We kept traveling through different universes to find Wolverine.
Old Man Logan shot at us the moment he saw us, so we ran to another universe. We also met a Wolverine nailed by both arms and legs to a frame shaped like an X, surrounded by skulls. I freed him, of course, but he wasn't in his right mind. I think the original comic said he'd been kidnapped.
"Ah~ I get it. You're one of those meddling types, huh? Like those weird kids in class who can't resist popping someone's pimple the second they see it."
Deadpool said that after watching me free Wolverine.
"Well, there was someone who needed help right in front of me. That's all."
Honestly, Deadpool's not completely wrong. In the MCU, meddling has caused things to go sideways before. But my fandom played a bigger role, so he wasn't entirely right either.
We moved through another portal and ran into a classic Wolverine fighting the Hulk. Deadpool made his "Marvel Jesus" joke in front of the Hulk, got punched, and it took him a while to heal. It was more jumbled than the movies, but I felt like we'd met almost every version by now.
After wandering around, we finally found the Wolverine from the original story. He was drinking alone quietly at a bar. Deadpool looked at him and said,
"This one actually looks promising."
Whether Deadpool was talking or not, Wolverine just tapped the table and ordered more from the bartender.
"Another one."
The bartender looked thoroughly annoyed. He didn't refill Wolverine's glassâhe just set the bottle down on the table and said,
"I told you, you're not welcome here! You won't be welcome anywhere. Finish up and get out!"
"I'll leave after one more."
To briefly explain this universe's Wolverine: he's an alcoholic who came back to the X-Men school completely drunk, only to find that a mutant-hate group had raided it and killed every X-Men member there.
Wolverine lost his mind and killed every person involved he could find. But in the process, several civilians died too, which deepened the conflict between humans and mutants even further.
In the end, both mutants and regular people came to hate Wolverine.
Deadpool slid into the seat next to Wolverine and said to the bartender,
"Leave the bottle right there!"
Seeing Deadpool butt in, Wolverine frowned and asked,
"Do I know you?"
"No, but I know you."
Wolverine sighed and said,
"Everyone knows me. I'm that Wolverine."
"Yeah, exactly! You're Wolverine. And you need to come with me right now."
Deadpool didn't know anything about this Wolverine's situation and was just talking about his own mission. Obviously, Wolverine shook his head, exasperated, and said like he couldn't be bothered,
"Kid, not interested. Why would I follow you?"
"Because, coincidentally, I need you. And more coincidentally, my world needs you."
The bartender, who'd been watching, threw out an insult. He clearly wanted Wolverine gone.
"You two gonna make out? Or fight?"
Deadpool stared at the bartender, dumbfounded. Then he looked at Wolverineâwho, unlike every other aggressive version we'd met, was just sitting there quietlyâand grew even more incredulous.
"You're just gonna take that?"
"Yeah."
"Huh... wow... Judging by the vibe, it's that 'I don't want to hurt anyone, so stay away' thing. Any other Wolverine would've pounded him by now."
I stepped in and said,
"Don't do this. Come with us and we'll give you unlimited booze and a motorcycle. How about it?"
"Hmm... that's tempting. Fine. What's the job?"
Seeing Wolverine agree so easily, Deadpool grabbed his head in disbelief.
"I say all that and you ignore me, but booze and a bike get you on board!?"
I ignored Deadpool and explained.
"There's a universe falling apart right now, and this guy says he needs you."
"How do I know you'll actually give me free booze?"
I pulled out a small gold bar and handed it to Wolverine.
"Will this convince you? Consider it advance payment."
Wolverine took the gold bar, turned it over in his hands to check if it was real, then pocketed it.
"Alright, I'm in."
People in this world hated Wolverine, so he couldn't get work, which meant no money and no booze. That's why I chose this approach.
"Just like that?"
Deadpool couldn't believe the situation. I tossed two gold coins to the bartender and said,
"Let's go."
"Hold on!"
Wolverine didn't want to waste the drink, so he grabbed the bottle from the table and started chugging. The label showed it was extremely strong, but Wolverine acted like he was going to down it in one go. Deadpool watched, stunned.
