Chapter 587 - 0345 Childhood and Regrets are Meaningless and Do Not Exist (Two in One)_2

The lady doesn’t like this topic, not because she’s too old, but because she’s too young.

After all, thinking about it now, the existence of "Yun Qian" only became meaningful with Xu Chang’an’s appearance. So, "Yun Qian’s" age ought to have turned from zero to one the moment she picked up Xu Chang’an.

So...

Miss Yun is essentially still a "young girl"?

"A woman’s age is always a secret, right? I know this rule, so I was just joking." Xu Chang’an shook his head with a smile.

He really just mentioned it casually.

Actually, although he doesn’t know Miss Yun’s real age, he isn’t too concerned, because no matter how old she is, she will always be his Miss Yun.

Her secrets are too many, such optional secrets as age simply don’t even matter.

However, that being said, Xu Chang’an subconsciously never imagines Miss Yun, such a beautiful woman, to be of too high an age, and that’s a fact.

What childhood did Miss Yun have?

She has never mentioned the things that happened before she met him. Xu Chang’an is truly curious about the lady’s past, so he brought up the regrets of childhood to probe her attitude towards her past.

As for childhood, when adults think back, the result is nothing more than a few kinds.

A happy childhood, recalling it would unknowingly draw a smile at the corners of one’s mouth.

A not-so-happy childhood would bring regrets, disappointment, even hatred that can’t be dismissed when recalled.

And a childhood as fine and silent as flowing water, which disappears like pure water upon realization. Even if thinking back to many details, it is much like drinking a glass of plain water, tasteless yet indescribable dislike.

That’s what Xu Chang’an believes.

So, he thinks he can guess the things about Yun Qian’s childhood from her subtle expressions when she recalls it.

But now it seems...

Have I miscalculated?

What smile, what regrets, what ordinary, none of those appear.

What exists are merely a few big question marks on Yun Qian’s head and her face full of incomprehension and contemplation.

???

What happened.

Is her childhood such a difficult thing to understand?

Xu Chang’an was utterly puzzled by Yun Qian’s attitude. These unreadable micro-expressions of the lady were not something Xu Chang’an could fathom.

"Miss, are you... alright." Xu Chang’an was somewhat nervous and inexplicably anxious due to Yun Qian’s attitude.

"I’m fine." Yun Qian shook her head, said, "I just don’t quite understand what childhood means... or regrets."

Miss Yun would feel loss for things she cannot obtain, such as not being able to be close to her husband, but... at the end of each "cycle," her heart is clear, and she absolutely won’t harbor a single regret.

Being liked, being reluctant, being attached, being hated, even being killed, are all precious memories experienced personally after she got this name. There won’t be, and absolutely won’t be any regrets permitted.

It’s the same even now.

Yun Qian quietly watched the young boy before her.

No matter what kind of outcome they have between them in the future, whether she would have children this time or not... the lady named Yun Qian would not have any regrets.

"Don’t understand... if you don’t understand, then you don’t." Xu Chang’an backed down.

He doesn’t know why upon seeing Miss Yun’s expression, he suddenly loses the urge to probe further, as if it’s not a good topic.

That mild unease and inexplicable emotion cloaked over his heart, didn’t count as a pleasant experience.

Thankfully, as long as Xu Chang’an opens his eyes and looks at the Yun Qian nearby, his pursuit of beauty easily dispels his unease.

"Miss, so-called childhood regrets are things you wanted and didn’t get as a child."

Xu Chang’an explained slowly, "For instance, a child once wanted a toy very much but didn’t get it. When grown up... occasionally they have a thought to buy it again. Even though they might no longer like that toy, nor would they truly buy it, that longing to actually own it once is quite real."

"I... don’t quite understand." Yun Qian thought her husband always talks about possessing things without mentioning the corresponding loss.

She has always possessed, and lost.

But somewhat, she seems to understand what regret means.

