temporary site. Jane finally seemed to snap out of it and asked,
"Um… where are we going?"
"You ask fast. I actually want to ask you — why did you get in?"
"I… this guy and Darcy got in… naturally… Doctor, why did you get in?"[Thor]
Jane, embarrassed, looked at Dr. Selvig sitting beside her.
"I got in because you did… Darcy, why did you get in?"
"I'd follow Chairman Jin to the ends of the Earth."
"..."
"..."
"..."
These people are hopeless.
We arrived at the SHIELD site. Agent Phil Coulson saw us getting out of the car and rushed over.
"Jin! You can't bring civilians here."
"They're not just civilians. This gentleman is astrophysicist Dr. Selvig, Jane Foster, and intern Darcy Lewis."
"Dr. Selvig — we were preparing to seize research materials we need."
My involvement must've delayed things, because unlike canon, they were only now preparing to seize research. Hearing that, Jane panicked.
"What? Seize? By what authority!?"
"We're investigating threats to national security. We'd appreciate your cooperation."
The mood turned strange fast, so I decided to help. I didn't like how SHIELD operated anyway.
"Whoa, everyone calm down. Agent Coulson."
"Yes, Chairman Jin."
"How about cooperating? Seize materials and when will you finish analyzing them? Isn't SHIELD short on manpower? It'd be better to get help from the doctors who actually did the research."
"Hmm… you have a point, but there are security issues. I can't answer at my level. I'll ask the Director."
Just then, Thor was looking around for Mjolnir.
"Oh, and that friend is the alien Thor."
"I see. An alien… looks normal, but what an unusual nickname."
Phil Coulson took my 'alien' comment as a nickname. Well, I'd be skeptical too if someone said a normal-looking Earth human was an alien.
"No, he calls that hammer Mjolnir and he's looking for it. So I brought him."
"What? Is that true?"
Thor heard that and walked over.
"Where is Mjolnir?"
"The talk will be over soon. Just wait. Don't cause trouble."
"Understood. But I hope it's quick."
I said to Phil Coulson again,
"Let's let him contact the hammer. Then we'll know. If anything happens, I'll step in."
"Chairman Jin. Give us a moment to prepare our agents."
"Go ahead."
Phil Coulson ran off and gave orders to other agents. They moved busily. It looked like it would take a while, so I talked to Thor.
"How'd you end up on Earth?"
"Banished by my father's stubbornness."
"Will you go back right away if you find the hammer?"
"I'm a banished man now. I don't know how Father will take me, but I have to go."
"I see."
When preparations were done, Phil Coulson came over.
"Ready. Let's go."
Following Phil's guidance, we moved to Mjolnir again.
"Handsome friend, thanks for helping. I'll repay this debt. I swear on the name of Thor Odinson."
When we arrived at Mjolnir's location, cameras, security agents, and researchers were waiting all around.
"Finally."
Thor approached Mjolnir, grabbed the handle, and pulled, but Mjolnir didn't budge. He tried with both hands several times, but the result was the same.
"AAAAAAAAH!"
Thor screamed at the sky. Probably venting resentment at his father, Odin.
Then I walked up and grabbed Mjolnir and lifted it.
"Huh?"
"Huh?"