"Holy crap! Our honey badger was thirsty?"
After one-shotting the whole bottle, Wolverine said,
"Kha~! Let's go..."
Thud!
He was already pretty drunk, and chugging that much pushed him over the edge. He finished his sentence, then tipped backward and passed out cold.
"Jin, I don't think this Wolverine is the one either."
"Let's just take him. How long are we going to keep searching?"
"Ugh... fine, whatever..."
Deadpool grabbed the passed-out Wolverine by his shirt to lift him, noticed the suit underneath, and said in surprise,
"Whoa! Look at the long johns? Took you only twenty damn years to wear this."
It was the X-Men uniform suitâone Wolverine had always refused to wear because he thought it was tacky. Deadpool stripped off everything but the suit, tossed the rest aside, then hoisted Wolverine over his shoulder and opened a portal to the TVA. I grabbed the gold bar from Wolverine's clothes and followed them through.
"Make way~ ladies!"
Deadpool joked as he strode in like a conquering general, carrying Wolverine into the TVA.
"The great Logan, Broadway-ready!"
The second we entered, he dumped Wolverine on the floor and said to Paradox,
"Bonus: he's in costume. This time a superhero movie won't be embarrassing? He was already wearing it."
Paradox looked like he couldn't understand why we'd brought Wolverine here.
"I don't get it."
"My universe is dying because this lunatic died. Problem solved now."
Hearing that, Paradox finally understood the situation and said, incredulous,
"My god... you actually think you can replace an Anchor Being with this Wolverine?"
"Yeah, what's wrong with him?"
"No Wolverine would be acceptable, but you had to bring the worst one?"
"Worst how?"
"Mr. Wilson, this Wolverine let his world down. He's legendary in the worst way. What he did is... unforgivable."
He was referring to what this Wolverine had done in his world.
"Then what do we do to save the universe? I'll do anything. Just tell me."
"I already gave you a chance to be great. The higher-ups think you're special. Not in a good way, but they saw you doing something important later."
Deadpool pointed at me and said,
"With that guy?"
"I gave you the opportunity I was assigned to give, but instead of accepting it gratefully, you kidnapped the most important person in the timeline."
"That's 'Jin,' and he enjoyed it."
I did enjoy it, honestly.
"And then you sliced up a dozen of my men and desecrated the corpse of a hero who was resting quietly."
"You're what? The internet? How do you know all that?"
Paradox spoke harshly, trying to make Deadpool face reality.
"Your world is dying!!"
Just then, an employee brought Paradox a sandwich and handed it to him.
"Thanks."
Paradox ate the sandwich while continuing.
Chomp chomp
"We can't stop it. The humane thing is to let it die quickly."
"You're vaporizing a universe and you can still eat?"
"I'm stressed."
"My everything is being lost because some furry idiot from Australia finally died."
Hearing that, the now-sober Wolverine glared at Deadpool and slowly got up from the floor. Deadpool sensed him behind him.
"He's behind me, isn't he?"
Deadpool turned around, looked at Wolverine, and said,
"Anyway, welcome to the MCU. It's kind of lost its flavor lately..."
Then he turned back to Paradox, pointed a finger, and said,
"I need to talk to your boss! Call them upâman or woman, whoeverâand tell them Marvel Jesus is pissed!"
At Deadpool's words, every TVA employee went silent for a long time, glancing around nervously.
"Holy shit! This is all you acting alone, isn't it? Your people don't know what you're doing, do they?"
This whole thing was Paradox trying to secure his position in the TVA, so he hadn't reported it up the chain. Deadpool had figured it out.
"You're busted! I'm a black-belt Karen customer. Brace yourself! I'm going upstairs and telling your higher-ups everything..."
Before Deadpool could finish, Paradox jabbed him with a baton and sent him to the Voidâthe end of time. All that remained where Deadpool had been was the Tempad. The baton's effect apparently didn't work on it.
"Ah~ silence is nice, right?"
Wolverine saw Deadpool vanish and asked Paradox,
"Where'd he go?"