"But what does this have to do with you holding back from looking at me?" Miss Yun tilted her head.

"..." Xu Chang’an sighed, "Miss, am I not being clear enough?"

Yun Qian shook her head in a daze.

Really clear?

"Miss, think about what you do when you feel tired." Xu Chang’an reminded Yun Qian.

Miss Yun pondered for a while, then said, "Holding me... and then taking a sniff?"

"You guessed right, just like sniffing Li Hua." Xu Chang’an replied helplessly, "Do you understand?"

Yun Qian: "..."

Understand?

Understand what exactly.

Where was it clear; it was completely incomprehensible, okay.

Or maybe she isn’t clever enough?

Yet he always praises her for being a clever lady, so she should be clever.

"...Forget it." Xu Chang’an looked at Miss Yun. Her beautiful eyes were wide enough, hands held by his: "When it comes to Miss, I’ve never had any dignity, there’s really nothing to hide."

Of course there’s nothing to hide.

Xu Chang’an doesn’t want to say anything because he’s worried that someone—like Zhu Pingniang—might overhear his and the lady’s conversation. Then... these silly thoughts of his would be known by others.

But compared to embarrassment, ensuring Yun Qian has clear thoughts and a joyful mood is more important.

Xu Chang’an hinted for Miss Yun to lean forward a little, then whispered softly in her ear.

"Miss, in the beginning, you used to hold me like this... do you still remember."

"Mm."

Yun Qian nodded.

Laying on her lap came later; indeed, letting Xu Chang’an sit on her lap started quite early.

"At that time, I was just picked up by Miss, half dead, couldn’t even walk on my own, could only lie on the bed... It was Miss’s sudden idea to occasionally hold me out to bask in the sun so that I didn’t completely fall apart."

Xu Chang’an reminisced, only feeling peaceful through the years.

In the courtyard, the stream flows, he sits quietly in the lady’s arms basking in the sun.

If memories have levels, this scene can rank in the top five in Xu Chang’an’s heart.

As to why using the word ’sudden idea.’

Really, after knowing Yun Qian’s nature, Xu Chang’an couldn’t deceive himself that at the time Yun Qian was taking him to bask in the sun for treatment purposes.

After all, Miss Yun isn’t a gentle nature.

Moreover, Xu Chang’an clearly knew Yun Qian has a habit of liking to hold things, so he grew up being held by Yun Qian as a pillow. Those times basking in the sun must have been a result of the lady’s habit.

"Really? Oh, I remembered."

Sure enough, upon bringing up this matter, Yun Qian showed an expression of realization, she said, "It was you wanting to bask in the sun, not my intention to take you, so it’s not considered a sudden idea."

"Eh?" Xu Chang’an was taken aback, "Miss, how did you know I wanted to bask in the sun?"

"Because you always looked out the window in the afternoon."

Xu Chang’an: "..."

Shock to Chang’an.

What?

Unexpectedly...

Yun Qian really deliberately took care of him, rather than merely wanting a pillow?

How could this be.

"Miss, isn’t that unlike you? You’re usually indifferent to strangers, not caring at all, right?" Xu Chang’an was dumbfounded.

They had just met back then.

Initially, Miss Yun... was she actually meticulous and gentle?

Is it like that?

Then how come now...

Is it because of me she became like this.

"Strangers?" Yun Qian shook her head, seriously said: "We are husband and wife, not strangers."

"Now is now, I’m talking about back then."

"Back then... oh." Yun Qian responded, doesn’t explain, just asked: "So, was that time your childhood?"

Xu Chang’an following Yun Qian’s topic could only temporarily suppress the thought of Miss Yun not being naturally cold-hearted, saying: "Honestly, in terms of age, yes."

"Regret is, what." Yun Qian was very keen.

Xu Chang’an opened his eyes, full of sincerity.

"Whenever Miss held me, I really wanted to bury my head and take a sniff, but wasn’t able to, does that count?"

Yun Qian: "..."