"To a dumpster fitting for you two."
Enraged, Wolverine tried to attack Paradox, but Paradox extended the baton and sent Wolverine to the Void too.
"Hah... that was close... hahat!"
I picked up the Tempad from where Deadpool had been standing.
"Anyway, Jin, hand that over and I'll send you back to your world."
"No, I'll go back on my own."
I operated the Tempad, opened a portal to the Void, and stepped through. I heard Paradox shout "Wait~!" behind me, but I ignored him.
Once in the Void, I saw varied terrain. Some areas were desert, some were forest, and some looked like the Grand Canyon. In the distance, I could see a massive cloud-shaped monsterâAliothâdevouring everything. Using [Naked Eye] to observe it, I saw it was absorbing matter and energy as nutrients.
"I can't beat that thing right now."
By lore, it devours time and space too, so with my current abilities I couldn't take it down. It wasn't completely without weaknesses, though. It was vulnerable to psychic attacks. Even so, it was practically godlike.
I looked around for anything useful. In the movies and shows, spaceships or artifacts from cosmic beings sometimes ended up here.
I moved around using [Treasure Detection] and found only one thingâa highly advanced, wrecked spaceship. I'd analyze it later, so I stored the whole thing in my inventory.
Nothing else seemed to be around, so I pulled out [Jack Sparrow's Compass] to find Deadpool and Wolverine. After moving for a bit, I saw them being captured by Cassandra Nova's gang. Johnny Storm from the Fantastic Four was with them too.
I teleported into the prison.
"Hey~ how's it going?"
"Whoa! Jin, how'd you get here? Are you a genie or something? Help us out."
"Got it."
I just grabbed the wires binding Deadpool and Wolverine and ripped them apart with my bare hands, then freed Johnny Storm's arms too.
"Everyone grab my hand."
Deadpool hugged me instead of just grabbing my hand. Wolverine and Johnny held on. I immediately teleported us to a high cliff nearby.
"Whoa! You had this power too? Most powerful Avenger indeed."
"Seriously... you said you'd put a hole in my ass if I ran. Just wait."
I teleported back in an instant, snapped the neck of their lieutenant, 'John Allerdyce'âaka X-Men's Pyroâand returned to the cliff.
Ding~!
[[You have obtained the (A) Flame Manipulation ability.]]
[(A) Flame Manipulation]
You can control fire.
Looking down from the cliff, Pyro had died while driving. His car veered off path, slammed sideways into a large rock, and rolled several times before stopping. The gang stopped their cars, confirmed Pyro was dead, and drove off.
"What'd you do?"
"Oh, killed their leader."
"Whoa~! That's scary... How many abilities do you even have?"
"Hmm? That's a secret."
"Come on, stingy. Anyway, thanks! But weren't you a pacifist?"
"Yeah, selective pacifist."
"..."
Johnny came over and thanked me.
"Thanks. I don't know who you are, but if I'd been taken, I'd definitely be dead."
"Hey! Employer, got any booze?"
Wolverine, being an alcoholic, asked for alcohol immediately.
"Hold on. Let's go to that diner over there."
I pointed at a diner building in the distance. Deadpool looked like he was going to teleport again, so he hugged me, and Johnny and Wolverine grabbed my hands.
"Seriously, just holding hands is fine. Do you have to hug me?"
"Skinship between comrades is good. Lady Gaga said she sleeps with the people she works with."
Arguing with Deadpool would just waste my breath, so I teleported us immediately.
"Let's rest here for a bit."
I pulled alcohol from my inventory and tossed it to Wolverine, then took out random lunchboxes for everyone.
"Wow! What can't you do? Where does all this come from? Are you really 'Genie from the lamp'?"
"Stop with the genie stuff. It's just an ability to store things."
Deadpool ignored me and started making wishes.
"My wish is to fix the universe and get back together with Vanessa, my ex. For my last wish, I'll set you free from the lamp."
"What nonsense."
Wolverine, not understanding the situation, asked me,
"Where are we?"
"This is the end of time. They call it 'the Void.' When all the time in every multiverse ends, it comes here. The TVA uses it as a trash can."
"What about those guys earlier?"
"I don't know either. Survivors who got dumped here? Predators?"
"I'll explain."
Johnny spoke up while eating.
"Here, you either become food for Alioth or work for that woman."
Wolverine asked again.
"What's Alioth, and who's that woman?"
"Alioth is a cloud-like monster that eats everything. I don't know its true nature. And the woman is 'Cassandra Nova'âa delusional megalomaniac nutjob, a bitch born from rotten balls, a flat-chested slut. She's the kind of person who should be sucking my delicious asshole and then get squeezed into bald-guy hell!"
"Keep going."
"What, you want me to skin her alive and pop her like a blood balloon? I don't give a shit. My life's already a fucked-up dogshit mess. Lighting her crotch on fire wouldn't even make me feel better!"
Deadpool had never heard swearing like that before. He was impressed.
"Damn, that's hardcore, crazy bastard. My mouth's dirty, but this guy's on another level?"
"Yeah, Wade, to really be satisfied, I'd have to barbecue her, roll around with her crispy corpse, and swirl Juggernaut's juggernuts in my mouth."
"Wow!"
"You can quote me."
Wolverine found it funny too and was laughing with his head down. I asked again.
"So what you're saying is Cassandra Nova rules this place and has a shit personality?"
"Well... basically, yeah. And she's an Omega-level mutant. Strong telekinesis and she can read memories. We've fought her a few times and lost a lot of people."
"Then who are you guys?"
"We're the resistance. We fight Cassandra Nova and try to escape this place somehow. Most of us have failed, though."
I looked back at Deadpool and asked,
"By the way, how were you and Wolverine getting along?"
"Not bad."
That's when Wolverine, drinking, turned around and said,
"Tell that guy to shut his damn mouth!"
"Guess you're getting along fine. But take it easy on the drinking. We don't know what might happen."
"I'll handle it. Mind your own business."
Handle it? You're just drinking like a madman.
Deadpool finished eating and asked Wolverine something he was curious about.
"So how'd you end up wearing the original costume? I wear red so blood doesn't show. Yellow's nice too. Piss doesn't show."
Wolverine glared at Deadpool and said,
"Ever been tested for ADHD?"
"No, I've had some STDs, but maybe ADHD caused them."
"What's with the hair?"
The wig Deadpool had been wearing was torn off, leaving clumps of hair on his head. Deadpool touched the remaining wig hair and answered.
"Oh~ this? When I'm a civilian, I wear a wig. No one knows."
"Hahaha... who wouldn't know that?"
Wolverine laughed, and Johnny laughed too hearing that. I asked Wolverine something I was curious about.
"I honestly don't get it. Mutants have saved the world how many times? Not counting when mutants fought each other."
"Three times, I think? I'm not sure. I definitely remember two..."
"Right, you saved them like that, but regular people still discriminate against and slaughter mutants. What are they gonna do when a real crisis hits?"
"Well... I don't know either. Charles spent his life trying to change how mutants are perceived, but he failed."
Johnny heard that and said,
"Humans fear what's different from them. Especially things they can't control."
Wolverine suddenly scowled, slammed the table, and stood up.
"Fuck, damn it! Huh..."
It seemed like a bad memory surfaced. Wolverine went outside without a word. He was probably going to get some air. I pulled ice cream from my inventory and ate it. Johnny came over and asked for one, so I gave him one.
"This is my first ice cream in forever. I can get booze sometimes, but ice cream? Never."
"How long have you been here?"
"About five years, I think."
Now that I looked, Johnny had grime caked on his neckâclearly hadn't showered properly.
"I see. Hold still."
I used [Household Magic] on Johnny to clean him up.
"Whoa... that feels amazing? Are you really not Genie from the lamp? Can I make a wish too?"
"Stop it."
We rested at the diner, then moved to the resistance base. We headed out into the field. Wolverine asked Deadpool about what happened to the Wolverine in his world.
"Why did the Wolverine in your world die?"
"Technically, a stake dildo got stuck in his chest, but really, he ran out of battery trying to save someone."
"Who?"
"The lab trash called her 'X-23,' but she was just a kid. Young, prickly, basically a bratty version of you. Anyway, he died saving her. Beautiful story, right? In my world, Wolverine was a hero."
"In my world, he's nothing."
I cut in and said,
"To be clear, X-23 was created using Wolverine's genes. She was like his daughter. Wolverine acknowledged her as his daughter right before he died."
"Don't spoil it!"
"Yes, yes."
Johnny looked like he was going to say something, but stopped. He probably wanted to mention that X-23 was at the resistance base, but hearing she was like a daughter, he decided not to. He seemed to avoid saying it now to keep things from getting weird, since we'd see her there anyway.
Woof! Woof!
A dog barking came from far away, and a hideous small dog wearing a Deadpool suit ran toward us. Deadpool's face lit up. He knelt and spread his arms wide. The dog jumped into his arms, and Deadpool held it and petted it.
"Adorable! Let's take him."
Johnny saw that and said,
"No! That dog's wearing Deadpool clothes. There's something I haven't told you because you were hereâall the Deadpools here work for Cassandra Nova. Except one."
"Really?"
Just then, from the direction the dog came, someone shouted.
"Sorry~!"
We looked that way. There stood a Deadpool who didn't have the avocado-peel face like the usual oneâhe was completely normal-looking, smiling brightly as he approached.
The other Deadpools were all enemies, so Wolverine tried to pop his claws, but Johnny stopped him.
"Wait! He's not one of them. He's the one I mentioned. His name's Nicepool."
"Thanks for the intro, Johnny."
Deadpool saw Nicepool's gold-plated guns and said, amazed,
"Are those .50 Desert Eagle Gold Edition?"
"Yep. They match my earrings."
"Can I have them?"
"You can have them when I'm dead. You're funny. And you've met Mary Poppins, huh? That's 'Dogpool.'"
Nicepool kept smiling as he talked. Deadpool looked at him with a weird, suspicious expression and kept petting Dogpool.
"Be careful. Ninety percent of his body is a G-spot, so he reacts instantly."
Dogpool seemed to like Deadpool and started licking his face.
"You playboy! I look away for one second and you're shopping for a new daddy?"
"You need responsibility to raise a unicorn like this."
"I have nothing to say. Your Majesty, I won't do it again."
"Why are you so nice?"
"Doesn't cost anything to live kindly, right?"
Wolverine, listening, snapped.
"Are you all like this? It doesn't cost anything to shut your mouth either."
"This is Logan. He normally takes his shirt off, but his body fell apart after his divorce. By the way, no mask?"
Nicepool was walking around with his face completely exposed. He pointed at his perfectly fine face and said,
"This?"
"Damn it..."
Deadpool looked like he regretted asking. Johnny spoke up.
"Guys, we've got a long way to go!"
I pulled a car out of my inventory. Johnny was stunned and said,
"Whoa! You really aren't a genie?"
"I told you, no. I just have an ability to store things."
Deadpool saw the car and said happily,
"Oh~ this is the Wrangler I sold for the first time."
"Yeah, I kept it. Let's go before the sun sets."
"Sure."
Nicepool hurried over to us as we were about to get in.
"Wait! You have to give the dog back."
"I know, but... if you ever want to give him up or he needs a new home, or if something happens to you, I'll be his dad."
Deadpool really didn't want to give the dog back.
"Something happen to me?"
"You never know, right?"
Nicepool looked at Wolverine for help. Wolverine went over to Deadpool and tried to take the dog.
"Give him back!"
"No! I'll run away."
"Hand him over!"
"Damn it..."
After a small scuffle, Wolverine won and took the dog back, returning it to Nicepool.
"Fuck..."
Deadpool slumped, defeated, and got into the vehicle. As we were about to leave, Nicepool smiled and waved goodbye. He seemed like a genuinely good guy. In the original he dies, but I should save him. The world needs more people like him.
"Hey! You still have Squeaky."
Deadpool opened the window and immediately threw Squeaky out of the car.
"Huh! Squeaky..."